Love has no schedule

I am reading a book for my prayer class called, To pray and to Love by Roberta Bondi.
This week I was really delightfully shocked at Bondi’s comment, “Another characteristic of humility is its abandonment of purity as the main goal of the Christian life” (102). How often I have been taught not to dirty the knees of my pants on my way to heaven – rather than entering into the messiness of love vs. mere dutiful obedience. “Love is not about maintaining an ideology.” I’m saddened that the church has strayed so far from love. As I wrote the other day - this past weekend as I spoke to a Sunday school class re: fear and love within the context of my own journey, one woman came up to me and said, “When you spoke of what fear looks like I only saw my own constricted life. But tell me, how do I let God love me?” This woman has been at church most of her life – why has no one taught or modeled love (and letting themselves be loved) to her when it is the first and second greatest commandments? How did we get so messed up? I am getting angry as I write this – and ashamed of our churches and the lesser “goals” we hold as higher than love! And I do not even have a simple answer for her…because love is messy and I’m sure she has a mess of shame and habits and wounds that block her being able to receive.

Leonard Sweet said that his inability to receive is his greatest disability. I concur – I am needy, and oh so stubborn to be less than self-sufficient. I am protective, and oh so longing to be loved. I am hesitant to join community – yet desirous of connection. I am desirous to see my neighbors – the Baha’i gal, the yuppie, cynical couple whose cigarette smoke nightly invades my space and the desperate young woman giving away her soul to sleep with her boyfriend, the lonely divorced folk, the gay couple – (even here I label and am judgmental – Oh Lord have mercy!) I long for them to know this love that is liberating – for it to heal and cast out fears and dissolve hardness of heart.

Lord teach me how to walk in love. I have so much to learn. Thank you that you are in no rush! You are my shepherd, I shall not want – not even want to be more spiritual because love has no schedule. I love you Lord!

Those who are good

NLT of Psalm 125:4 “God is good to those who are good: to those who are in tune with you.” Think of that…those who are good in this passage are those who are in tune with God. (other versions say “upright in heart” or “hearts are right.”) I was thinking of some accountability relationships I’ve shared in the past – the questions were always, “Did you do x, y, or z or abstain from x, y, and z?” How dreadful they seem even in memory! What a kinder, gentler accountability when I don’t measure my or others’ goodness on behavior alone. Instead, there is this “in-sync-ness” of being in tune – of being with – of being near. And it is hard to be in tune with someone you don’t know or love or trust. I am grateful, today, that I sense this being in tune – even though I experienced a strong resistance of will in prayer this morning. I was yet with Him, and it was okay.

How do I let God love me?

This weekend I was speaking and leading worship at a church I was a part of in the early 90s. It was wonderful to reconnect with so many. As I spoke to the Sunday School classes, God had prompted me to talk about fear vs. love in the context of my own journey. As their own congregation looks ahead to the future, I challenged them to be a church that makes decisions out of Love, not fear. "Lean in and let the Perfect Love of God cast out all the fear you have..."

Afterwards several people came up and said, "We're not used to people talking so honestly - you don't talk about God in the same way as others."
I can only surmise this, perhaps, is because He is gifting me with His embrace that is setting me free from legalism and old wineskin tradition. His love is casting out my fears little by little.

I was most saddened, however, when a woman came up to me afterwards. Her face was deeply concerned - her eyes inquisitive, anxious and searching. Her face expressed the deep ache and longing of her heart: "Paula, when you spoke about what fear does, it resounded within me that I am a fearful person. I want God's love to cast out the fear - but how do I let God love me? I've never really even heard anyone talk about letting God love me."

Even now my soul aches for her - there is rich beauty in the longing expressed in her question. There is deep sadness to me that she, a lifetime church goer has NEVER heard anyone talk about letting God love her.

So - the question goes out to all of you - how do you let God love you?

True Worship

I read The Gift of the Red Bird by Paula D’Arcy last week. What a beautiful snapshot of a deepening spiritual journey. I’ve had a lot of ongoing reflections from the small, poetic testimony.
D'Arcy makes a comment about taking communion with a friend. She writes: "I was fully present in the moment, and so it is truly worship." As I've walked through my days this week, being "fully present" in various moments, it has been a delight to see all the ways I've worshiped the Lord. I was fully present with delight in watching the dogs frolic in the waves on the beach: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present in listening to a friend: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present in enjoying each bite of a chile relleno: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present writing in my journal: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present in listening to the sky crackle and thunder last night: I truly worshiped.
These acts of worship - simple, ordinary events made holy because God gifted me with the ability to be present.
Would that I would, in church, be fully present in song, sermon and fellowship.

www.paulagamble.com

How would you like to hang out with God here?

The third Refresh day retreat took place on June 24th - above is one of the spots that one of the participants hung out in.
Do you want to come hang out with God here too?
Check out www.paulagamble.com/refreshretreat.html for more info!

What does it take to be a poet?

A friend in my prayer class shared this about poetry and "musing" and I really loved it - so I'm sharing it with all of you:

"What does it take to be a poet?

"I remember being in grade school and the teacher trying to get us to write poems. At that age, we were all about rhyming…most of us were good at it because children are endlessly creative when it comes to making up rhyming nicknames for each other. But, after studying more in high school and college, I came to realize true poetry is a labor of love. It takes a deep love of something to make a person willing to spend the time necessary to ponder the depths or intricacies of that object – not just describing the “outsides” of that object, but getting to the core – the essence – that is loved. The greatest amount of work in poetry is not in the writing, but in the pondering/musing (otherwise we’re just trying to make words rhyme). I’m wondering how many of the early great poets were scolded by their parents for “daydreaming” or “wasting time” or “never getting anything important accomplished?”

And then the Lord says we are His poema - His poetry. How much pondering and musing went into the creating of me? Oh, it is lovely not being mere matter that was formed randomly by a large explosion!

www.paulagamble.com

Definition: Amusement

Muse: (verb) to reflect deeply on a subject; to ponder
Musement: The process of musing
A-muse-ment: the process of not reflecting

How much is the US's affection and addiction to amusement impacting our depth coming from the benefit of soulful reflection.

I'm just musing.

www.paulagamble.com

Centering Prayer Primer

I have been reading a lot of Father Thomas Keating's writings lately - he is a great advocate for the power of what has been traditionally called, "Contemplative" prayer - which, in his paradigm, is the only thing that fully heals us from our imposter selves which usually act and react to the world in defensive and striving postures. It is the only thing because in our "being still" we connect to the Trinity within us - the Trinity that has knit our innermost being and that loves us with expectancy. In the richness of this love alone, are we freed from the woundedness that has obscured our true vision of our true selves and of the True God (vs. who we imagine, fear or want Him to be.)

One of the disciplines to move toward this, which I prefer to call "abiding," is centering prayer. So - listen to Father Thomas Keating himself - and how he describes Centering prayer. He is delightful to listen to!



Let me know what you think.

www.paulagamble.com

Spiritual utilitarians

Seeking God experiences or insights turns us into spiritual utilitarians – we use and exploit disciplines and sermons and songs to gain a treasure – most likely one we will try to impart to others through our methodologies and marketing. If God chooses to give an insight or consolation – it can only be received, not gained. And in my undeserved state, He opens my heart to believe that I am loved, I do belong, which also gives me permission to appreciate and enjoy the gifts for themselves – not as something to mass produce. God is capable of wooing all 6 billion people on this planet without my help, though He may gift me with the privilege to do so. I dwarf my life when I meet God merely to get insight for my upcoming ministry tasks and responsibilities: O Lord have mercy on me – unmask my illusion that I am indispensible.

Eavesdropping like Matt

My friend Matt (of burning hearts revolution fame) and WSN director of the third (or is that 4th) epoch - likes to share his eavesdropping on his blog.

Today at Palio's I heard a guy say he had a miraculously bad night last night - it was a bit of an oxymoron to me, but he seemed all to eager to share the details of why it was a 3 shot morning of espresso: It turns out he got toasted and his date hooked up with a co-worker...I'm not sure which is miraculous and which is bad...you make the call.

Hope the 3 shots of espresso helped!

What will you do with your water?

No this isn't an environmental posting about clean water - A friend in class shared the following youtube video with me - thought it was beautiful and thought-provoking.



Have a blessed day

Unmasking the illusion of indispensability

I was talking with a young woman this week who was asking for my help in consulting her ministry leadership team. On and on I went - touting my experience and how I could help. What I really felt was that I needed to learn from her - she and her young contemporaries are starting a non-profit ministry to prostitutes. Now that is far more impressive than my blah, blah, blah.

Nouwen writes about how our abiding with Christ in wordless adoration helps “unmask the illusion of busyness, usefulness, and indispensability. It is a way of being empty and useless in the presence of God and of proclaiming our basic belief that all is grace and nothing is simply the result of hard work." Similarly, Evelyn Underhill says that adoration does a "disentangling" work. I have so much disentangling and unmasking to receive.

I have been taught to be indispensable because the sound of being dispensable (unnecessary, not needed, can be done away with) isn’t so appealing to my flesh. But it is not mine to choose – this being dispensable or indispensable. It is mine to choose to be obedient and the fruit of obedience is not even mine to choose (John 15:8, 16). This unselfing is good – it is what I long for. Here’s to the ongoing disentangling of my "self."

Whose Invitation?

Recently I was pondering the phrase, "I invited Christ into my life." I imagine Him contorting His body to come into such a limited and finite space. It feel arrogant to say this and I'm beginning to realize that it is not so much that I have invited Christ into my life, as He has invited me into His - which is far more abundant and thrilling!

Today I bought a basketball - hoops anyone?

In my journey to "recover" some fun and play in my life, I wrote down about 20 things that I have fun doing. As a kid I would spend hours in my driveway shooting baskets: Free throws, layups, reverse layups, working on equalizing ability with both hands. It's been years since I've done that. So today, I bought a basketball. Yup - a bonafide and official NCAA ball. I plan on taking it down to the covered baskets at the elementary school. I know it feels like it might snow today (where is spring?) but I am going to go imagine myself winning the final four with a buzzer shot! Care to join me?

Refresh - facilitated Day Retreats - coming soon!

I've been working to develop some day retreats for people.
Check it out @ my website
Refresh Retreats

Thanks!
~paula

www.paulagamble.com

Fearless Space

Henri Nouwen - he seems to have been given deep insight into the mystery of Christ:

“God alone is free enough from wounds to offer us a fearless space.”

...perfect love casts out all fear....

CRM Communitas - check out this video

What is God doing in Church Resource Ministries - here is one example ina 4 minute clip about the new ministry I'm a part of.

A Blessed Beggar

Enjoying Margaret Becker's "Just Come In" CD...
My favorite line that makes me worship:

"Like a beggar blessed, I stumble into grace….
reaching out my hand for what awaits…"

He is good

www.paulagamble.com

NEW Paula CD - almost here!!!

That's right - I just finished recording 11 songs...and am in the final process of preparing them for distribution. For sound samples go to my website www.paulagamble.com

And please let me know what you think!

Over the next month or so I'll post blogs on the stories/thoughts behind the songs...just in case you're interested.

Blessings & Joy!
~pg

First Magazine article published

I am laughing...laughing...laughing. It is fitting that this world traveler's very first in print ,published magazine article is in a language that I cannot read... German. A new and wonderful friend, Elizabeth Mittelstaedt, the editor of the Christian Women's magazine asked me to write about my adoption. For those of you who want to freshen up on your German skills, you can view part of it online at http://www.lydia.net/aktuelle_ausgabe/artikel3.html