Only in love...

"Only in love can I find You, my God. In love the gates of my soul spring open, allowing me to breathe a new air of freedom and forget my own petty self. In love my whole being streams forth out of the rigid confines of narrowness and anxious self-assertion, which makes me a prisoner of my own poverty and emptiness. In love all the powers of my soul flow out toward You, wanting never more to return, but to lose themselves completely in You, since by Your love You are the inmost center of my heart, closer to me than I am to myself."

- Karl Rahner, Encounters with Silence

How God opened my heart through a cat...

I have been sitting with my dear fur baby, Eddie, (black kitty on the left kissing Jack the white kitty on the right) for the past few days. His health has crashed and the doc diagnosed chronic renal failure...in uncertain terms he was given less than a week to live. Savoring each look, each nuzzle, each sweet lingering on my lap I have come to recount how Eddie helped open my heart...

You see, for five years, I walked right by him. Yup - he lived in my parking lot and would come running to greet me every time I came home. He was adorable, laying on his back inviting me to rub his belly. And for five years I said, "No way, I'm not opening my heart to you." For five years I refused to love him - to even pet him - to even acknowledge him. I walked on by with a stiff arm and a cold heart. But Eddie kept coming. He kept pursuing. He kept giving me a chance to love him (and to be loved by him).

Then one cold night in fall of 2002, I let him in for fear that this little creature would die on such a frigid night. And that was it - he captured my heart. For eight years this little guy has sat on my lap every morning during my quiet times of centering my soul with God. I delighted in him just wanting to be with me. Often, when I was distracted and feeling like I was not doing enough for God, God would remind me of my delight in Eddie. The cat was doing nothing but sitting with me, yet I was so happy. And I'd hear the echo of that same sentiment deep withing my soul - that's all God wanted too - "I am delighted to be with you Paula, just like you are with Eddie. Nothing is required...just be with me."

This being with - it is enough.

Now it's time to say goodbye to one of God's little creatures who helped open my heart to love - both in giving and in receiving. Honestly - Eddie is such a picture of God's persistent and joyous pursuit - He keeps coming even when I stiff arm Him and try to close my heart to His advances of
love. David says in Ps. 23:6 - "Surely God's goodness and mercy chase after me all the days of my life." Eddie chased after me...and I finally let my heart be caught.

Ironically, the heartache I now feel is what I was trying to avoid by keeping my heart shut tight for those five years. Now I wish I had those five years back! I know I've loved well because it hurts so dang much.

Frederick Buechner writes about what happens when we steel our hearts against the pain of the world...

“To do for yourself

the best that you have it in you to do –

to grit your teeth and clench your fists

in order to survive the world

at its harshest and worst –

is, by that very act, to be unable

to let something be done for you and in you

that is more wonderful still.

The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality

is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed [further wounded] secures your life also against being opened up and transformed.”

Frederick Buechner in The Sacred Journey

Dear Eddie cat has been an instrument who helped open up my life and heart so that I could be transformed. Something wonderful has happened for me and in me that is more wonderful than I can put words to.

So, I say "pause" (or is that paws) to Eddie - there will be a delay until I reunite with him again...this sweet little instrument of God's grace and love. I love you dear boy.

Creativity and Safety are incompatible...

 This is a repost of a blog by Cole Nesmith -

Last night, I dropped my friend, McKenzie, off at her car after house church. When she got out of the car, I said, “Be safe.” Almost immediately, I looked at Josh – sitting in the passenger seat – and said, “I’m never going to say that again.”

We live in a culture consumed by safety. There are organizations completely dedicated to making sure we’re safe while working and traveling and eating and doing just about any other common practice. And, being good westerners, we’ve allowed our cultural obsession for safety to define our lives as Christians. We’ve spent the last several hundred years sterilizing our relationship with Christ into a religion that is neat, defined, predictable… might I say, systematic?  We’ve worked hard to eliminate as much of the unknown as possible, and we wonder why we feel distant from a God who exists in the mysterious.  Today, we try to compensate with our heads by creating large educational institutions where we can further define and attempt to know God intellectually.
Hence, today, my friend Dustin called me and asked :

What happened historically that caused Christians to stop being influencers and creators of culture?  Where did our creativity go?

The answer : It was driven out by our fear of the unknown and our lust for answers.
Creativity and safety are incompatible.
Creativity is willing to step into the unknown and bring something new into existence.
Creativity is about an unbridled heart that is so free in who it was created to be that it is unstoppable.

Creativity is central to EVERYTHING God does.  And I’m not just talking about the creative work of the land and seas and animals and you and me.  I’m talking about things like redemption, peace, beauty and hope.  These things can only exist when we tap into the creative heart of God.
When I pass a homeless drug addict on the street, I can respond with my earthly, uncreative heart that sees what is before me.  Or, I can choose to look on with the creative heart of God that sees something that is yet to exist.  God looks onto what seems like a dark canvas of nothingness and imagines a beautiful life – a tree bearing all kinds of good fruit that nourishes those who come to eat of it.
Recently, I was talking with a guy  who has lived and worked in Haiti for the last 27 years.  He said,

“the most difficult thing to overcome in Haitian culture is the pervasive mindset of “present hedonism.”

And it seems that statement is true for lots of Americans (especially American Christians) as well.  We’re only concerned with the present, the now, today.  We’ve lost the ability to dream.  In short, his assessment is that one of the largest hurdles in Haiti is a lack of creativity.

That night, I posted this online :

Thinking about two future Haitis : One rebuilt on the foundation of creativity and the other built on the foundation of utility.

And the sole response :

I like the one where their foundation is Jesus

And that’s where we stand today – in a world where Christians have erected a wall of fear, prejudice and sterility between creativity and Jesus. But when we truly look at the heart of Jesus and the river of the Holy Spirit, all we see is the unexpected.
I remember going to the Grand Canyon several years ago.  I was on the road with some friends, and we drove all through the night.  The next morning, when I woke up, we were parked in a campsite several hundred yards from the hole.  I was so excited to start exploring that I skipped breakfast and jogged up the path to the canyon.  It was beautiful.  We hiked all day along the ridge occasionally walking out on the narrow pieces of rock that jutted from the main path – only 3 feet wide with hundreds of feet of cliff on each side.  And no rails!

God wants to take humanity deep in the mystery of Himself, but for generations, Christians have stood on the bank of the river of His Spirit.  And over time, the river has carved out a canyon before us.  That canyon gets deeper and deeper.  The rushing waters that we’re meant to swim in get farther and farther away.  Some thought about diving in for a while, but eventually the river just looked like it was too far down to jump in.  So we started building a fence.  And today, that fence keeps us safely perched on top of the canyon.  We have taken to study the rocks and the sand and the bushes.  We become intimately acquainted with the signs of what once was.  And as we turn our backs to the river, we settle into the comforts of the land.

But I’m so thirsty.  And I know that there are people in the world that are too – people that are ready to swim in the river of God, not exactly sure what will happen, but ready nonetheless.

So, what do you say we tear down the fence, stand on the edge of the cliff and jump into the unknown, beautiful, creative heart of God?"

So what do you think?

www.mysoulrefresh.com

Pragmatic or Spiritual

reprinting this article by Jamin Goggin

Pragmatic or Spiritual

"'I think I could train a non-Christian to do what I do well.'  These were the words spoken by a successful pastor.  Of course, "successful" is a loaded word, which I am defining via the largely accepted standards of the evangelical church today-growing church attendance, establishment of satellite campuses, creative programming, etc.  Having seriously reflected on the source, nature and telos of his ministry he had concluded that in many ways his ministry was natural, earthly...you fill in the blank.  In short, his ministry was pragmatically oriented and fundamentally a human endeavor.  He had become suspicious that the markers of success might be skewed since such success was achieved primarily through his natural ability, charisma, neurotic drives...

What I am finding more and more, and I must say at an alarming rate, is that this is true of many in ministry.  What is perhaps of greater concern is that few (very few) are coming to the realization that this pastor has come to.  Few, having tasted the meat sacrificed to idols have chosen to step away from the sweet taste of power, prestige and success long enough to realize maybe they are dining at the wrong table.

What we see is ministry fundamentally driven by pragmatic questions that are met with pragmatic answers.  What do we need to do to get people in church more often?  What do we need to do to increase giving?  What do we need to do to increase membership?  What do we need to do to get people excited about church?  And so, the answers follow.  It is those who can think creatively, see the "big picture", understand people's felt needs or come up with a clever campaign that are seen as brilliant and successful.  Mind you, within each of these pragmatic questions there may lie legitimate concerns, but might I suggest that the questions are neither primary nor formed correctly.  The concerns of the pastor are no longer spiritual.  The questions that should be primary are not even secondary.  How is the Holy Spirit moving in the lives of these people?  Where does God have our church developmentally?  What temptations do we as leadership have in our approach to ministry?  The problem is that these are questions to be explored in prayer, and if we are honest much less time (perhaps no time) is spent in prayer than in planning meetings, vision team brainstorms, the latest conferences, etc.

Sure, we talk about spiritual things, but not spiritually.  We do not minister in the Spirit, but in human creativity, in the latest church growth ideas, etc.  Here we would do well to hear voices like Eugene Peterson who call the pastor back to a life of prayer (see Working the Angles).  Instead, we are enamored with the guys we believe have arrived (meaning those who have large churches), and their ideas for strategic growth, philosophies of ministry, etc.  Please hear me when I say, this is not all bad.  The pragmatic is an inescapable part of ministry, for we have to do something, and it would certainly be a good idea to do it well.  However, I believe if our ministry was more governed by spiritual questions and answers we would find that we don't have to do as much as we think we do, we are not responsible for the things we think we are (namely, the work of the Holy Spirit) and if we began with such spiritual questions and answers the pragmatic step to follow might just be to glorify God, not man. " Jamin Goggin
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Seems the questions we ask reveal our motivation... what questions are you asking re: your ministries - whether it be to your family, church, small group etc? What important spiritual questions do you ask yourself re: your ministry?

www.mysoulrefresh.com

An interesting question...

I briefly attended a leadership conference this past week. (I admit, I ducked out before it was finished because I was just too tired to sit there and listen...)

One of the questions that was posed to participants was this:

"How have your beliefs influenced your policies and productivity?"

While understanding that beliefs ought to trickle down to influence policies and productivity, I have found the latter two suspiciously minimized over the last year and a half of responding to God's invitation to walk in His unforced rhythms of grace on a journey of transformation. 

As others shared about ramping up policies and productivity to be better stewards of God's resources and giftings, by the world's standards, perhaps I look like a naive freeloader:

• Policies: intentionally cooperate with God by creating unhurried space to hear His voice, linger in His presence, open my heart to trust His love and leading. Oh, and some folks who hang out with me might also add: "Thou shalt not 'should' on thyself"

• Productivity: respond to what He invites me to (with all my heart, soul, mind and strength).

Perhaps this is too simple. Perhaps I am naive. I know I have much more to learn, but find my soul a little ruffled to find leaders discussing "productivity" and "Christianity" in the same breath. Fruit comes from abiding...

I'm wondering how you would answer this question?

Peace and Good

Unhurry Up™

www.mysoulrefresh.com

A book helping to slow down frenzied families...

Do you constantly tell your family to "hurry up!" or feel like you're running around like a chicken with her head cut off? Is your family living frenzied? 

I ran across this title recently and thought I'd share it. Though I haven't read it, it comes with some high reviews on Amazon. I'm definitely intrigued!

Looks like she has another title: The Contemplative Mom - so all you moms out there longing to find unhurried spaces for your soul - check these out and let me know what you think!



Unhurry Up™ 

www.mysoulrefresh.com