O Come let us Adore Him - not for what He gives, but because He is.

Why is it that we sing songs of adoration at the time of the Incarnation?

 

It is interesting to me...we do not sing songs with the word "adoration" when contemplating and celebrating Jesus' death and resurrection. Rarely do we look at the cruel cross and the suffering Messiah and think "I adore you." Even in the triumph of the resurrection we are more thrilled and stunned than in the quiet,  worshipful "pondering and treasuring" of the events surrounding the birth of Emmanuel - "God with us."At Jesus' death and resurrection we know that God has done something extraordinary for us - and we worship Him with thanksgiving and praise!

 

Adoration is different, though. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that adoration, in it's purest form, exists for the sheer delight of the other. I cannot truly adore something if I gain from it.  Similarly, I cannot truly adore God for what He gives (and what I gain) as much as for the simple fact that He is - apart from any benefit or mercies or favors received. It is one thing to think of God in terms of "I love Him for what He does and has done for me." It is quite another to think of God in terms of "I love you, delight in you, treasure you because of who you are, not what you give. I just like being with you." There is still too much "self" in the former...loving because it is reciprocated. And in the former it is easier to speak about Him than to Him. (Does anyone else feel awkward and selfish telling Him, "I love you for all the good stuff you do for me.")

I'm not saying to love Him for what He is doing and has done and will do is bad or wrong. I can muster up praise and thanksgiving in recollecting His faithfulness to me and in anticipating the fulfillment of future promises. But it seems that because adoration loves regardless of reciprocity, it is not something I can muster up. Instead it is a gift, in the form of a longing, that God wells within our our inmost being. It is a longing that compels us to follow whatever "star" or "heavenly hosts" or even an "oppressive governmental census for taxes" that He allows to lead us to Himself. And when we finally behold Him, when our longing is met by His presence, adoration silences our words...it is recognized by awe and fear and enjoyment and curiosity of being in the Presence of God without expectation or agenda.

The wise men had this adoration. There was nothing they could gain from the toddler Jesus. He didn't "save" them or heal them or speak blessing over them. At great cost of both time and riches, they were led by God to seek out and adore Jesus because of who He was - and they didn't really even fully know, but knew enough to bow their knee in selfless sacrifice. What was their gain? The chance to adore Him for Himself. Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, Simeon, Anna, the Magi - all the "characters" who witnessed His birth gained no tangible benefit from Jesus in the way we speak of benefiting from Him (forgiveness, salvation, abundant life etc.) Perhaps their benefit was the validation of their painful journeys and personhood, as they either anticipated or sought Him. Their lives became more meaningful because of His coming to them, more than their coming to Him.

I find that I often "like" God (and think that I am adoring Him) when I am benefiting from Him. It is much harder to come to this purer form of adoration that exists apart from any gift, profit or blessing that He might give.

And isn't that really the whole point of Christianity? I am in a posture to receive, to lean into my longings for more, and to learn to adore regardless of what I receive.

O come let us adore Him - not for what He gives

O come let us adore Him - not for gaining any benefit

O come let us adore Him - not because I have unmet desires that I want fulfilled...

Christ - the Messiah, Emmanuel, - the LORD.

www.paulagamble.com

www.mysoulrefresh.com

Peace found in weakness = new eyes to see and ears to hear...

 An excerpt from "Adam's Story", Henri J. M. Nouwen.

Keep your eyes on the prince of peace, the one who doesn't cling to his divine power; the one who refuses to turn stones into bread, jump from great heights and rule with great power; the one who says,
"Blessed are the poor, the gentle, those who mourn,
and those who hunger and thirst for righteousness;
blessed are the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers
and those who are persecuted in the cause of uprightness" (see Matt. 5:3-11);
the one who touches the lame, the crippled, and the blind; the one who speaks words of forgiveness and encouragement; the one who dies alone, rejected and despised. Keep your eyes on him who becomes poor with the poor, weak with the weak, and who is rejected with the rejected. He is the source of all peace.

Where is this peace to be found? The answer is clear. In weakness. First of all, in our own weakness, in those places of our hearts where we feel most broken, most insecure, most in agony, most afraid. Why there? Because there our familiar ways of controlling our world are being stripped away; there we are called to let go from doing much, thinking much, and relying on our self-sufficiency. Right there where we are weakest the peace which is not of this world is hidden.

In Adam's name I say to you, "Claim that peace that remains unknown to so many and make it your own. Because with that peace in your heart you will have new eyes to see and new ears to hear and gradually recognize that same peace in places you would have least expected."

Keep your eyes peeled for new sightings of the King - in places you least expect...

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We are not what we can conquer...how do you measure your life?

"[When we slow down]

we discover in the center of our own self

that we are not what we can conquer,

but what is given to us."

Henri Nouwen "Out of Solitude"

It's Monday, and naturally I'm out to conquer much. I have my house to clean and decorate for Christmas, financial things to catch up on, dreaming and planning for the launch and focusing in of reFresh in 2010, and facing my own desires for some change. How easy it is to sit and plan and seek to conquer all I desire and/or fear by drafting amazing plans and strategies and to-do lists. How much do I, at the end of the day, determine my value by what I've conquered vs. how much I've received? Indeed, it is much more difficult to open my eyes to enjoy and walk in what a generous God has given me today. If I measured my value by how much I was able to receive and enter into and enjoy...well, I'd feel like a dismal failure.
There's something wrong with that.

I know this: I'm not so good at receiving.
Leonard Sweet says that his inability to receive is the greatest disability he has...because bottom line: that is the gist of following a Savior who saves by grace.

What is He giving you today to enjoy?
Stop, take a few deep breaths, then lay your "to-do" list before Him and ask Him to prioritize and/or add and delete things. And at the end of the day see if you can see if you've lived more as a receiver than a conqueror and if that makes any difference in your life. Please let me know how it goes.

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Advent: Take Time, Slow Down, Open Up

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Good for a giggle - love the creativity!

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The "hardly noticeable" power of God

An excerpt from iGracias! by Henri J.M. Nouwen

"A shoot shall sprout from the stump of Jesse, 

and from his roots a bud shall blossom. 

The spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him . . ." 

(Isa.11:1-2).

Our salvation comes from something small, tender, and vulnerable, something hardly noticeable. God, who is the Creator of the Universe, comes to us in smallness, weakness, and hiddenness.

I find this a hopeful message. Somehow, I keep expecting loud and impressive events to convince me and others of God's saving power; but over and over again I am reminded that spectacles, power plays, and big events are the ways of the world. Our temptation is to be distracted by them and made blind to the "shoot that shall sprout from the stump."

When I have no eyes for the small signs of God's presence - the smile of a baby, the carefree play of children, the words of encouragement and gestures of love offered by friends - I will always remain tempted to despair.

The small child of Bethlehem, the unknown young man of Nazareth, the rejected preacher, the naked man on the cross, he asks for my full attention. The work of our salvation takes place in the midst of a world that continues to shout, scream, and overwhelm us with its claims and promises. But the promise is hidden in the shoot that sprouts from the stump, a shoot that hardly anyone notices.

More at www.henrinouwen.org


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Doing the Letting

"Advent is about letting God come to us. We do the letting and God does the coming. And, the whole mystery of our faith is that God is not reluctant to come into an unusual relationship (like Mary and Joseph's) or to be born in the poverty of a makeshift stable. We are tempted to prepare for Advent by cleaning everything up first - by, in effect, saving ourselves first. Our opening to Advent is to realize we need saving and to accept the saving love of our God."

http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Advent/preparing-advent.html

 Letting God come is like letting the blue of the night sky overshadow and envelope the orange tint at sunset. In this, there is union, beauty and transformation - a new sun rising fresh each morn.

• How will you "do the letting" today?
• Do you believe that God is NOT reluctant to come to you - despite your lack and need?

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The Two Sides of One Faith

Our faith in God who sent his Son to become God-with-us and who, with his Son, sent his Spirit to become God-within-us cannot be real without our faith in the Church. The Church is that unlikely body of people through whom God chooses to reveal God's love for us. Just as it seems unlikely to us that God chose to become human in a young girl living in a small, not very respected town in the Middle East nearly two thousand years ago, it seems unlikely that God chose to continue his work of salvation in a community of people constantly torn apart by arguments, prejudices, authority conflicts, and power games.

Still, believing in Jesus and believing in the Church are two sides of one faith. It is unlikely but divine!

from Henri Nouwen daily meditation 


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Celebrating Holy Uselessness

Zephaniah 3:14-17
Gwen Meharg
Watercolor-22 x 30 unframed HeArts Gallery

In my spiritual leadership class this fall we have had to come up with a self-care project. Mine is play. I just don't play enough! In the midst of the demands of ministry (emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally) I need to care for myself by having moments of fun sprinkled throughout my day/week.
In my intellectual "research" on play I came across this quote:

"Play exists for its own sake. 

Play is for the moment; it is not hurried, 

even when the pace is fast and timing seems important. 

When we play, we also celebrate holy uselessness. 

Like the calf frolicking in the meadow, we need no pretense or excuses. 

Work is productive; 
play, in its disinterestedness and self-forgetting,
can be fruitful." 

Margaret Guenther in Toward Holy Ground

I have a long way to go to integrate more holy uselessness into my days. But I am convinced playfulness is a more important part of my spiritual formation than I ever imagined. To give myself permission to play feels like swimming upstream in the culture of ministry. I must pay attention to all of the compulsions and resistance that keep me from engaging in playfulness.

How are you playing/being holy useless this week?

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The lost art of listening

 I picked up Eugene Peterson's The Contemplative Pastor again. It is one of those books I return to frequently to help remind me what I am supposed to focus on as one who follows a compassionate and unhurried Christ. Today I'm struck by Peterson's self-pondering, "The question I put to myself is not 'How many people have you spoken to about Christ this week?' but 'How many people have you listened to in Christ this week?'" (21).

Coming from over two decades of vocational ministry and having had to turn in statistics counting the former (speaking to others), but never the latter (listening to others), it makes me wonder:

• Why did I never have a seminary class on listening? There is homiletics and hermeneutics, but what about hearing God? Self? Others? (I did learn how to listen and pay attention to culture in my Intercultural Studies degree and I am learning to listen to "self" in my Spiritual Formation classes at Fox!) 
• Theological debates are always verbose - people trying to prove their reasoning and thus "listening" merely to garner points to disprove, with verbosity, anothers' "faulty" reasoning. What would happen, instead, if we listened more to one anothers' hearts than to their reasoning (and our intent to disprove it) alone? 
• Jesus never un-welcomed someone for their different theologies (except perhaps the Pharisees) and He was an equal-opportunity listener to those with different genders, economic status, race, nationalities etc. Who do I "instantly" close my ears to because they are different from me?
  
• Why are new disciples trained to be so wordy in prayers, in teaching, in evangelism and in sharing  testimonies? How might discipleship programs teach listening to God, self, culture and others in our quiet times, witnessing, prayer and Home Fellowships/Bible Studies?
• Why is it that I have been taught that my greatest growth as a disciple depends mostly upon listening to other people's sermons, books, seminars, teachings etc? Who teaches the disciple to listen to God in the daily ordinariness of life in nature, self-reflection, good fiction, strangers,dirty diapers etc?
  
• How can I, like Jesus, join the Father in what He is doing if I do not take time to pay attention to what He is doing? How can I heed His invitations if I cannot hear them? It is far easier to make (and measure) my own plans and ask God to bless them, than to listen to His plans and join Him.
• Why do so many need to pay a professional to "listen" to them when it is our job as the body of Christ to do that for one another?
  
• What would change if missions organizations had a column in their weekly statistic gathering for "listening" to others in Christ vs. merely speaking to others about Him?

Listening, I believe, is a greater act of love than speaking. Indeed, some of the most intimate moments of sharing a sunset, holding a baby, making love, require little in the way of spoken words. They require listening and responding and enjoying.

Listening also requires unhurriedness. To be fully present to one another (or even to myself and God) is a rare and wonderful gift! But if I am busy, thinking about what is next on the schedule, I will not listen (nor, consequently, love the other,) well. I am double minded - unstable in all my ways and in what I offer. If I have not cultivated a habit of paying attention to God and my own soul in the quiet times of solitude and silence, I cannot impart the space and energy required to engage in loving others with my ears and heart. People can mince and manipulate words and fake sincerity. You cannot fake being a good listener. It takes time and not a little amount of energy to "hear" beyond what is being said on the surface.

Perhaps that is why in the Old Testament the most often iterated command is: "Hear/Listen."

In the twice daily repeated Jewish Shema (which is, incidentally, the Hebrew word for "hear/listen"), an  invitation to Listening and Love are mingled together:

"Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is One. 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul mind and strength."

Deut 6:4

How do we become good at listening/loving?

According to Peterson

• Practice lingering and unhurriedness - with a  friend, child, spouse, pet, stranger, elderly person etc. Another offer suggests slowing to look at one thing a day through a magnifying glass - pay attention, do not rush.
  
• Schedule "margin" in your days so you are not rushing from one thing to the next and thus can linger honestly, sincerely and with focus and enjoyment;
  
• Cultivate a "listening" prayer life: "I can be active and pray; I can work and pray; but I cannot be busy and pray. I cannot be inwardly rushed, distracted and dispersed. In order to pray I have to be paying more attention to God than to what people are saying to me; to God than to my clamoring ego. Usually for that to happen there must be a deliberate withdrawal from the noise of the day, a disciplined detachment from the insatiable self" (20).
  

Incidentally, the qualities of Love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13 seem suspiciously similar to someone who is a good listener:

⁴Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  

⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  

⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

www.paulagamble.com

If I may hold your hand...it is enough

A little prayer for today:

As the rain hides the stars,
as the autumn mist hides the hills,
happenings of my lot
hide the shining of Thy face from me.
Yet, if I may hold Thy hand
in the darkness,
it is enough;
since I know that,
though I may stumble in my going,
Thou dost not fall.
Alistair Maclean

in Celtic Daily Prayer reading for 23rd day of month

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Why is busy okay?

Over the weekend I was with a group of ladies and we were pondering together how to be still in the midst of the noisiness and demands of life. Living un-busy is counter-cultural as my friend discovered during her trip to the dentist yesterday. She was greeted with, "Hi, Keeping busy?" to which she automatically replied yes.

But after our weekend of pondering what rest and stillness might actually do to bring life and meaning to our worlds, she realized the awkwardness of this familiar phrase of greeting: She writes her questions spurred on by the encounter: "Is keeping busy the equivalent to doing fine, and if I'm not keeping busy, does that mean I'm not doing well?" Seemingly, according to the cultural norm, yes.

As she talked about her musings with the dentist, the dentist replied (somewhat wistfully), "You know, in all the times I've asked people that, the answer's always the same!"

Brenda continued: "I told her that I'd recently been reminded of the importance of resting, to which she nodded sympathetically and then launched into how she is a workaholic and if she took time off wouldn't know what to do with herself, etc."

Unfortunately, not much is different in the church and in our ministries. Busy is worn as a badge of honor - perhaps because my ego is too frail and has to live off the appearance of doing significant things. Un-busy feels lazy - even when I am doing the good and right and best things of caring for my family and my soul so that I can continue to pour out to others. I know in my head this is not how God measures my significance, but there is an underlying compulsion to produce, to prove and to render acceptable my life by what I do.

Eugene Peterson, in his book the Contemplative pastor, writes about this: "The word busy is the symptom not of commitment but of betrayal. It is not devotion but defection. The adjective busy set as a modifier to pastor should sound to our ears like adulterous to characterze a wife or embezzler to characterize a banker. It is an outrageous scandal, a blasphemous affront" (17).

The un-ing of my life continues - un-busying because if I cannot say no, what does that say about my yeses?

Anyone else encounter this?


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Through the breathtaking empty space of an open door...

This prayer is from the Celtic Daily Prayer book - I like it and have prayed it often lately:

Lord, help me now to unclutter my life,
to organize myself in the direction of simplicity.
Lord teach me to listen to my heart;
teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it.
Lord, i give you these stirrings inside me,
I give You my discontent,
I give You my restlessness,
I give You my doubt,
I give You my despair,
I give You all the longings I hold inside.
Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth;
to listen seriously and follow where they lead
through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.

Need some space to reflect more deeply on your restlessness? Need help in stepping through the breathtaking empty space of an open door? How about joining me on a ReFresh retreat - one spot left for Sept. 16th. More info here

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Unsolved heart questions

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart, Try to love the questions themselves...do not look for answers...
at present you need to live the question..." Rainer Maria Rilke

Lately, I've had trouble living the questions -and I've had a lot of them: About God and how He works; about me, and how I can live better; about our world - why there is so much woundedness and pain. In my quest to find answers, I've expended a whole bunch of energy trying to figure "it" out ("it" translated as whatever I think "it" should be). Most times I discover that the "it" I am trying to figure out has little to do with God's heart and intention. More often than not, I realize that I am looking for answers so that I can be comforted, feel secure, affirmed and assured that I'm doing "it" (again - whatever "it" is) well.

When I become tired of expending so much energy in what seems fruitless (figuring "it" out - or thinking I have, only to discover that the "it" I've surmised, defined and figured out did not truly solve my deepest heart need), I turn to diversions - I make assumptions, presumptions and rationalizations while trying to define and dictate what I think will be pleasing to God. But it is my limited finite solution that remains limited and finite. Or if that fails, I just get busy so that I don't have to face the inadequacies of my heart full of unanswered questions.

Another human struggling with unanswered heart questions wrote:

"Above all, trust the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown, something new... Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete."

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

• What are some of your unsolved heart questions that you are living?

• What are you feeling in suspense about - what are questions that you cannot answer in your life?

• What feels incomplete?
• Do you think that your longing for answers is an important part of "living the questions"?
  

• Offer your unsolved heart questions and "in-suspense-ness" to the I Am - rest in His infinite, perfect and loving heart for you.
  

Incidentally, we weren't meant to figure "it" out because life is not an impersonal strategic action plan that we can organize and streamline with time-saving gadgets. Life is relational - inaugurated by the Great I Am - not an impersonal and innocuous "it."

Living the question is hard work...it is good work because we walk WITH Another who gently leads and liberates us (vs. gives us knowledge and answers and strategies for living).

www.paulagamble.com

Resting Between His Shoulders

What do you love most about this picture?


I love the face of the mama who has great delight in her baby, who is completely at rest between her mama's shoulders. My friend Ashley shared this verse with me a few weeks ago and I have been astounded by it:

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him
for He shields him all day long;
and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders"
Deut 33:12

Beloved;
rest secure
shields,
rests...
ahhhh

Then I shared it with another friend, Jeremy, in prayer. It brought tears to his eyes as he recounted his own musings and meditations on that very verse over the past few weeks.

Then I lunched with Robin - shared it with her as an invitation to continue to rest securely in the midst of much chaos. Later that day she saw the picture above on a friend's facebook page - the baby's name is Princess and what is she doing?
Yup -
Cool.
Seems like a pretty cool invitation - one I need to continue heeding - believing that Papa delights in (and yes, is especially fond) of such moments.
Rest between His shoulders - beloved - rest securely...


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Spreading the laundry love - Love this!

Some fellow CRM staff in Phoenix are spreading the Love of God through laundry! Check this out - so creative and good!


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Nobody or Somebody?

Clinging to God in Solitude
"When we enter into solitude to be with God alone, we quickly discover how dependent we are. Without the many distractions fo our daily lives, we feel anxious and tense. When nobody speaks to us, calls on us, or needs our help, we start feeling like nobodies. Then we begin wondering whether we are useful, valuable, and significant. Our tendency is to leave this fearful solitude quickly and get busy again to reassure ourselves that we are "somebodies." But that is a temptation, because what makes us somebodies is not other people's responses to us but God's eternal love for us.

To claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as the One who makes us who we are."

From Henri Nouwen society - www.henrinouwen.org

For Better or Worse...

"The Parable of the Weeds Among the Wheat"

Artist: Scott Freeman

My team and I are reading a book called, Weeds Among the Wheat by Thomas Green. This morning I read of how times of desolation are like "worse" part of the marriage vow of "for better or worse." Most times, if the partners stay true to the relationship, without trying to get something out of the other, the "worse" makes the "better" better - even with God. Both seasons are necessary gifts to both reveal and strengthen our love.

In the midst of some of my own sense of desolation lately, this gives me courage and hope. There is a refining happening that will not only purify my heart, but also "fuse me" to the love of Jesus Christ. He is not fixing me...he is loving me...and it is strangely miserable and wonderful. Eager to see how this "worse" will make the "better" better.

www.paulagamble.com

Tears create a place of welcome...

"You keep track of all my sorrows;
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book."
~Psalm 56:8

The Tears of the Father

The father in the story of the prodigal son suffered much. He saw his younger son leave, knowing the disappointments, rejections and abuses facing him. He saw his older son become angry and bitter, and was unable to offer him affection and support. A large part of the father's life has been waiting. He could not force his younger son to come home or his older son to let go of his resentments. Only they themselves could take the initiative to return.

During these long years of waiting the father cried many tears and died many deaths. He was emptied out by suffering. But that emptiness had created a place of welcome for his sons when the time of their return came. We are called to become like that father."

Henri Nouwen-Bread for the Journey

+++++

What makes your heart ache? What has brought tears? Could you possibly believe that the One who is acquainted with sorrows and griefs is fully aware and doing a deeper work in you than you can imagine, or even manufacture, for yourself? Today, take hope that any emptying in you will lead to a spacious place of welcome - both for God and others. As Augustine said, "God gives where he finds empty hands."

This desert/Valley of Achor will lead to a door of hope (Hosea 2:14-15)

Oh Lord, help me today to receive

this emptying

with hope that you alone

could turn it into a spacious place -

a place of welcome,

perhaps even celebration.

Gift me, please, with a sense of your nearness

as the Suffering Servant; Suffering Father; Suffering Spirit.

~Amen

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What caught my attention in the woods

Today I started the day off right - out in the woods. Early, quiet, a rich treat for eyes, ears and nose. As the sun was streaming in, it highlighted several spider webs - so amazingly beautiful, delicate and only visible when the sun would "backlight" them. (Hence the constant running into non back-lit webs across the path - not so pleasant!)

Indeed, much of deep soul stuff is lived "unnoticed" and hidden - until a light shines in and illuminates what is there. Without the light, we walking into the annoying webs unaware. With the light, we can appreciate their beauty - and avoid the sticky mess resulting from collision.

May I be content to be hidden unawares,
until God's light shows forth my beauty.

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Reservoir vs. canal

Bernard of Clairvaux said this nearly 1000 years ago...a good word for our century as well:

“If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as a reservoir
than as a canal. For a canal spreads abroad water as it receives it,
but a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing,
and thus communicates, without loss to itself,
its superabundant water.
In the church at the present day (1100s),
we have many canals, few reservoirs.”

(in Richard Foster, Prayer, 168).

When I come to God only because I have a Bible study to teach, worship to lead or a small group I'm expected to participate in and have answers for, God becomes a means to an end, rather than the end. It is so subtle, but it is a way of using God for what I want and need - quite often according to my agenda and my own definitions of what I think is spiritual. Operating this way over time leads to a weary depletion and dissatisfaction. I know...I've lived such a utilitarian spirituality. It works for a while - but there is so much more. I also know because my job now is to help those who are tapped out from living as canals learn to let their souls be filled with Love before loving others. The first command to Love Him must precede the second. Coming to Him simply because you know He delights in being with you is a radically different way to have the proverbial traditional "quiet time" (which ironically is rarely quiet).

Learning to enjoy Him for Him - that is how one becomes a reservoir. Coming to hear what He has to say (vs. me telling Him, "this is what I want, how I want it and when I want it by") or even to say nothing - enjoying a wordless being-together - is the way we deepen both our prayer lives as well as our intimacy with God. It is the only way I can give of myself without loss to myself.


Do you know God beyond what you can do for Him or what He can do for you?

The best posture for such is open handed receptivity. No pretense, no demands. Letting go of any agendas, excuses and expectations - the One who knows you and loves you knows how to meet the deepest and neediest parts of your soul. Let God dictate in love how He wants to deal with you. (Psalm 119:124)

Try this today:

• Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale, say, "Thank you."

• Set a timer for 10 minutes. The purpose isn't to restrict you to 10 minutes, but to allow you the freedom to focus on God vs. wondering, "Is my 10 minutes up?" Do not journal anything during these 10 minutes. And try to not even say anything (verbally or in your head). Whatever happens, sit in the 10 minutes with God - without agenda, without verbal requests or intercessions. Let Him take the lead - even if that lead is silence.

• If you are distracted during that time, use a phrase such as, "Abba I belong to you" to re-center you towards the Lord. If a person comes to mind, you might just say, "God, I lift him/her to you. You know his/her needs" and return to refocusing on God.

• After the 10 minutes A) Take a few more minutes to journal what happened in that time. Were you distracted? Did the time seem long or short? Did you want to continue beyond the alarm? Did you sense God saying anything to you? Did God make you aware of anything about Himself or yourself? B) Journal how you felt about your interaction with God (e.g. How did you feel about sitting with God without an agenda or prayer requests?) How did this time open your heart to trust His love?

• During this time avoid making principled statements about God or yourself (e.g. God wants all Christians to...) Instead, pay attention to what He is inviting you toward.

• Close by taking a couple more deep breaths and again saying "Thank you."
  

I'd love to hear how it goes for and I'd highly suggest you grab a buddy or two to covenant together to do and discuss these 10 minute listening exercises. Help each other delve into listening more and talking less - discus how God is using the times to open your heart toward His love.

If you want to delve into some of Bernard of Clairvaux's writings on love click here. (They can be a bit dense, but they are classic.)

www.paulagamble.com

Starved for Mystery...intimacy...rest...quiet...

"We are a very busy, wordy and heady faith tradition.
Yet we are desperate to find ways
to open ourselves to our God
who is, in the end,
beyond all of our human constructs and human agendas.
With all of our emphasis on theology and Word, cognition and service
- and as important as these are -
we are starved for mystery,
to know this God as the One who is totally Other
and to experience reverence in his presence.
We are starved for intimacy,
to see and feel and know God in the very cells of our being.
We are starved for rest,
to know God beyond what we can do for him.
We are starved for quiet,
to hear the sound of sheer silence that is the presence of God himself."

(Ruth Haley Barton, Invitation to Solitude and Silence, 21)

Sit quietly with the Lord today and ask him, "Lord, what am I most starved for?" Listen for His invitations toward himself and his love.

www.paulagamble.com

Backsliding or invitation to more?

I just spent the past 10 days with a whole lot of really great people - people who have invested their lives in vocational ministry as church planters, campus ministers, and lovers of God and people. But I also had a half dozen conversations with these seasoned folks who felt like God had "disappeared" from them. In an effort to try to get God to come closer each person described how he/she prayed more, memorized more scripture and even fasted. None of these are bad things, but I was saddened that these dear people were trying to lure God out of hiding with their righteous deeds.

As I listened to this over and over again, I was able to share with them a larger vision of spiritual maturity - our goal is not to merely be organized, efficient and dutiful disciples; Our goal is to be lovers - letting ourselves be loved by Him and letting that well up and out toward others. (Think first and second greatest commands - all about love). Many of the great saints that have preceded us (Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Bernard of Clairvaux) actually speak of this awkward latter season of faith. It is a time where there is a deep inward draw toward intimacy with God, but also sometimes a seeming absence of Him. Thomas Dubay, a modern day Jesuit, has said that some of greatest spiritual growth is often discerned as backsliding. And indeed, these people felt like they were backsliding and had to come up with a horrendous self-effort to get back into God's graces.

Does that strike anyone else as odd? (This working really hard to get into God's graces which are unearned and generous gifts?)

Our longing for more is the best thing about us - perhaps the most sure thing about us. It is God drawing us into greater heights, depths, widths and breadths of His love that surpasses our understanding. This is the most wondrously precarious journey of faith we can be on.

Take courage friends - God is with us always, a neighbor to your fears and longings and unafraid.

www.paulagamble.com

Video of Budapest skyline from Buda castle

In Hindsight it's Good Friday

Here is a link to a previous reflection on Good Friday that I wrote 3 years ago.


In Hindsight, It's Good Friday


www.paulagamble.com

9 months til Christmas!

I know, I know, you're thinking that we're in Lent - we're going to celebrate Easter in a few weeks, why are you talking about Christmas? Because today is 9 months before Dec 25th - traditionally the day celebrating the Annunciation of the angel Gabriel telling Mary she would conceive as a virgin the Son of the Most High!

Whoa - I cannot even fathom this!

9 months - that's a lot of waiting! And a lot happened in those 9 months - imagine Mary telling her parents that an angel came to her and told her she'd carry God's son. Probably a 6 month trip to visit her cousin Elizabeth was a good idea - to get her away from the supercilious smiles and gossip. How did she endure in faith while also dealing with the scandal of her pregnancy? I admit at Christmas, I don't often ponder her 9 month ordeal!

Furthermore, her betrothed wanted a quiet divorce - and it's likely a few in Nazareth probably suggested stoning her for her supposed improprieties. In these 9 months, Joseph also has a dream - and also follows in faith - coming to accept and care for Mary and the baby. How many thought him a fool?

I am astonished at Mary's faith and perseverance to say "yes" to God - yes to this "way outside of the box" assignment - how could it be?

So often Christmas "sneaks up on us" - for Mary, it was 9 months of waiting and pondering and moving ahead despite the obstacles that stood before her.

God's invitation to Mary is so radical, amazingly scandalous, and required great faith. Sometimes I long for a similar faith - and yet I wince at the "cost" of following when it seems so outside of the box.

May we be like Mary today regarding any of our challenging circumstances or waiting on the Lord:

"Behold, I am a servant of the Lord, may it be to me according to your word."

If you'd like to contemplate this more, there's a great 12 minute prayer/spiritual exercise on this today at www.pray-as-you-go.org - take a listen...


www.paulagamble.com

The gospel of confession

"The gospel confession of sin is the most generous, secure, adventurous expression of the human heart. It is the risk that is only taken in the certainty of being acceptable and accepted. It is the full and final expression of that confidence. Only to your lover do you expose your worst. To an amazed world Jesus presents a God who calls for this confession only so that he may reveal himself in a person's depths as his lover. This confession in a context of divine acceptance releases the deepest energies of the human spirit and constitutes the gospel revolution in its essence."

~ Sebastian Moore, The Crucified Jesus is No Stranger, 100.

Who would have thought that confession (agreeing with God about my failures and foibles) would be a stepping stone to God revealing Himself in my innermost spirit as my lover? How opposite from the way the world works.

May we take time today to linger with our shortcomings that we might see His divine acceptance release a gospel revolution first within us - then flowing outward.

www.paulagamble.com

Loving much...looking foolish...

Look at this picture - what do you see and notice?

Then read the story in Luke 7:36-50.



Jesus is at the home of a Pharisee - you know, those ones that are all suave and seemingly put together on the outside, but resemble a white-washed tomb? The ones whose lips ooze pious religious phrases that sound perfect and pedantic, but whose hearts are a million miles away. The Pharisees who did much for show to create and maintain an image more than to bear one.

And in the midst of this dinner - no doubt with the finest food and tableware out to impress Jesus - comes a very unimpressive (except for her conspicuous sinfulness) woman. A woman who, because of her lifestyle and behavior (perhaps even her gender and ethnicity) was a social outcast. For a Pharisee who daily thanked God that he was neither a Gentile nor a woman, this was far outside the bounds of proper social decorum. She interrupts the "boys club," disregards the sneers and gasps of incredulity and proceeds to pour out perfume upon Jesus feet. Without rushing she methodically wipes his feet over and over with her hair and tears, which is a public display of intimate affection from which most of us, even today, would likely avert our eyes.

With a smug and snide demeanor, the host imposes his judgment not only on the woman, but on Jesus for allowing "this kind" of woman to touch him (Luke 7:39). Jesus, proceeds to tell a story about moneylenders and debtors (which in itself is interesting commentary on where the Pharisee's true heart was for in order to connect to the religious Pharisee's heart, Jesus has to use a story about money. Hmmm....)

The gist of the story was that the money lender canceled the debt of two people - one who owed 50 denari and the other who owed 500. "Which do you think will love (agapao) the money lender more?"
(Why in a story about money lenders does Jesus use the word agape?)

The Simon the Pharisee responds, "The one who had the larger debt."

And indeed, Jesus proceeds to point out that this outpouring of affection from this "sinful" woman was precisely because she understood the gravity of her shortcomings and failure, and the generosity of the canceling of her debt of it!

"Simon, do you see this woman?" seems almost comical - of course he sees her. How could you miss her? His persnickety response indicates that he not only sees her, but is outraged at her behavior! But Jesus is asking Simon a deeper question: "Do you see her..." Do you see her as a human being? Do you see the love in her. I want to tell you where that love comes from.

It comes not from following religious rules. It comes not from her station in life, her social poise, nor her choices, her reputation or her spiritual habits and disciplines. Quite simply, the "moral" of the story says that her love for Jesus came because she realized her depravity and the generosity of the One who could forgive. True Agape Love is born out of forgiveness: "S/he who is forgiven little loves little." The implication: "S/he who is forgiven much loves much."

Sometimes I read this story and I wonder - do I demonstrate, even at embarrassing cost to myself, my utter gratitude for the canceling of my sin debt? If not, is it because I don't realize the gravity of my sin by thinking/saying things like, "Well, I haven't murdered anyone" or "I'm not as bad as him." I can so easily justify my sin and avoid grieving how far my heart often is from him. Until I do, I will be placid in my devotion toward Him and others.

I desire and can strive in "religious" type disciplines and traditions to try and become a more loving person. But perhaps, it is less in the striving and more in the reflection of coming before the One who can forgive, letting Him point out and invite me to let Him forgive what I am utterly unable to overcome by my own actions or merit that will breed Love in my heart and deeds.

Again, I think that is part of what Lent is about. Choosing to order my life and free up some space so I can intentionally, with the Compassionate One, reflect upon my sin, my limitations, my failures, my neediness. And to bring them before God all sloppily and soberly. And he sits there and lets me weep on his feet. And forgives me. Not just 2000 years ago on a cross - but today. In this moment. For this moment's need.

And my heart, which is given this "aphiemi" (greek for forgiveness), feels more unbound and set free to love vs. judge. Can't explain it - but I experience it daily and it is beautiful!

www.paulagamble.com

Daily Lenten Emails from CRM

If you're interested in receiving daily Lent emails from Church Resource Ministries (the parent ministry I'm a part of) go to www.crmleaders.org/lent and sign up anytime between Feb 25 and April 12th.

Peace and Good
~paula

www.paulagamble.com

Avoidance Strategies

In the same way that I do not prefer to "remember" morbid thoughts like my finitude and the atrocious and brutal death of Jesus, I find that the disciples were disconnected whenever Jesus invited them to consider his impending betrayal, beatings and death. They, like me, don't want to dwell on such ugliness. Let's just get to the good part - the resurrection! The disciples did not have the luxury we have of knowing the end of the story.

Look at their avoidance strategies:

Peter's Rebuke of Jesus - (Don't talk like that....)
In Mark 8:31 Jesus begins to tell his disciples about his suffering to come. Mark 8:32 - "As Jesus talked about this openly...Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things." Of course, and in Peter's Jewish mind, the promised Messiah would never suffer (Peter had just declared Jesus as Messiah in Mark 8:29) Jesus' response to Peter, "You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's."

After this is the transfiguration - so how in the world would Peter, James and John ever believe that Jesus would be betrayed, suffer and die? But on the way down the mountain again, Jesus brings it up. They don't know what to do with it. Thankfully, (saved by the crowd in crisis) they encounter an argument and commotion about a man whose son was unable to be healed by the disciples. Jesus heals him and they move on through Galilee. But at least they didn't have to engage with Jesus' suffering. Well, not for long because...

He brings up his suffering again. "They didn't understand...and were afraid to ask what he meant." (Mark 9:32) And in fact, as they walked along they didn't even give a thought to this suffering that Jesus kept bringing up. Instead, they changed the subject and began arguing about who would be the greatest. Again, they are completely disconnected from this impending harsh reality...afraid to ask Jesus in the same way I feel stymied in asking questions to my friends who are suffering. "Let's change the subject...and talk about greatness." Talking about suffering makes me too uncomfortable.

In chapter 10 - they are now on their way to Jerusalem - setting out on Jesus' final "mission" - to be betrayed, suffer and die on a cross. Again he brings up his suffering (Mark 10:32) and again, the two brothers, James and John, completely disregarding Jesus' words about betrayal, death and suffering, come up to Jesus and ask Jesus a favor: to sit on either side of Jesus when he sits on his glorious throne.

Focusing in on Jesus' suffering and death is more important than we know. We can be accused of being morbid for "He is Risen!" But what if we didn't know the end of the story - like the disciples? Most likely we would avoid asking Jesus more about it - we'd change the subject to talk about who would be the greatest, or ask God to do us favors, or even try to focus on more positive aspects of Jesus' life.

But focusing on his death makes me have to focus on the reason he had to die.
Me.
Me and my finitude.
Me and my imperfections.
Me and my hurriedness.
Me and my pride.
Me who would rather avoid thinking about suffering and find a million other ways to anesthetize delving into it.
Me and my propensity to protect and hoard and store up treasure here on earth.
Me who is often rebellious - but in oh so subtle ways.
Me who would rather ask God for favors in order to avoid thinking about Jesus' death.

Oh my dear sisters and brothers - if we do not feel deep sorrow for our sins, we will never fully understand the thoroughness of His liberating forgiveness. Lent is the season that calls us to sit in the fullness of what we'd rather avoid. And, perhaps what we'll discover is this: She who has been forgiven much, loves much - more on that to come.

www.paulagamble.com

Ash Wednesday - an invitation to embrace our finitude

You'd think that growing up in the Episcopal church I would have understood Ash Wednesday by now. I am coming to appreciate what went unnoticed then. As Father Tony said on Wednesday night in his homily, Ash Wednesday is an invitation to remind us of our "creatureliness."

Put another way - we are invited to "embrace our finitude."
We have limited capacity,
we are imperfect,
we cannot do it all.

Maybe I understand this better now because I am in "mid-life" and realize my finitude and creatureliness now more than ever. And the crazy thing is that I was irritable much of this week because of this very finitude that I am now being invited to embrace. Irritable because I couldn't do it all, and others and myself were expecting me to do it all. How freeing to embrace my limited capacity today, to slow, linger, take deeper breaths and be okay with not finishing my to-do list that was completely unrealistic in the first place.

Walter Wangerin Junior, in his brilliant Lenten devotional echoes this sentiment of Lent calling us to remember our finiteness and death. He writes, "That sounds old in a modern ear, doesn't it? Fusty, irrelevant, and positively medieval! Why should I think about death [and my finiteness and limitations] when all the world cries out 'Life' and 'Live' [and you can do it all!]...didn't Jesus promise an abundant life?" (22). We don't want to be bothered by such "morbidity."

There is an excellent meditative prayer exercise at metamorpha.com on this very topic of embracing our finitude. (That's where I stole the phrase from). Here is the meditation, in part, below:

Spend 20 minutes acknowledging your finite nature.

• God has created me with limitations.

  • I cannot grant everyone’s wishes.

  • I will have to depend upon others to accomplish certain tasks.

  • I have limited knowledge and am prone to forget things that I have learned.

  • I will frequently not accomplish all the goals I have set before myself in a day, week, year, etc.?

• What is my reaction to experiencing my limitations?

  • Do I attempt to make a new plan to ensure I will prevail?

  • Do I attempt to move on to something else that I know I can succeed at?

  • Do I fabricate an answer to a question in order to maintain the appearance that I am all-knowing?

  • Do I simply give up?

• What is the driving emotion behind these reactions?

  • Do I experience deep anger, fear or sadness when I am faced with my limitations?

So perhaps you can join me over this season - acknowledge your inability to do it all and live in the freedom that brings.

Peace and good to you

www.paulagamble.com

A fresh attempt at lingering - I bought a dining table

I bought a dining table yesterday - for 13 years in my condo I've only sat at the kitchen counter to eat meals. The same counter where I sort piles of mail, and laundry and groceries. It is the largest flat surface in my house so it typically has some sort of "mess" on it - mosaics, bills, ingredients for my next meal etc. It is far too often a stopping ground for all the things I'll get to "soon." So, when (if) I "sit" to eat, it has been typically on a stool and looking at whatever the current piles of papers or groceries or things to do is. Not very relaxing.


So in an effort to be more intentional in lingering at mealtimes (as opposed to my typical routine of spending 20-30 minutes creating an amazing dinner and taking 5 minutes - sometimes even still standing - to wolf it down), I splurged. I went to the mecca of good, reasonably priced furniture, Ikea, and bought a table where no other messes will be allowed to gather. One where already I have felt the normal temptations to keep going at a breakneck speed and multitask during mealtimes, halted. I can look out my windows at the birds. I can relax and be fully present to every taste and texture. I never thought a dining table would help me cultivate a more worshipful attitude in my day. Go figure - the holiness of the ordinary.

www.paulagamble.com

Practicing the art of lingering

It's a snow day - and it completely renders my desire to do any work as unpalatable. So, I decided that today I would practice sauntering, lingering and frolicking. There is an edge of "guilt" to this - sometimes a fuzzy line between my lingering and laziness. Perhaps on this quest to become proficient as a "lingerer" I will have to unlearn the cultural admonitions regarding always working hard (and constant) to produce, amass, and feel accomplished. Who defines that anyway? So an unguilting needs to take place - I imagine it will come with practice.

Being a lingerer in a world full of bustling festinaters feels awkward - there is both internal and external friction to lingering - a contrariety between what is considered and expected as the "norm" of our work days and what we were originally created for. I bet Adam and Eve did a lot of sauntering, lingering and frolicking with God in the garden. Introduce sin - introduce guilt and blaming and hiding and rushing and agitation.

I imagine heaven being a place of sauntering, lingering and frolicking - that's why it feels so pertinent to practice it here. How can I integrate these three verbs into this day? Perhaps it's just as easy as choosing a "guilt-free" half hour on my schedule dedicated to nothing in particular except that which presents itself. Start by sauntering, which often leads to lingering, which often leads to a heart-full frolic (which in Latin (or old German?) means to rejoice/exult!) And one should never feel guilty doing something that leads to rejoicing right?

If Sauntering and Lingering and Frolicking lead to rejoicing - and we are to "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice" - then natural reverse logic says, "Saunter in the Lord always, and again I say saunter. Linger in the Lord always, and again I say linger. Frolic in the Lord always and again I say, frolic."

I know - probably too much liberty with that Biblical admonition. But how often I hear people say, "How am I supposed to choose joy? Do I just recite happy Bible verse until they sink in?" Well - perhaps. But what if rejoicing had little to do with words, indeed, what if rejoicing happens wordlessly as we saunter, linger, admire (Latin ad = near or towards; mirari = to wonder) and respond with a capriolic frolic.

Finding it hard to rejoice?
Slow down to a saunter.
Lean into linger.
Find time to frolic -
and somewhere along the way, you will find yourself rejoicing!

Three Verbs I want more of in my life...

Sauntering - Lingering - Frolicking. None of these seem to coincide with North American modernity which most people complain of but never do anything about. I even found out that June 19th is world Sauntering day - how cool is that? I can't wait! But I don't just want one day a year! So I am learning - to saunter, to linger, to frolic. In these things I find great delight.

Thoreau on "Walking"

So I discovered that Thoreau wrote a book on walking - yes, walking. I couldn't believe it as I have come to realize that I think sometimes the best thing I do to contribute to this world and becoming a better human comes from me walking in the woods.

He writes, "I have met but one or two persons in the course of my life who understood the art of walking, that is...who had a genius, so to speak for SAUNTERING."

He then goes on to explain that the word saunter derived from the middle ages - people who were wandering on their way to the Holy Land (Sainte Terre) and were thus nick-named "sainte-terrer" or Holy-Lander.

I, indeed, do find walking in the woods a holy activity - Thoreau says that the secret of successful sauntering could also come from the interpretation of "sans terre" meaning "without land" - as in "having no particular home, but [being] equally at home everywhere."

"No wealth can buy the requisite leisure, freedom, and independence which are the capital in this profession [of walking]. It comes only by the grace of God. It requires a direct dispensation from heaven to become a walker."

So - as I head out into the woods today, I will remember how wonderfully holy it is - and reap the capital rewards (not to be confused with the credit card) of this profession. Thanks Henry David - I like your style!

www.paulagamble.com

Why is loving God assumed?

Today I was out at a large missions conference in the Portland area - wow! It was a smorgasbord of amazing topics and seminars - 125 seminars total - how amazing is that? Like walking through a scrumptious buffet line, it would be easy to be overwhelmed by all the great choices. How in the world do you begin to decide what you want to go get a taste of? And - there was a throng of people in attendance - hard to walk from one side of the facility to the other. But would you believe it - out of 125 seminars, there was only 1 (at least from the titles and descriptions I read) on loving God. Why is that? Why is it that we spend so much time and energy talking about how to do ministry and merely assume that loving and being loved by God is happening? I know in my 21 years of ministry, it is assumed wrongly. It seems so much easier to measure "doing" than loving - and thus "doing" is emphasized and taught - it is the typical curriculum at most seminaries and conferences. Doing isn't wrong - but doing can be done in a loving manner, or not. It can sometimes be a clanging cymbal and noisy gong when it has not been done from and in love.
So my heart is a tad saddened today that once again, the emphasis on the 2nd command. I long to see ministry flowing from an overflow of intimacy with Christ...loving and letting ourselves being loved by Him and replicating that love to a loveless world.
Oh Lord, have mercy.

www.paulagamble.com

I said "no" today...

...No to something that I really wanted...No to an opportunity that would have developed my writing in really profound ways...No to remuneration that would have given me a some breathing room financially.

But it was Papa's no. And that means I said "yes" to Him.

Sometimes these life decisions get so complicated. I might not have even been chosen in the first place to be the writer for this project. That would have been someone else saying the "no." In a way, that would have been easier. I would have seen that as God "closing the door." But I needed to close the door. I needed to say no to obey him - whether or not I was chosen.

It is bittersweet - and I hear the enemy's annoying taunts that I'm a quitter or not brave enough to dive into this. I'm not sure how I feel fully about it but my tears are opening a doorway to something core going on deep within. I will pay attention to what He wants to reveal to me about me - the real me. I will let Him purge away the things that obscured my view and keep me bound.

So, I will continue to wait. To trust. I would rather say "yes" to Him by saying "no" to even something that is very good.

www.paulagamble.com