Hoping to God that God is God - Part IV

Regardless of my understanding or ability to control, I felt free to bring my weary and melancholy self into God's presence...again. I am, indeed, powerless to truly solve my humanity with all my innate compulsions to defend, affirm and advance myself. The more I try, the more deeply vested and mired is my ego in itself and its addictions.


The whole Christian journey truly seems to be about God lovingly "un-ning" my false ways of navigating life, and inviting me to union with Him. This isn't just belonging - but joining - becoming one with, having my life hidden with; it is the no-longer-I-who-live-but-Christ-who-lives-in-me sort of stuff. It is the marrow of saints and mystics and martyrs and people who take vows of poverty and chastity and preach sermons to birds and care for the dying in the slums of India - right? Or is it the pith of me, you, the ordinary folk in the 21st century living in a glut of impotent spirituality?


I am woefully inadequate (and not to mention way too selfish and controlling) for union. And yet, I both long for and likely subconsciously sabotage this soul yearning in response to Divine Invitation. My inadequacy, at least in this corner of "my" life, ought to be the greatest cause for celebration. And yet, because my eyes are still too much on me, and what others might think of me, I struggle with feeling morose and discouraged.



Once again. Again. And again...Just as I am, I come. And for a brief moment a warm breath dissipates the despair. For a moment. Then once again, again, and again...just as I am, I come. Abiding, centering, veering off, re-centering, hoping to God that God is God...and flavoring me well in the midst of the marinating.

 

• creating unhurried space for the soul 
• soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Hoping to God that God is God - Part II

I long to belong.

I am scared of belonging.

What does that actually mean anyway? That I'm accepted? Wanted? Fit in? Or am I merely a bona fide card-carrying member because I passed some weird initiations and have a few seminary degrees and certificates and can spout off some odd creeds and Bible verses and look and spend like most of the others who belong to my particular flavor of Christianity?

That I "heard" the God of the Universe say that I belong to Him both thrills and threatens me. But I don't really know all of what this means. Who am I? Meaning I am both in awe and confused. I didn't think that was possible.

• Tell me about a time when you were both in awe AND confused at the same time...
• What "threatens" you about belonging? How do you prevent yourself from being yourself in your efforts to belong?

 

• creating unhurried space for the soul 
• soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Hoping to God that God is God - Part I

This morning I attempted to sit in silence with God. I am longing for my heart to be healed and know that unflummoxed peace, confidence, and the lack of defensive and judgmental postures from encountering the world in fear. This can only come as Deep calls to deep and melts away all my ingrained compulsions and lusty attachments. In this I am hoping to God that God is God...and good.

So I sat with Him - or more appropriately, squirmed in my attempt to settle my soul while using the "centering" phrase, "I belong to you" every time there was a "distraction" (only about 6000 times...). A few times I heard (not audibly, but assuredly in my core) in response, "Yes, you belong to me."

Those five words brought simultaneous comfort and terror.

• What does "belonging" mean to you? 
• How do you respond to belonging to God?

 

• creating unhurried space for the soul 
• soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com