Video of Budapest skyline from Buda castle

In Hindsight it's Good Friday

Here is a link to a previous reflection on Good Friday that I wrote 3 years ago.


In Hindsight, It's Good Friday


www.paulagamble.com

9 months til Christmas!

I know, I know, you're thinking that we're in Lent - we're going to celebrate Easter in a few weeks, why are you talking about Christmas? Because today is 9 months before Dec 25th - traditionally the day celebrating the Annunciation of the angel Gabriel telling Mary she would conceive as a virgin the Son of the Most High!

Whoa - I cannot even fathom this!

9 months - that's a lot of waiting! And a lot happened in those 9 months - imagine Mary telling her parents that an angel came to her and told her she'd carry God's son. Probably a 6 month trip to visit her cousin Elizabeth was a good idea - to get her away from the supercilious smiles and gossip. How did she endure in faith while also dealing with the scandal of her pregnancy? I admit at Christmas, I don't often ponder her 9 month ordeal!

Furthermore, her betrothed wanted a quiet divorce - and it's likely a few in Nazareth probably suggested stoning her for her supposed improprieties. In these 9 months, Joseph also has a dream - and also follows in faith - coming to accept and care for Mary and the baby. How many thought him a fool?

I am astonished at Mary's faith and perseverance to say "yes" to God - yes to this "way outside of the box" assignment - how could it be?

So often Christmas "sneaks up on us" - for Mary, it was 9 months of waiting and pondering and moving ahead despite the obstacles that stood before her.

God's invitation to Mary is so radical, amazingly scandalous, and required great faith. Sometimes I long for a similar faith - and yet I wince at the "cost" of following when it seems so outside of the box.

May we be like Mary today regarding any of our challenging circumstances or waiting on the Lord:

"Behold, I am a servant of the Lord, may it be to me according to your word."

If you'd like to contemplate this more, there's a great 12 minute prayer/spiritual exercise on this today at www.pray-as-you-go.org - take a listen...


www.paulagamble.com

The gospel of confession

"The gospel confession of sin is the most generous, secure, adventurous expression of the human heart. It is the risk that is only taken in the certainty of being acceptable and accepted. It is the full and final expression of that confidence. Only to your lover do you expose your worst. To an amazed world Jesus presents a God who calls for this confession only so that he may reveal himself in a person's depths as his lover. This confession in a context of divine acceptance releases the deepest energies of the human spirit and constitutes the gospel revolution in its essence."

~ Sebastian Moore, The Crucified Jesus is No Stranger, 100.

Who would have thought that confession (agreeing with God about my failures and foibles) would be a stepping stone to God revealing Himself in my innermost spirit as my lover? How opposite from the way the world works.

May we take time today to linger with our shortcomings that we might see His divine acceptance release a gospel revolution first within us - then flowing outward.

www.paulagamble.com

Loving much...looking foolish...

Look at this picture - what do you see and notice?

Then read the story in Luke 7:36-50.



Jesus is at the home of a Pharisee - you know, those ones that are all suave and seemingly put together on the outside, but resemble a white-washed tomb? The ones whose lips ooze pious religious phrases that sound perfect and pedantic, but whose hearts are a million miles away. The Pharisees who did much for show to create and maintain an image more than to bear one.

And in the midst of this dinner - no doubt with the finest food and tableware out to impress Jesus - comes a very unimpressive (except for her conspicuous sinfulness) woman. A woman who, because of her lifestyle and behavior (perhaps even her gender and ethnicity) was a social outcast. For a Pharisee who daily thanked God that he was neither a Gentile nor a woman, this was far outside the bounds of proper social decorum. She interrupts the "boys club," disregards the sneers and gasps of incredulity and proceeds to pour out perfume upon Jesus feet. Without rushing she methodically wipes his feet over and over with her hair and tears, which is a public display of intimate affection from which most of us, even today, would likely avert our eyes.

With a smug and snide demeanor, the host imposes his judgment not only on the woman, but on Jesus for allowing "this kind" of woman to touch him (Luke 7:39). Jesus, proceeds to tell a story about moneylenders and debtors (which in itself is interesting commentary on where the Pharisee's true heart was for in order to connect to the religious Pharisee's heart, Jesus has to use a story about money. Hmmm....)

The gist of the story was that the money lender canceled the debt of two people - one who owed 50 denari and the other who owed 500. "Which do you think will love (agapao) the money lender more?"
(Why in a story about money lenders does Jesus use the word agape?)

The Simon the Pharisee responds, "The one who had the larger debt."

And indeed, Jesus proceeds to point out that this outpouring of affection from this "sinful" woman was precisely because she understood the gravity of her shortcomings and failure, and the generosity of the canceling of her debt of it!

"Simon, do you see this woman?" seems almost comical - of course he sees her. How could you miss her? His persnickety response indicates that he not only sees her, but is outraged at her behavior! But Jesus is asking Simon a deeper question: "Do you see her..." Do you see her as a human being? Do you see the love in her. I want to tell you where that love comes from.

It comes not from following religious rules. It comes not from her station in life, her social poise, nor her choices, her reputation or her spiritual habits and disciplines. Quite simply, the "moral" of the story says that her love for Jesus came because she realized her depravity and the generosity of the One who could forgive. True Agape Love is born out of forgiveness: "S/he who is forgiven little loves little." The implication: "S/he who is forgiven much loves much."

Sometimes I read this story and I wonder - do I demonstrate, even at embarrassing cost to myself, my utter gratitude for the canceling of my sin debt? If not, is it because I don't realize the gravity of my sin by thinking/saying things like, "Well, I haven't murdered anyone" or "I'm not as bad as him." I can so easily justify my sin and avoid grieving how far my heart often is from him. Until I do, I will be placid in my devotion toward Him and others.

I desire and can strive in "religious" type disciplines and traditions to try and become a more loving person. But perhaps, it is less in the striving and more in the reflection of coming before the One who can forgive, letting Him point out and invite me to let Him forgive what I am utterly unable to overcome by my own actions or merit that will breed Love in my heart and deeds.

Again, I think that is part of what Lent is about. Choosing to order my life and free up some space so I can intentionally, with the Compassionate One, reflect upon my sin, my limitations, my failures, my neediness. And to bring them before God all sloppily and soberly. And he sits there and lets me weep on his feet. And forgives me. Not just 2000 years ago on a cross - but today. In this moment. For this moment's need.

And my heart, which is given this "aphiemi" (greek for forgiveness), feels more unbound and set free to love vs. judge. Can't explain it - but I experience it daily and it is beautiful!

www.paulagamble.com

Daily Lenten Emails from CRM

If you're interested in receiving daily Lent emails from Church Resource Ministries (the parent ministry I'm a part of) go to www.crmleaders.org/lent and sign up anytime between Feb 25 and April 12th.

Peace and Good
~paula

www.paulagamble.com

Avoidance Strategies

In the same way that I do not prefer to "remember" morbid thoughts like my finitude and the atrocious and brutal death of Jesus, I find that the disciples were disconnected whenever Jesus invited them to consider his impending betrayal, beatings and death. They, like me, don't want to dwell on such ugliness. Let's just get to the good part - the resurrection! The disciples did not have the luxury we have of knowing the end of the story.

Look at their avoidance strategies:

Peter's Rebuke of Jesus - (Don't talk like that....)
In Mark 8:31 Jesus begins to tell his disciples about his suffering to come. Mark 8:32 - "As Jesus talked about this openly...Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things." Of course, and in Peter's Jewish mind, the promised Messiah would never suffer (Peter had just declared Jesus as Messiah in Mark 8:29) Jesus' response to Peter, "You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's."

After this is the transfiguration - so how in the world would Peter, James and John ever believe that Jesus would be betrayed, suffer and die? But on the way down the mountain again, Jesus brings it up. They don't know what to do with it. Thankfully, (saved by the crowd in crisis) they encounter an argument and commotion about a man whose son was unable to be healed by the disciples. Jesus heals him and they move on through Galilee. But at least they didn't have to engage with Jesus' suffering. Well, not for long because...

He brings up his suffering again. "They didn't understand...and were afraid to ask what he meant." (Mark 9:32) And in fact, as they walked along they didn't even give a thought to this suffering that Jesus kept bringing up. Instead, they changed the subject and began arguing about who would be the greatest. Again, they are completely disconnected from this impending harsh reality...afraid to ask Jesus in the same way I feel stymied in asking questions to my friends who are suffering. "Let's change the subject...and talk about greatness." Talking about suffering makes me too uncomfortable.

In chapter 10 - they are now on their way to Jerusalem - setting out on Jesus' final "mission" - to be betrayed, suffer and die on a cross. Again he brings up his suffering (Mark 10:32) and again, the two brothers, James and John, completely disregarding Jesus' words about betrayal, death and suffering, come up to Jesus and ask Jesus a favor: to sit on either side of Jesus when he sits on his glorious throne.

Focusing in on Jesus' suffering and death is more important than we know. We can be accused of being morbid for "He is Risen!" But what if we didn't know the end of the story - like the disciples? Most likely we would avoid asking Jesus more about it - we'd change the subject to talk about who would be the greatest, or ask God to do us favors, or even try to focus on more positive aspects of Jesus' life.

But focusing on his death makes me have to focus on the reason he had to die.
Me.
Me and my finitude.
Me and my imperfections.
Me and my hurriedness.
Me and my pride.
Me who would rather avoid thinking about suffering and find a million other ways to anesthetize delving into it.
Me and my propensity to protect and hoard and store up treasure here on earth.
Me who is often rebellious - but in oh so subtle ways.
Me who would rather ask God for favors in order to avoid thinking about Jesus' death.

Oh my dear sisters and brothers - if we do not feel deep sorrow for our sins, we will never fully understand the thoroughness of His liberating forgiveness. Lent is the season that calls us to sit in the fullness of what we'd rather avoid. And, perhaps what we'll discover is this: She who has been forgiven much, loves much - more on that to come.

www.paulagamble.com

Ash Wednesday - an invitation to embrace our finitude

You'd think that growing up in the Episcopal church I would have understood Ash Wednesday by now. I am coming to appreciate what went unnoticed then. As Father Tony said on Wednesday night in his homily, Ash Wednesday is an invitation to remind us of our "creatureliness."

Put another way - we are invited to "embrace our finitude."
We have limited capacity,
we are imperfect,
we cannot do it all.

Maybe I understand this better now because I am in "mid-life" and realize my finitude and creatureliness now more than ever. And the crazy thing is that I was irritable much of this week because of this very finitude that I am now being invited to embrace. Irritable because I couldn't do it all, and others and myself were expecting me to do it all. How freeing to embrace my limited capacity today, to slow, linger, take deeper breaths and be okay with not finishing my to-do list that was completely unrealistic in the first place.

Walter Wangerin Junior, in his brilliant Lenten devotional echoes this sentiment of Lent calling us to remember our finiteness and death. He writes, "That sounds old in a modern ear, doesn't it? Fusty, irrelevant, and positively medieval! Why should I think about death [and my finiteness and limitations] when all the world cries out 'Life' and 'Live' [and you can do it all!]...didn't Jesus promise an abundant life?" (22). We don't want to be bothered by such "morbidity."

There is an excellent meditative prayer exercise at metamorpha.com on this very topic of embracing our finitude. (That's where I stole the phrase from). Here is the meditation, in part, below:

Spend 20 minutes acknowledging your finite nature.

• God has created me with limitations.

  • I cannot grant everyone’s wishes.

  • I will have to depend upon others to accomplish certain tasks.

  • I have limited knowledge and am prone to forget things that I have learned.

  • I will frequently not accomplish all the goals I have set before myself in a day, week, year, etc.?

• What is my reaction to experiencing my limitations?

  • Do I attempt to make a new plan to ensure I will prevail?

  • Do I attempt to move on to something else that I know I can succeed at?

  • Do I fabricate an answer to a question in order to maintain the appearance that I am all-knowing?

  • Do I simply give up?

• What is the driving emotion behind these reactions?

  • Do I experience deep anger, fear or sadness when I am faced with my limitations?

So perhaps you can join me over this season - acknowledge your inability to do it all and live in the freedom that brings.

Peace and good to you

www.paulagamble.com

A fresh attempt at lingering - I bought a dining table

I bought a dining table yesterday - for 13 years in my condo I've only sat at the kitchen counter to eat meals. The same counter where I sort piles of mail, and laundry and groceries. It is the largest flat surface in my house so it typically has some sort of "mess" on it - mosaics, bills, ingredients for my next meal etc. It is far too often a stopping ground for all the things I'll get to "soon." So, when (if) I "sit" to eat, it has been typically on a stool and looking at whatever the current piles of papers or groceries or things to do is. Not very relaxing.


So in an effort to be more intentional in lingering at mealtimes (as opposed to my typical routine of spending 20-30 minutes creating an amazing dinner and taking 5 minutes - sometimes even still standing - to wolf it down), I splurged. I went to the mecca of good, reasonably priced furniture, Ikea, and bought a table where no other messes will be allowed to gather. One where already I have felt the normal temptations to keep going at a breakneck speed and multitask during mealtimes, halted. I can look out my windows at the birds. I can relax and be fully present to every taste and texture. I never thought a dining table would help me cultivate a more worshipful attitude in my day. Go figure - the holiness of the ordinary.

www.paulagamble.com

Practicing the art of lingering

It's a snow day - and it completely renders my desire to do any work as unpalatable. So, I decided that today I would practice sauntering, lingering and frolicking. There is an edge of "guilt" to this - sometimes a fuzzy line between my lingering and laziness. Perhaps on this quest to become proficient as a "lingerer" I will have to unlearn the cultural admonitions regarding always working hard (and constant) to produce, amass, and feel accomplished. Who defines that anyway? So an unguilting needs to take place - I imagine it will come with practice.

Being a lingerer in a world full of bustling festinaters feels awkward - there is both internal and external friction to lingering - a contrariety between what is considered and expected as the "norm" of our work days and what we were originally created for. I bet Adam and Eve did a lot of sauntering, lingering and frolicking with God in the garden. Introduce sin - introduce guilt and blaming and hiding and rushing and agitation.

I imagine heaven being a place of sauntering, lingering and frolicking - that's why it feels so pertinent to practice it here. How can I integrate these three verbs into this day? Perhaps it's just as easy as choosing a "guilt-free" half hour on my schedule dedicated to nothing in particular except that which presents itself. Start by sauntering, which often leads to lingering, which often leads to a heart-full frolic (which in Latin (or old German?) means to rejoice/exult!) And one should never feel guilty doing something that leads to rejoicing right?

If Sauntering and Lingering and Frolicking lead to rejoicing - and we are to "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice" - then natural reverse logic says, "Saunter in the Lord always, and again I say saunter. Linger in the Lord always, and again I say linger. Frolic in the Lord always and again I say, frolic."

I know - probably too much liberty with that Biblical admonition. But how often I hear people say, "How am I supposed to choose joy? Do I just recite happy Bible verse until they sink in?" Well - perhaps. But what if rejoicing had little to do with words, indeed, what if rejoicing happens wordlessly as we saunter, linger, admire (Latin ad = near or towards; mirari = to wonder) and respond with a capriolic frolic.

Finding it hard to rejoice?
Slow down to a saunter.
Lean into linger.
Find time to frolic -
and somewhere along the way, you will find yourself rejoicing!

Three Verbs I want more of in my life...

Sauntering - Lingering - Frolicking. None of these seem to coincide with North American modernity which most people complain of but never do anything about. I even found out that June 19th is world Sauntering day - how cool is that? I can't wait! But I don't just want one day a year! So I am learning - to saunter, to linger, to frolic. In these things I find great delight.

Thoreau on "Walking"

So I discovered that Thoreau wrote a book on walking - yes, walking. I couldn't believe it as I have come to realize that I think sometimes the best thing I do to contribute to this world and becoming a better human comes from me walking in the woods.

He writes, "I have met but one or two persons in the course of my life who understood the art of walking, that is...who had a genius, so to speak for SAUNTERING."

He then goes on to explain that the word saunter derived from the middle ages - people who were wandering on their way to the Holy Land (Sainte Terre) and were thus nick-named "sainte-terrer" or Holy-Lander.

I, indeed, do find walking in the woods a holy activity - Thoreau says that the secret of successful sauntering could also come from the interpretation of "sans terre" meaning "without land" - as in "having no particular home, but [being] equally at home everywhere."

"No wealth can buy the requisite leisure, freedom, and independence which are the capital in this profession [of walking]. It comes only by the grace of God. It requires a direct dispensation from heaven to become a walker."

So - as I head out into the woods today, I will remember how wonderfully holy it is - and reap the capital rewards (not to be confused with the credit card) of this profession. Thanks Henry David - I like your style!

www.paulagamble.com

Why is loving God assumed?

Today I was out at a large missions conference in the Portland area - wow! It was a smorgasbord of amazing topics and seminars - 125 seminars total - how amazing is that? Like walking through a scrumptious buffet line, it would be easy to be overwhelmed by all the great choices. How in the world do you begin to decide what you want to go get a taste of? And - there was a throng of people in attendance - hard to walk from one side of the facility to the other. But would you believe it - out of 125 seminars, there was only 1 (at least from the titles and descriptions I read) on loving God. Why is that? Why is it that we spend so much time and energy talking about how to do ministry and merely assume that loving and being loved by God is happening? I know in my 21 years of ministry, it is assumed wrongly. It seems so much easier to measure "doing" than loving - and thus "doing" is emphasized and taught - it is the typical curriculum at most seminaries and conferences. Doing isn't wrong - but doing can be done in a loving manner, or not. It can sometimes be a clanging cymbal and noisy gong when it has not been done from and in love.
So my heart is a tad saddened today that once again, the emphasis on the 2nd command. I long to see ministry flowing from an overflow of intimacy with Christ...loving and letting ourselves being loved by Him and replicating that love to a loveless world.
Oh Lord, have mercy.

www.paulagamble.com

I said "no" today...

...No to something that I really wanted...No to an opportunity that would have developed my writing in really profound ways...No to remuneration that would have given me a some breathing room financially.

But it was Papa's no. And that means I said "yes" to Him.

Sometimes these life decisions get so complicated. I might not have even been chosen in the first place to be the writer for this project. That would have been someone else saying the "no." In a way, that would have been easier. I would have seen that as God "closing the door." But I needed to close the door. I needed to say no to obey him - whether or not I was chosen.

It is bittersweet - and I hear the enemy's annoying taunts that I'm a quitter or not brave enough to dive into this. I'm not sure how I feel fully about it but my tears are opening a doorway to something core going on deep within. I will pay attention to what He wants to reveal to me about me - the real me. I will let Him purge away the things that obscured my view and keep me bound.

So, I will continue to wait. To trust. I would rather say "yes" to Him by saying "no" to even something that is very good.

www.paulagamble.com

Robin dedicated her latest Christmas novella to moi

My good friend Robin Gunn dedicated her latest Christmas Novella, Engaging Father Christmas, to both me and her agent Janet. I've never had a book dedicated to me - and I am so humbled. About a year ago, Robin let me in on the earlier stages to help her get unstuck. I am amazed at how much work she put in (wrote in essence the equivalent of 4 novels to get just this one novella published!)
Check it out - it is second in the series of Christmas Novellas. The first one is Finding Father Christmas. And check out Robin's haps at www.robingunn.com


www.paulagamble.com

Happy St. Nicholas Day

Every year I celebrate St. Nicholas Day - St. Nick was a real person - born in Turkey and in his later years became a bishop in the church. St. Nick loved kids - and it is said that he hired people to make wooden toys, warm clothes and gingerbread treats that he'd go and hand out.

so - this morning I will make gingerbread men - but the old gingerbread cookie cutters had a bishops mitre (the pointy cap you see) as opposed to the roly-poly gingerbread men we traditionally see here in the states. So actually we're making gingerbread Bishops.

Later on some friends are coming over to decorate the cookies with me - at that time they will receive a stocking with something warm, something wood, something good to eat, and some chocolate gold coins. The gold coins come from a story about St. Nicholas hearing about a man who could not pay the dowry for his daughters wedding, so Nick snuck by at night, threw some gold coins into the house and the legend is they landed in the stockings hanging by the fire to dry.

In honor of St. Nick - it is great to do an anonymous kindness - Nicholas was motivated by the love of God to love others.

Here's is one pic of him:
My friend Beth, who discipled me in Corvallis, used to celebrate St. Nicholas day every year - it is when they gave their Christmas gifts. After St. Nick day, they'd put away the Santa stuff, and concentrate solely on the wonder of Jesus coming as an infant to bring the miracle of God Incarnate to us. Her daughter was asked by a lady at the checkout stand, "So, is Santa going to visit you this year?" And Lissa answered, "St. Nicholas has already visted, and now we are looking forward to celebrating Jesus."

So-I urge you to investigate more about the real St. Nick - a lover of God and others.


Oh - btw - it was Clement C. Moore's famous poem, "Twas the Night before Christmas" (1823) that gave us the first glimpse of the now U.S. version of Saint Nicholas. Then in 1931 - Coca Cola started using St. Nick for advertising with the tagline: "Thirst knows no season." Now, that I would agree with - but more along the lines of thirst for God...




Check out www.stnicholascenter.org for a whole lot more of details and ideas for how to celebrate.

And happy St. Nicholas Day!

Reparadigming Christmas - the Advent Conspiracy

I've been thinking of how my family can focus in on Christ at Christmas...seems the hubbub/pressure of gifts gets in the way. So, again, I've started making some gifts as well as thinking of how I can relate to my family and others in my neighborhood this Christmas.
I encourage you to watch this video and consider how you can re-paradigm your Christmas

3 mph in a 24/7 world

One of our guests at my ministry community's gathering last week shared about his need to slow down: ">The pace of my life is such I don’t have room for anything to go wrong, and when it does, the stress level goes through the roof... I hate that life. I’ve been contemplating the humanity of Jesus, amazed that he walked away from all the people that needed healing and instead, Jesus went away to be with Father. He did both well. Furthermore,he never walked more than 3mph - never borrowed a Roman chariot or horses to go faster. He just went 3mph all around Israel. And it's been said that if you walk more than 3mph, peoples' faces become blurred - I don't want to do that. I want to be present with people the way Jesus was.
How do you help someone fall in love with Jesus? I'm trying to be ruthless in controlling the pace of my life, trying to be a 3 mpg person in a 24/7 world."

yes - good questions and fodder for self-examination. How might I be ruthlessly unhurried (live 3mph in a 24/7 world) today?

www.paulagamble.com

The vow of Stability

I read about the Benedictine monastic vow of stability this week. Yes, the ones who vow this are committed to one piece of geography for the rest of their lives – but the vow is really about internal spiritual space which leads to stability of heart. Nouwen writes of how he wishes he would live: “Wherever I am, in a hotel, in a train, plane, or airport, I would not feel irritated, restless, and desirous of being somewhere else or doing something else. I would know that here and now is what counts and is important because it is God himself who wants me at this time in this place” (Genessee diary). Then this quote by Metropolitan Anthony Bloom, “…if you do not find Him here it is useless to go and search for Him elsewhere because it is not Him who is absent from us, it is we who are absent from Him…” (Seeing God, 65)

In meditating on this I have found it useful to accept this new phase of life with a dog – it sounds so silly and simple when I speak of it – but my “time” with Jesus in abiding looks and feels different now – I sometimes long for the leisure of uninterrupted time, but it is often interrupted. I am receiving this as neither good nor bad and believing that God is present in this newness as I adjust to it. He seems to be giving me more grace than I give myself – which is not uncommon!

There is an essence of "stability" that our entire nation is longing for - even with mantras for "change" it is change so that we can become more stable. In this election I fear much, and yet this vow of stability idea reminds me that regardless of whether (to quote my pastor) "an elephant or donkey is in a house that is white" I must believe that God is everywhere and still God. He is my stability.

Take a listen if you want

Last week (9/13 and 14) my pastor, Jeremy, interviewed me for the sermon. We were talking on "listening" to the Spirit. I love that my church leadership wants to listen to God and follow Him. At any rate, the mp3 is online for listening. Beware, we talk about unhurrying your life. So if you don't have time to listen - you're too busy. Just kidding.

May you hear the Good Shepherd's voice of love and leading.


www.thetablepdx.com


www.paulagamble.com