Showing posts with label paula gamble. Show all posts

Friday, July 01, 2011

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part III

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post. Being Gentle with myself in the Questions - Part I is here.)

What does being gentle with myself even mean?

Accepting my humanness...my struggle...my questions...my contradictions...and to stand in the Presence of God with all that I am – all that I cherish and all that makes me shudder. It is letting my current pain, the newness of this place in my spiritual and soul journey, reveal not only my questions but also my longings beneath the questions. Mostly, my pain reveals my need for God to be my all in all, and for me to abandon to His love and care. This is not a one-time act. It is daily. It is moment by moment. It is currently very tiring for I am not surrendering to the process...but fighting...perhaps like a soon-to-be born afraid to come out of the womb.

Surrender is...

...costly

...rewarding

...messy

...beautiful

...amazing

...miraculous

...painful

...yielding unparalleled joy

As I type, a heavy sigh emerges...my heart is pounding, I can feel it in my chest and my jaw/neck.

I am a stubborn woman, Lord.

This too I bring into Your Presence and ask that You will give me rest –

a settledness that likely won't answer my questions

or even quiet my insecurities,

but where I am free, at home, messy and miraculous,

able to be me without any masks, make-up, illusions etc.

Here am I, just as I am...

today with fear and hope...

wondering how in the world those two things can co-exist,

but they do because of Your kindnesses toward my heart and life.

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If you are asking ultimate life questions - trying to “figure life out” - or ready to consider some of these deeper longings of your soul, please consider journeying with a soul friend – a trained spiritual director. Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice in the church – where you companion with a person who journeys alongside and lends you courage to pay attention to all that your life – your true life – is voicing and longing to voice and contribute to a world in need. A Spiritual Director does not direct or coach your life – but (s)he will help you overhear the nuances of your own soul in tandem with the True Director, the Holy Spirit. For more info or questions on how to find a Spiritual Director and/or ask what Spiritual Direction is all about, click here or on the links below.

creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part II

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post. Being Gentle with myself in the Questions - Part I is here.)

I have so many contradictions:

I want to be wanted...I fear to be wanted.
I want to be useful...I don't want to have others' unrealistic expectations imposed upon me.
I love and thrive to be alone...I ache in being alone ...

Is this normal?

How can I invite others to deep places of these painful questions and contradictions, with an invitation also, to surrender even in the midst of unsatisfactory answers? I know the discomforts of living by faith with a nebulous, Mysterious Lover. The heights and depths and widths of His Love both surpass my understanding and whet my appetite for the more. But "the more" is daunting, and my doubts ebb and flow as constant and rhythmic as the tides. When the tide is low, so much in my life and soul feels exposed, stranded, stuck.

Breathe. I must remember to breathe.

I hear an echo of voices past and present urging me to be gentle with myself. I cannot hear this enough, It is easy to dispense similar advice to others, but honestly, I struggle to know what it looks like in my day to day life and calling. It makes me wonder if the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23) – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control – is as much a gift toward myself as it is toward others? In other words, how can I be gentle with my neighbor if a) I have not experienced God's gentleness and b) I have not been gentle with myself? Without these primary experiences, any gentleness I show to others is contrived and likely manipulative – existing only to portray my spirituality, not embody it.

How are you able to be gentle with yourself?
Or how have you experienced the gentleness of God?
What difference might it make to be more gentle with yourself?
Which area of your life do you struggle most (i.e. have high expectations of yourself) in being gentle?
What does your heart want to pray?

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Monday, June 27, 2011

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part I

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post)

So, what are my questions?

What is the “it” that I'm trying to figure out? What am I asking and hoping that if I do get an answer, will render my life more peaceful, meaningful, fulfilling, restful and in sync with God?

Honestly, at least currently, much of my struggles, doubts and insecurities stem from my “aloneness.” But indeed, it is the greatest paradox of my life. I love to be alone – to create alone – to enjoy stillness and solitude and quiet... I'm energized deeply by a leisurely, quiet morning in front of a fire reading, or gardening, reflecting, meditating, praying, sauntering. Typically, I do these best alone. I am the one who can't wait to go to a cabin in the woods/at the coast/in the gorge for a week by myself (with my dog and cat, of course.)

Though I have a preference for aloneness, I know I need community. I also have friends and communities with whom I intentionally share my life and even my struggles. Sometimes they are life-giving. At other times, the innate human temptation to “fix” one another predominates and I walk away even more discouraged. As a self-proclaimed selfish, finite, fumbling human I don't need a pep talk any more than a smoker needs to be told that smoking is not good for your health. I have a love/hate relationship with my communities, and as an extreme introvert who prefers monk-ish rhythms and thinks homesteading in simplicity on Walden pond, like Thoreau, would be idyllic, I struggle to be gentle with myself in giving me the space I need and finding the balance between alone/together so as to gift myself with what is appropriate for my sanity.

I know this about me...I need space to be alone. I cannot offer any "presence" to others unless I've regenerated in these abundant spaces - and for me, it seems to take a whole lot more than for others. And/or, I've been daring enough to re-align my life, live more simply, in order to take the space I need so I can be present and loving to God, self and others. In the midst there is a costly, beautiful ache in the aloneness. He has called me to be near...and I have devoted my life to be close to the Lord (Jer. 30:21) Regardless, beneath the aloneness I am not so much lonely as much as I wonder, “Am I desirable? Do I have value and beauty regardless of my capabilities? Am I wanted for more than what I have to offer? Can I be the monk-ish me in the midst of a world that feverishly pursues so much vanity?”

The world (nor the church) is set up well for those of us with contemplative monk-ish hearts. Oh to be gentle with myself and with the church...I'm not so good at either.

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Friday, June 24, 2011

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART III

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post - Living the questions - Part I is here.)

Only God can meet my haunting questions satisfactorily. I don't think He necessarily answers the question, but he promises to be with me – and that is [or at least was originally intended to be] enough.

The Lord is my Shepherd – I shall not want (ps. 23:1).

Oh to be so content and trusting that my every unanswered question dissipates in His Presence...that I don't need to know because His Presence that goes with me also gives me rest (a settledness/at-home-ness in His Presence) Ex 33

In Spiritual Direction with a compassionate listener, she, in her silent, attentive presence with me, gives me courage to be comfortable with unknowing. A good Spiritual Director, like a good river guide, has journeyed into the territory of the rough waters of the soul. She is engaged in the practice of encountering giant boulders of pain, swirling currents of questions and undertows of desire. She is one who is herself living the questions, surrendering to the heights, depths and widths of God's love that surpass her understanding (Eph. 3: 18-21).

The journey requires unknowing...a trustful surrendering of what I think I know to be true...this cannot be done in a nice, half-hour morning devotional where I extrapolate principles for bettering my life (behavior, attitudes, etc). For most North Americans bred on dualistic reasoning, linear thinking and with the internet at our disposal to gorge our brains with information – we think knowledge/info and "googling it" is power (perhaps even our means to 'salvation'). We believe answers will relieve our suffering. We are rarely invited to a journey of unknowing. Yet the One who is Mystery...well, He gently beckons...not to impart knowledge, but to be with.

Nouwen writes:
“Teachers can only teach when there are students who want to learn. Spiritual Directors can direct only when there are seekers who come with a question. Without a question, an answer is experienced as manipulation or control. Without a struggle, the help offered is considered interference. And without the desire to learn, direction is easily felt as oppression” (8).

Do you have vexing questions? Are you weary of living in a pathological busyness that is sucking love and life out of your days?

Again, Nouwen offers the value of spiritual companionship and guidance: “Spiritual guidance affirms the basic quest for meaning. It calls for the creation of space in which the validity of the questions does not depend on the availability of answers but on the questions' capacity to open us up to new perspectives and horizons” (9).

Oh how I long for people to experience relief – to companion others into the rough and glorious waters of the soul. reFresh was born out of this longing to created unhurried space for the soul. But just as not everyone will desire to go on a wild, white water rapid adventure for fear of being flipped out of the boat...not many desire to go into unchartered waters and canyons and rapids of the soul...where breathtaking, life-altering views and experiences lay waiting. I long for reFresh to be a place where people can ask the questions, to live the questions with God and one another, to let the questions (and God) open us to new perspectives and horizons.

Anyone interested and want to join me?

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART II

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post - Living the questions - Part I is here.)

“Once pain or confusion is framed or articulated by a question, it must be lived rather than answered...The first task of seeking [spiritual] guidance then is to touch your own struggles, doubts and insecurities – in short to affirm your life as a quest. Your life, my life, is given graciously by God. Our lives are not problems to be solved but journeys to be taken with Jesus as our friend and finest guide.” (Henri Nouwen, in Spiritual Direction, 6).

Picture an iceberg...on the surface is what we know. Beneath is a mass of unknown. What presents as our compulsions (often in response to our pain/woundings), really, if we take time to pay attention, is an invitation to our deeper questions below the surface. But beneath (or perhaps within) our questions lies our longings...our soul, mind, body, heart yearnings, crying out for authentic and meaningful loving and living. Our compulsions mask our pain. Our pain leads to deeper questions – and our questions, sometimes disguised as dissatisfactions – always lead to our longings.When we let them lead us to our longings, they are Holy.

And my/your longing is the truest thing about me/you – whether we are conscious of it or not. It is a compulsory force for all we think, say, and do.

No doubt, these “ultimate life questions” are potentially charged with the type of glorious profundity that will sully life as usual. Life may still “look” mundane and perhaps even like a struggle, but everyday moments will be, as Gerald Manley Hopkins penned, be “charged with the grandeur of God.” Ordinary becomes extraordinary because we dare to live our questions and listen for His answers. People who face death and battle diseases know this...in the midst of the deeper questions many petty concerns and pursuits seem frivolous.

When we do dare to dig deeper and we have a taste that there is INDEED more – when we realize and embrace that ultimately our longing to be loved and significant is only met in the lavish embrace of God – our compulsions to attain enough affection, approval and security/control, dissipate. We no longer need to frenetically chase the "oh look that's shiny" shadows of reality. We are enough; Life is enough; Because He is enough. The pathway to “enoughness” seems to be by paying attention to our wounds, our questions and the deepest longings these reveal. Yes, even the longings which often feel threatening, out-of-control, untidy and “improper” for “nice” Christian people.

I wonder if that is why there is a pathological addiction to busyness in our culture.

If I stay busy, my life “looks” of value, for “busyness” is a modern day status symbol of success AND I can avoid the deeper longings that are often unpredictable and seem irresponsible. I can secure (aka manipulate) the affection I need, the approval I need, the control/security I need to feel good about myself. Busyness lends me the convenience of bypassing the pain so as to also ignore the underlying questions. But if I continue doing so, my life will continue “spinning” in the dreaded rut – where I do the same behaviors over and over expecting a fresh and effortless outcome (i.e. like losing weight without limiting my intake of food or exercising...)

I will never arrive at my soul's deepest longings – and the place where true, abundant and meaningful living emerges - without facing my pain and living my questions.

Here is God's invitation (in the context of bringing our thirsts to his living waters Is. 55:1-8):

“Pay attention, come to Me, and listen that your soul might live.” (Is. 55:3)

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Monday, June 20, 2011

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART I

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post)

Spiritual writer Henri Nouwen, in his book Spiritual Direction, poses that people often go for spiritual guidance when they are unable to evade an “ultimate life question” which vexatiously festers around the corners of their lives. Some of those questions resemble these:

What is truth?
I'm so tired of being tired - isn't there more?
What do I do with my loneliness? My giftedness?
Can I be forgiven for _________?
Will I ever be truly loved? Am I loveable? Desirable? Wanted?
Why am I stuck in a cyclical striving for approval, affection and the need to control but never feeling I gain enough of any of these things?
How can I overcome my addictions, shame, lust, inadequacies, sense of failure, embarrassments, etc?
Where is God in all “this” suffering (pain, unclarity, confusion, loss etc)?
What is my purpose on this planet? Will I ever accomplish anything meaningful?

Where do you turn when you have some of these “ultimate” life questions?

I often don't “see” these questions on the surface of my life. The busyness of life can push most of them to the back burner. But they, nonetheless, commonly lurk beneath the dark surfaces of my conscious or subconscious pain and woundings. Sometimes it is easier to avoid and/or garner pity for the pain than to take a look at it and the deeper questions being revealed underneath. These questions are rarely gentle...they are more haunting...I think that is because some deep part of my soul is crying out to be truly freed to live fiercely and freely. But the doubts feel threatening...will they expose me as a fraud? a failure? a freak?

It is easy to see doubt (i.e. my questions) as the opposite of faith – where really, thinking I am certain of my own ability to answer/validate my life (and/or to avoid the questions while making up my own fictitious estimation of validation) is the opposite of faith.

Really our restless questions ARE the essence of our faith...will we turn to the Creator or culture for answers?

Consider slowing long enough to sit with some of your “pain” - underneath are your “ultimate life questions.” What are they?
Now consider paying attention to the core, soulish part of you – where God, your Lover and Maker reside, and ask, “Lord, what are the longings beneath my questions? What is my soul crying out for?” (just listen...do not journal during this time, be attentive to body, soul, mind...)
After 10 minutes of silence...journal your experience. What did this time reveal to you about God? About yourself? How do you feel about it?

No doubt, these questions are daunting to face alone. It is no wonder that few actually take the time to journey to these deeper places...I long to companion those who long to intentionally face and live their questions...I should not be surprised that so few are "signing up" to do so. This is NOT easy. But neither is getting your body in shape to climb Mt. Hood.

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If you are asking ultimate life questions - trying to “figure life out” - or ready to consider some of these deeper longings of your soul, please consider journeying with a soul friend – a trained spiritual director. Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice in the church – where you companion with a person who journeys with you and lends you courage to pay attention to all that your life – your true life – is voicing and longing to voice and contribute to a world in need. A Spiritual Director does not direct your life – but (s)he will help you overhear the nuances of your own soul in tandem with the True Director, the Holy Spirit. For more info or questions, click here or on the links below.

creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Friday, November 26, 2010

While you're out shopping today...consider continuing to give thanks

This is a reposting of Darrne Hardy's article found in entirety here... consider taking his challenge at the end of the article

To Be Great, Be Grateful

Did you know your brain is NOT designed to make you happy? I know this might be alarming to you, but brain has only one primary responsibility—to keep you alive. Thus your brain is constantly on the lookout for danger and attack warnings. Your brain is programmed specifically to seek out the negative...

...This is where the power of gratitude comes in. If you want to direct your life in a positive direction, you have to redirect your mind towards abundance and what’s positive by forcing it to focus it on what you are grateful for.

If you want to become great, you have to focus on being grateful. You can change any situation in your life by simply redirecting your mind to focus on what’s right about it versus what is wrong.

I have a Thanksgiving Challenge for you.

Of the many insights shared in The Compound Effect, one repeatedly I am told has made a profound difference is the story of the Thanksgiving Journal (read the excerpt below). My challenge to you is to think of an area of your life you are having difficulty in and want to improve. For the next 21 days, take three minutes at the end of the day and write down what about that problematic situation you appreciate, what’s good and what you’re grateful for. This could be a confrontational co-worker at the office, your job as a whole or your troubled marriage… anything or anyone that frustrates or negatively affects you.

I promise you, when you change how you look at a situation, the situation changes.

Who is up for this simple challenge? Come on, reading this blog won’t help you. As Johann Von Goethe said, “Knowing is not enough; we must apply.” Ideas without implementation are useless. Ideas executed have the power to change the world—particularly your world.

Take the challenge. Not for me, for you. Will you? 3 minutes a day for 21 days.

Excerpt from:
The Compound Effect—Multiplying your Results. One Simple Step at a Time.
Thanksgiving Year-Round
We’re particularly gifted in the finger-pointing department when it comes to our romantic relationships—you know, where the other person is the one who needs to change. Let me explain how something extremely simple, taking less than 5-minutes a day, can literally change your life.
A few years back, a friend of mine was complaining about his wife. From my observation, she was a terrific lady, and he was lucky to have her. I told him as much, but he continued to point out all the ways she was responsible for his unhappiness. That’s when I shared an experience that had literally changed my marriage… and me.
One Thanksgiving, I decided to keep a Thanks Giving journal for my wife. Every day for an entire year I logged at least one thing I appreciated about her—the way she interacted with her friends, how she cared for our dogs, the fresh bed she prepared, a succulent meal she whipped up, or the beautiful way she styled her hair that day—whatever. I looked for the things my wife was doing that touched me, or revealed attributes, characteristics, or qualities I appreciated. I wrote them all down secretly for the entire year. By the end of that year, I’d filled an entire journal.
When I gave it to her the following Thanksgiving, she cried, calling it the best gift she’d ever received. (Even better than the BMW I’d given her for her birthday!) The funny thing was that the person most affected by this gift was me. All that journaling forced me to focus on my wife’s positive aspects. I was consciously looking for all the things she was doing “right.” That heartfelt focus overwhelmed anything I might have otherwise complained about. I fell deeply in love with her all over again (maybe even more than ever, as I was seeing subtleties in her nature and behavior instead of her more obvious qualities). My appreciation, gratitude, and intention to find the best in her was something I held in my heart and eyes each day. This caused me to show up differently in my marriage, which, of course, made her respond differently to me. Soon, I had even more things to write in my Thanks Giving journal! As a result of choosing to take a mere five minutes every day or so to document all the reasons why I was grateful for her, we experienced one of the best years of our marriage, and it’s only gotten better.
After I shared my experience, my friend decided to keep a Thanks Giving journal about his wife. Within the first few months, he completely turned around his marriage. Choosing to look for and focus on his wife’s positive qualities changed his view of her, which changed how he interacted with her. As a result, she made different choices about the way she responded to him. The cycle perpetuated. Or, shall we say, compounded.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Part of clergy burnout is lack of physical health

David Gibson, a religion reporter, shares that religious leaders, whether rabbis, imams, or priests, are suffering dire health consequences. Snippets from the article are below:

"God may have rested on the seventh day, but for a growing number of his ministers, there is more work -- and stress -- than ever, and less chance to unwind. That has led to all sorts of health problems among clergy, from a lack of exercise and a rise in obesity to problems of depression and substance abuse and all the many ills of modern life that pastors spend so much time helping their congregants tackle.

"Indeed, even as the folks in the pews head off to vacations this summer, priests, rabbis, pastors and ministers of all faiths often find themselves looking after those left behind and still in need of spiritual support, or using any down time to catch up on the inevitable backlog of administrative work that always takes second place to the care of souls....

"A national survey in 2001 of more than 2,500 Christian religious leaders conducted by Duke Divinity School showed that 76 percent of Christian clergy were either overweight or obese, 15 percentage points higher than for the general U.S. population. And other research has shown that clergy across all faiths are succumbing to higher rates of obesity, hypertension, diabetes, and other ailments than their congregants.

"But experts also say the solutions have to start at the congregational level.

Congregants can encourage pastors to take time off, and not view everything in the church as the pastor's responsibility. They can also be sure to provide healthy food at church events. But clergy must also learn find time to exercise or relax, even if it means saying no to some requests. Otherwise, they won't be healthy enough to serve their flock later on."

Are you a pastor?

what in the article caught your attention?
Take 5 minutes and ask the Lord, "How does this connect to my story?"

Are you a congregant?

How might you help your pastor have the space to cultivate their own soul care so as to help you cultivate yours?

Click here to read the whole article.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Unhurried Journey Book Suggestions

Soul Custody: Choosing to care for the one and only you by Stephen W. Smith.

This is a great book by Stephen Smith (I also highly recommend his Lazarus Life book as well). Steve and his wife Gwen run The Potter's Inn spiritual formation retreat center in Colorado! I'd love to go there some day - it sounds like our two ministries are simpatico! Soul Custody really is a great guide of how to create more unhurried soul space in your life/world - especially in light of the "violence" with which our souls are often confronted. Smith covers topics like stillness, simplicity, detoxing from stress, caring for your body, community, and removing false identity, among other things. Here's a sample snippet:

"We forfeit our souls every single time we choose to drain ourselves and not replenish ourselves; run on empty rather than stopping and intentionally doing the things that will bring us life; burnout rather than live meaningful, significant, and impactful live that are enjoyable and life-giving to others. We forfeit the life God intended for us when we lower our souls to functioning as machines rather than living as soulish marvels who require more than a quart of oil or a recharging of our batteries" (p. 29).

The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction by Eugene Peterson

In short, I try to read everything Eugene has written. This is probably my favorite book of his - he challenges pastors and ministers (all of us really) to return to the true role of pastor - being "unbusy," "subversive," and "apocalyptic." Here are a few choice quotes:

"...the word busy is the symptom not of commitment but of betrayal. It is not devotion but defection. The adjective busy set as a modifier to pastor should sound to our ears like adulterous to characterize a wife or embezzling to describe a banker. It is an outrageous scandal, a blasphemous affront" (17)

"And so pastors, instead of practicing prayer, which brings people into the presence of God, enter into the practice of Messiah: we will do the work of God for God, fix people up, tell them what to do, conspire in finding the shortcuts by which the long journey to the cross can be bypassed, since we all have such crowded schedules right now" (43).

Yea, I know. He doesn't really pussy-foot around - I think that's why I like him! He is the King of "un-ning" (helping me unlearn, shake-off and re-center my soul and ministry on what is essential!)

The Life You've Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People by John Ortberg

Simple, profound, easy to read John Ortberg. The title originally made me think this was a health/wealth sort of book, but it is far from that. John does a great job of engaging and inviting the reader toward some spiritual disciplines like celebration, slowing, servanthood, confession, secrecy, and developing your own "rule" of life. The chapter on Unhurriedness (being ruthless to be unhurried) is worth the price of the book. And really, as you know by now, his quote re: love and hurry being fundamentally incompatible has sparked an unhurried revolution!

"For many of us the greatest danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them" (82).

Receiving the Day: Christian Practices for opening the gift of time by Dorothy Bass
I read this book quite some time ago, but remember it made a big impact on me beginning to explore my relationship with time and why I was suffering from lack of peace. Receiving is a huge part of the gist of following after Christ (i.e. duh, that is the gist of grace, which is the gist of Christianity.) Bass gives a great historical overview of time, but an invitation toward learning to receive the day, versus get stuck in frenetic "making" of a day. Here's a review by Roberta Bondi - another great historian and follower of Jesus:

"A profoundly useful book. . . . It reminds us forcibly that we are embodied creatures gifted by God with time too precious to fritter or work away. In its recommendations for healing our relationship to time it is often unsettlingly revolutionary, frequently subversive of our secular culture, and always full of Dorothy Bass's honest and generous reflections on her own life. It is a pleasure to recommend it." (Roberta Bondi, author, A Place to Pray: Reflections on the Lord's Prayer and Memories of God)

When the Soul Listens: Finding rest and direction in Contemplative Prayer by Jan Johnson
Do you want to learn how to lean in and listen? Are you hungry for a more intimate relationship with God - longing for Him to restore your heart and soul? As the back cover says, "If prayer has stopped working for you" then read this book!

"I'd been taught many methods of prayer, but most of them involved promoting my agenda. For many years as a Christian, I never sought God just for Himself...[but we resist a silent, agenda-less coming to God] because we're distracted by life's thousand demands and by our habit of filling in empty time slots with entertainment. Our mind flashes from one thing to another, always occupied. A weekly visit to church can't begin to penetrate this busyness. Contemplation reconnects us with God in the midst of this scatteredness" (18-19).

Invitation to Silence and Solitude: Experiencing God's Transforming Presence by Ruth Haley Barton
Read every book of RHB's - they are really good! But start with Silence and Solitude - a gentle, practical invitation to a deeper and more honest life and love relationship with God and self.

"Solitude and silence are the most radical of the spiritual disciplines because they most directly attack the sources of human misery and wrongdoing. To be in solitude is to choose to do nothing. For extensive periods of time. All accomplishment is given up...When we go into solitude and silence we stop making demands on God. It is enough that God is God and we are his" ~Dallas Willard in the introduction, 10-11.

"We are a very busy, word and heady faith tradition. Yet we are desperate to find ways to open ourselves to our God who is, in the end, beyond all our human constructs and human agendas. With all our emphasis on theology and Word, cognition and service - and as important as these are - we are starved for mystery, to know this God as One who is totally Other and to experience reverence in his presence. We are starved for intimacy, to see and feel and know God in the very cells of our being. We are starved for rest, to know God beyond what we can do for him. We are starved for quiet, to hear the sound of sheer silence that is the presence of God himself" (21).

Dangerous Wonder: The Adventure of Childlike Faith by Mike Yaconelli
In a fun, playful and challenging manner, Yaconelli invites us to a more childlike faith full of wonder, risk, doubt, mystery, honesty and passion - Here are two quotes I like:

"The critical issue of Christianity today is dullness. We have lost our astonishment. The Good News is no longer good news, it is okay news. Christianity is no longer life changing, it is life enhancing. Jesus doesn't change people into wide eyed radicals anymore, He changes them into 'nice' people" (23).

"The increasing crescendo of our possessions, the ear-piercing noise of our busyness, and the soul smothering volume of our endless activity drowns out the still, small voice of God" (14).

The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath by Mark Buchanan
This is a great book for any of us wondering how we might incorporate Sabbath practices and a Sabbath attitude into our way too overcrowded and burdened lives. Buchanan is an engaging writer who also adds a "Sabbath liturgy" at the end of each chapter for potential practical integration of rest into your days/weeks.

"A Sabbath heart is restful even in the midst of unrest and upheaval. It is attentive to the presence of God and others even in the welter of much coming and going, rising and falling. It is still and knows God even when mountains fall into the sea" (4).

"In a culture where busyness is fetish and stillness is laziness, rest is sloth. But without rest we miss the rest of God: the rest He invites us to enter in more fully so that we might know Him more deeply" (3).

Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster
Before long in the unhurried journey, you realize that freedom, simplicity, unhurriedness and stillness go hand in hand. This book was given to me by one of my spiritual heroes: Grandma Claudia. She modeled and lived a heart and home of simplicity - incidently, one also of joy, freedom, and love.

"God never guides us into an intolerable scramble of panting feverishness" (quoting Thomas Kelly in Testament of Devotion, 5).

"The joyful paradox in all this is that while simplicity is complex it is also simple. In the final analysis, we are not the ones who have to untangle all the intricacies of our complex world. There are not many things we have to keep in mind - in fact only one: to be attentive to the voice of the true Shepherd. There are not many decisions we have to make - in fact, only one: to seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness. There are not many tasks we have to do - in fact, only one: to obey Him in all things" (184).

Testament of Devotion by Thomas Kelly
This is a Quaker classic - one of my top 5 favorite books on living a centered, fully obedient life with Christ.

[Following the Lord fully] is something wholly different from mild, conventional religion, which, with respectable skirts held back by dainty fingers, anxiously tries to fish the world out of the mudhole of its own selfishness" (27).

"Instead of being the active, hurrying church worker and the anxious, careful planner of shrewd moves toward the good life, we become pliant creatures, less brittle, less obstinately rational...The sooner we stop thinking we are the energetic operators of religion and discover that God is at work as the Aggressor, the Invader, the Initiator, so much sooner do we discover that our task is to call men [and women] to be still and know, listen, hearken in quiet invitation to the subtle promptings of the Divine...well intentioned people are so preoccupied with the clatter of effort to do something for God that they don't hear Him asking that He might do something through them" (70-71).

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron
Not necessarily a "Christian" book - but a book that guides you on an inner spiritual formation journey! Whether you consider yourself an artist or not, working through this book will help you come to discover more of who you were intimately and intricately created to be as well as how to unleash your creativity (in cooking, event planning, artistry, music, writing, crafts, flower arranging etc.) with the world in need of such beauty! Most of this is done by thought provoking, practical exercises designed to help you learn how to listen - to pay attention to what God has put in you that is you!

"The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention...the reward for paying attention is always healing" (63)

In Praise of Slowness: How a worldwide movement is challenging the cult of speed by Carl Honore
I actually just picked this up from the library but already in the first few chapters know I need to have this on my shelf. Honore is doing an amazing job overviewing how we've come to regard time in such a hasty, frenetic manner - he speaks of us suffering from "time-sickness" and "time poverty."

"Time-sickness can also be a symptom of a deeper, existential malaise. In the final stages before burnout, people often speed up to avoid confronting their unhappiness...speed helps us block out the horror and barrenness of the modern world: 'Our period is obsessed with the desire to forget, and it is to fulfill that desire that it gives over to the demon of speed..." (33).

"Some argue that round-the-clock culture can make people feel less hurried by giving them the freedom to work and run errands whenever they want to. That is wishful thinking. Once the boundaries are swept away, competition, greed and fear encourage us to apply the time-is-money principle to every single moment of the day and night" (35).

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard
Perhaps a bit like a more modern day "Walden" adventure - Dillard invites us to open our eyes to the world around us. She speaks that "lovers" can see...but in order to see (and hence be a good lover) it takes intentionality to slow, wait, be patient and observe.

"There are lots of things to see, unwrapped gifts and free surprises. The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand...It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won't stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. it is that simple. What you see is what you get" (22 - in Three by Annie Dillard)

Walden by Henry David Thoreau

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not when I came to die, discover that I had not really lived...I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life..." (82).

What more needs to be said? Linger with Thoreau in this classic if you sense that you want to live life more deliberately.

How to live in Flip Flops by Sandy Gingras
Found this delightfully profound book in my friend Jannine's shop out at the coast. It really is a fun treatise on unhurriedness!

"A life in flip-flops is a cheery life (it's hard to take ourselves seriously when our shoes are making funny noises). It's a slow life (difficult to run in such flappy shoes). It's easy (slide in-slide out) and sunny (wear SPF on every toe). It's a life as casual and silly and colorful and sweet as the designs upon our feet...When we open up our feet to the sun, our lives seem to open up also..." (1-2).

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The lost art of listening

I picked up Eugene Peterson's The Contemplative Pastor again. It is one of those books I return to frequently to help remind me what I am supposed to focus on as one who follows a compassionate and unhurried Christ. Today I'm struck by Peterson's self-pondering, "The question I put to myself is not 'How many people have you spoken to about Christ this week?' but 'How many people have you listened to in Christ this week?'" (21).

Coming from over two decades of vocational ministry and having had to turn in statistics counting the former (speaking to others), but never the latter (listening to others), it makes me wonder:

Why did I never have a seminary class on listening? There is homiletics and hermeneutics, but what about hearing God? Self? Others? (I did learn how to listen and pay attention to culture in my Intercultural Studies degree and I am learning to listen to "self" in my Spiritual Formation classes at Fox!)
Theological debates are always verbose - people trying to prove their reasoning and thus "listening" merely to garner points to disprove, with verbosity, anothers' "faulty" reasoning. What would happen, instead, if we listened more to one anothers' hearts than to their reasoning (and our intent to disprove it) alone?
Jesus never un-welcomed someone for their different theologies (except perhaps the Pharisees) and He was an equal-opportunity listener to those with different genders, economic status, race, nationalities etc. Who do I "instantly" close my ears to because they are different from me?
Why are new disciples trained to be so wordy in prayers, in teaching, in evangelism and in sharing testimonies? How might discipleship programs teach listening to God, self, culture and others in our quiet times, witnessing, prayer and Home Fellowships/Bible Studies?
Why is it that I have been taught that my greatest growth as a disciple depends mostly upon listening to other people's sermons, books, seminars, teachings etc? Who teaches the disciple to listen to God in the daily ordinariness of life in nature, self-reflection, good fiction, strangers,dirty diapers etc?
How can I, like Jesus, join the Father in what He is doing if I do not take time to pay attention to what He is doing? How can I heed His invitations if I cannot hear them? It is far easier to make (and measure) my own plans and ask God to bless them, than to listen to His plans and join Him.
Why do so many need to pay a professional to "listen" to them when it is our job as the body of Christ to do that for one another?
What would change if missions organizations had a column in their weekly statistic gathering for "listening" to others in Christ vs. merely speaking to others about Him?

Listening, I believe, is a greater act of love than speaking. Indeed, some of the most intimate moments of sharing a sunset, holding a baby, making love, require little in the way of spoken words. They require listening and responding and enjoying.

Listening also requires unhurriedness. To be fully present to one another (or even to myself and God) is a rare and wonderful gift! But if I am busy, thinking about what is next on the schedule, I will not listen (nor, consequently, love the other,) well. I am double minded - unstable in all my ways and in what I offer. If I have not cultivated a habit of paying attention to God and my own soul in the quiet times of solitude and silence, I cannot impart the space and energy required to engage in loving others with my ears and heart. People can mince and manipulate words and fake sincerity. You cannot fake being a good listener. It takes time and not a little amount of energy to "hear" beyond what is being said on the surface.

Perhaps that is why in the Old Testament the most often iterated command is: "Hear/Listen."

In the twice daily repeated Jewish Shema (which is, incidentally, the Hebrew word for "hear/listen"), an invitation to Listening and Love are mingled together:

"Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is One.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul mind and strength."

Deut 6:4

How do we become good at listening/loving?

According to Peterson

Practice lingering and unhurriedness - with a friend, child, spouse, pet, stranger, elderly person etc. Another offer suggests slowing to look at one thing a day through a magnifying glass - pay attention, do not rush.
Schedule "margin" in your days so you are not rushing from one thing to the next and thus can linger honestly, sincerely and with focus and enjoyment;
Cultivate a "listening" prayer life: "I can be active and pray; I can work and pray; but I cannot be busy and pray. I cannot be inwardly rushed, distracted and dispersed. In order to pray I have to be paying more attention to God than to what people are saying to me; to God than to my clamoring ego. Usually for that to happen there must be a deliberate withdrawal from the noise of the day, a disciplined detachment from the insatiable self" (20).

Incidentally, the qualities of Love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13 seem suspiciously similar to someone who is a good listener:

⁴Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

www.paulagamble.com

Monday, March 09, 2009

The gospel of confession

"The gospel confession of sin is the most generous, secure, adventurous expression of the human heart. It is the risk that is only taken in the certainty of being acceptable and accepted. It is the full and final expression of that confidence. Only to your lover do you expose your worst. To an amazed world Jesus presents a God who calls for this confession only so that he may reveal himself in a person's depths as his lover. This confession in a context of divine acceptance releases the deepest energies of the human spirit and constitutes the gospel revolution in its essence."

~ Sebastian Moore, The Crucified Jesus is No Stranger, 100.

Who would have thought that confession (agreeing with God about my failures and foibles) would be a stepping stone to God revealing Himself in my innermost spirit as my lover? How opposite from the way the world works.

May we take time today to linger with our shortcomings that we might see His divine acceptance release a gospel revolution first within us - then flowing outward.

www.paulagamble.com

Monday, March 02, 2009

Loving much...looking foolish...

Look at this picture - what do you see and notice?

Then read the story in Luke 7:36-50.

Jesus is at the home of a Pharisee - you know, those ones that are all suave and seemingly put together on the outside, but resemble a white-washed tomb? The ones whose lips ooze pious religious phrases that sound perfect and pedantic, but whose hearts are a million miles away. The Pharisees who did much for show to create and maintain an image more than to bear one.

And in the midst of this dinner - no doubt with the finest food and tableware out to impress Jesus - comes a very unimpressive (except for her conspicuous sinfulness) woman. A woman who, because of her lifestyle and behavior (perhaps even her gender and ethnicity) was a social outcast. For a Pharisee who daily thanked God that he was neither a Gentile nor a woman, this was far outside the bounds of proper social decorum. She interrupts the "boys club," disregards the sneers and gasps of incredulity and proceeds to pour out perfume upon Jesus feet. Without rushing she methodically wipes his feet over and over with her hair and tears, which is a public display of intimate affection from which most of us, even today, would likely avert our eyes.

With a smug and snide demeanor, the host imposes his judgment not only on the woman, but on Jesus for allowing "this kind" of woman to touch him (Luke 7:39). Jesus, proceeds to tell a story about moneylenders and debtors (which in itself is interesting commentary on where the Pharisee's true heart was for in order to connect to the religious Pharisee's heart, Jesus has to use a story about money. Hmmm....)

The gist of the story was that the money lender canceled the debt of two people - one who owed 50 denari and the other who owed 500. "Which do you think will love (agapao) the money lender more?"
(Why in a story about money lenders does Jesus use the word agape?)

The Simon the Pharisee responds, "The one who had the larger debt."

And indeed, Jesus proceeds to point out that this outpouring of affection from this "sinful" woman was precisely because she understood the gravity of her shortcomings and failure, and the generosity of the canceling of her debt of it!

"Simon, do you see this woman?" seems almost comical - of course he sees her. How could you miss her? His persnickety response indicates that he not only sees her, but is outraged at her behavior! But Jesus is asking Simon a deeper question: "Do you see her..." Do you see her as a human being? Do you see the love in her. I want to tell you where that love comes from.

It comes not from following religious rules. It comes not from her station in life, her social poise, nor her choices, her reputation or her spiritual habits and disciplines. Quite simply, the "moral" of the story says that her love for Jesus came because she realized her depravity and the generosity of the One who could forgive. True Agape Love is born out of forgiveness: "S/he who is forgiven little loves little." The implication: "S/he who is forgiven much loves much."

Sometimes I read this story and I wonder - do I demonstrate, even at embarrassing cost to myself, my utter gratitude for the canceling of my sin debt? If not, is it because I don't realize the gravity of my sin by thinking/saying things like, "Well, I haven't murdered anyone" or "I'm not as bad as him." I can so easily justify my sin and avoid grieving how far my heart often is from him. Until I do, I will be placid in my devotion toward Him and others.

I desire and can strive in "religious" type disciplines and traditions to try and become a more loving person. But perhaps, it is less in the striving and more in the reflection of coming before the One who can forgive, letting Him point out and invite me to let Him forgive what I am utterly unable to overcome by my own actions or merit that will breed Love in my heart and deeds.

Again, I think that is part of what Lent is about. Choosing to order my life and free up some space so I can intentionally, with the Compassionate One, reflect upon my sin, my limitations, my failures, my neediness. And to bring them before God all sloppily and soberly. And he sits there and lets me weep on his feet. And forgives me. Not just 2000 years ago on a cross - but today. In this moment. For this moment's need.

And my heart, which is given this "aphiemi" (greek for forgiveness), feels more unbound and set free to love vs. judge. Can't explain it - but I experience it daily and it is beautiful!

www.paulagamble.com

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Daily Lenten Emails from CRM

If you're interested in receiving daily Lent emails from Church Resource Ministries (the parent ministry I'm a part of) go to www.crmleaders.org/lent and sign up anytime between Feb 25 and April 12th.

Peace and Good
~paula

www.paulagamble.com

Avoidance Strategies

In the same way that I do not prefer to "remember" morbid thoughts like my finitude and the atrocious and brutal death of Jesus, I find that the disciples were disconnected whenever Jesus invited them to consider his impending betrayal, beatings and death. They, like me, don't want to dwell on such ugliness. Let's just get to the good part - the resurrection! The disciples did not have the luxury we have of knowing the end of the story.

Look at their avoidance strategies:

Peter's Rebuke of Jesus - (Don't talk like that....)
In Mark 8:31 Jesus begins to tell his disciples about his suffering to come. Mark 8:32 - "As Jesus talked about this openly...Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things." Of course, and in Peter's Jewish mind, the promised Messiah would never suffer (Peter had just declared Jesus as Messiah in Mark 8:29) Jesus' response to Peter, "You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's."

After this is the transfiguration - so how in the world would Peter, James and John ever believe that Jesus would be betrayed, suffer and die? But on the way down the mountain again, Jesus brings it up. They don't know what to do with it. Thankfully, (saved by the crowd in crisis) they encounter an argument and commotion about a man whose son was unable to be healed by the disciples. Jesus heals him and they move on through Galilee. But at least they didn't have to engage with Jesus' suffering. Well, not for long because...

He brings up his suffering again. "They didn't understand...and were afraid to ask what he meant." (Mark 9:32) And in fact, as they walked along they didn't even give a thought to this suffering that Jesus kept bringing up. Instead, they changed the subject and began arguing about who would be the greatest. Again, they are completely disconnected from this impending harsh reality...afraid to ask Jesus in the same way I feel stymied in asking questions to my friends who are suffering. "Let's change the subject...and talk about greatness." Talking about suffering makes me too uncomfortable.

In chapter 10 - they are now on their way to Jerusalem - setting out on Jesus' final "mission" - to be betrayed, suffer and die on a cross. Again he brings up his suffering (Mark 10:32) and again, the two brothers, James and John, completely disregarding Jesus' words about betrayal, death and suffering, come up to Jesus and ask Jesus a favor: to sit on either side of Jesus when he sits on his glorious throne.

Focusing in on Jesus' suffering and death is more important than we know. We can be accused of being morbid for "He is Risen!" But what if we didn't know the end of the story - like the disciples? Most likely we would avoid asking Jesus more about it - we'd change the subject to talk about who would be the greatest, or ask God to do us favors, or even try to focus on more positive aspects of Jesus' life.

But focusing on his death makes me have to focus on the reason he had to die.
Me.
Me and my finitude.
Me and my imperfections.
Me and my hurriedness.
Me and my pride.
Me who would rather avoid thinking about suffering and find a million other ways to anesthetize delving into it.
Me and my propensity to protect and hoard and store up treasure here on earth.
Me who is often rebellious - but in oh so subtle ways.
Me who would rather ask God for favors in order to avoid thinking about Jesus' death.

Oh my dear sisters and brothers - if we do not feel deep sorrow for our sins, we will never fully understand the thoroughness of His liberating forgiveness. Lent is the season that calls us to sit in the fullness of what we'd rather avoid. And, perhaps what we'll discover is this: She who has been forgiven much, loves much - more on that to come.

www.paulagamble.com

Monday, January 12, 2009

I said "no" today...

...No to something that I really wanted...No to an opportunity that would have developed my writing in really profound ways...No to remuneration that would have given me a some breathing room financially.

But it was Papa's no. And that means I said "yes" to Him.

Sometimes these life decisions get so complicated. I might not have even been chosen in the first place to be the writer for this project. That would have been someone else saying the "no." In a way, that would have been easier. I would have seen that as God "closing the door." But I needed to close the door. I needed to say no to obey him - whether or not I was chosen.

It is bittersweet - and I hear the enemy's annoying taunts that I'm a quitter or not brave enough to dive into this. I'm not sure how I feel fully about it but my tears are opening a doorway to something core going on deep within. I will pay attention to what He wants to reveal to me about me - the real me. I will let Him purge away the things that obscured my view and keep me bound.

So, I will continue to wait. To trust. I would rather say "yes" to Him by saying "no" to even something that is very good.

www.paulagamble.com

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

NEW Paula CD - almost here!!!

That's right - I just finished recording 11 songs...and am in the final process of preparing them for distribution. For sound samples go to my website www.paulagamble.com

And please let me know what you think!

Over the next month or so I'll post blogs on the stories/thoughts behind the songs...just in case you're interested.

Blessings & Joy!
~pg

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Monday, June 20, 2011

Friday, November 26, 2010

This is a reposting of Darrne Hardy's article found in entirety here... consider taking his challenge at the end of the article

To Be Great, Be Grateful

Friday, August 27, 2010

Friday, August 13, 2010

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Monday, March 09, 2009

Monday, March 02, 2009

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Monday, January 12, 2009

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

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