For Better or Worse...

"The Parable of the Weeds Among the Wheat"

Artist: Scott Freeman

My team and I are reading a book called, Weeds Among the Wheat by Thomas Green. This morning I read of how times of desolation are like "worse" part of the marriage vow of "for better or worse." Most times, if the partners stay true to the relationship, without trying to get something out of the other, the "worse" makes the "better" better - even with God. Both seasons are necessary gifts to both reveal and strengthen our love.

In the midst of some of my own sense of desolation lately, this gives me courage and hope. There is a refining happening that will not only purify my heart, but also "fuse me" to the love of Jesus Christ. He is not fixing me...he is loving me...and it is strangely miserable and wonderful. Eager to see how this "worse" will make the "better" better.

www.paulagamble.com

Tears create a place of welcome...

"You keep track of all my sorrows;
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book."
~Psalm 56:8

The Tears of the Father

The father in the story of the prodigal son suffered much. He saw his younger son leave, knowing the disappointments, rejections and abuses facing him. He saw his older son become angry and bitter, and was unable to offer him affection and support. A large part of the father's life has been waiting. He could not force his younger son to come home or his older son to let go of his resentments. Only they themselves could take the initiative to return.

During these long years of waiting the father cried many tears and died many deaths. He was emptied out by suffering. But that emptiness had created a place of welcome for his sons when the time of their return came. We are called to become like that father."

Henri Nouwen-Bread for the Journey

+++++

What makes your heart ache? What has brought tears? Could you possibly believe that the One who is acquainted with sorrows and griefs is fully aware and doing a deeper work in you than you can imagine, or even manufacture, for yourself? Today, take hope that any emptying in you will lead to a spacious place of welcome - both for God and others. As Augustine said, "God gives where he finds empty hands."

This desert/Valley of Achor will lead to a door of hope (Hosea 2:14-15)

Oh Lord, help me today to receive

this emptying

with hope that you alone

could turn it into a spacious place -

a place of welcome,

perhaps even celebration.

Gift me, please, with a sense of your nearness

as the Suffering Servant; Suffering Father; Suffering Spirit.

~Amen

www.paulagamble.com

What caught my attention in the woods

Today I started the day off right - out in the woods. Early, quiet, a rich treat for eyes, ears and nose. As the sun was streaming in, it highlighted several spider webs - so amazingly beautiful, delicate and only visible when the sun would "backlight" them. (Hence the constant running into non back-lit webs across the path - not so pleasant!)

Indeed, much of deep soul stuff is lived "unnoticed" and hidden - until a light shines in and illuminates what is there. Without the light, we walking into the annoying webs unaware. With the light, we can appreciate their beauty - and avoid the sticky mess resulting from collision.

May I be content to be hidden unawares,
until God's light shows forth my beauty.

www.paulagamble.com

Reservoir vs. canal

Bernard of Clairvaux said this nearly 1000 years ago...a good word for our century as well:

“If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as a reservoir
than as a canal. For a canal spreads abroad water as it receives it,
but a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing,
and thus communicates, without loss to itself,
its superabundant water.
In the church at the present day (1100s),
we have many canals, few reservoirs.”

(in Richard Foster, Prayer, 168).

When I come to God only because I have a Bible study to teach, worship to lead or a small group I'm expected to participate in and have answers for, God becomes a means to an end, rather than the end. It is so subtle, but it is a way of using God for what I want and need - quite often according to my agenda and my own definitions of what I think is spiritual. Operating this way over time leads to a weary depletion and dissatisfaction. I know...I've lived such a utilitarian spirituality. It works for a while - but there is so much more. I also know because my job now is to help those who are tapped out from living as canals learn to let their souls be filled with Love before loving others. The first command to Love Him must precede the second. Coming to Him simply because you know He delights in being with you is a radically different way to have the proverbial traditional "quiet time" (which ironically is rarely quiet).

Learning to enjoy Him for Him - that is how one becomes a reservoir. Coming to hear what He has to say (vs. me telling Him, "this is what I want, how I want it and when I want it by") or even to say nothing - enjoying a wordless being-together - is the way we deepen both our prayer lives as well as our intimacy with God. It is the only way I can give of myself without loss to myself.


Do you know God beyond what you can do for Him or what He can do for you?

The best posture for such is open handed receptivity. No pretense, no demands. Letting go of any agendas, excuses and expectations - the One who knows you and loves you knows how to meet the deepest and neediest parts of your soul. Let God dictate in love how He wants to deal with you. (Psalm 119:124)

Try this today:

• Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale, say, "Thank you."

• Set a timer for 10 minutes. The purpose isn't to restrict you to 10 minutes, but to allow you the freedom to focus on God vs. wondering, "Is my 10 minutes up?" Do not journal anything during these 10 minutes. And try to not even say anything (verbally or in your head). Whatever happens, sit in the 10 minutes with God - without agenda, without verbal requests or intercessions. Let Him take the lead - even if that lead is silence.

• If you are distracted during that time, use a phrase such as, "Abba I belong to you" to re-center you towards the Lord. If a person comes to mind, you might just say, "God, I lift him/her to you. You know his/her needs" and return to refocusing on God.

• After the 10 minutes A) Take a few more minutes to journal what happened in that time. Were you distracted? Did the time seem long or short? Did you want to continue beyond the alarm? Did you sense God saying anything to you? Did God make you aware of anything about Himself or yourself? B) Journal how you felt about your interaction with God (e.g. How did you feel about sitting with God without an agenda or prayer requests?) How did this time open your heart to trust His love?

• During this time avoid making principled statements about God or yourself (e.g. God wants all Christians to...) Instead, pay attention to what He is inviting you toward.

• Close by taking a couple more deep breaths and again saying "Thank you."
  

I'd love to hear how it goes for and I'd highly suggest you grab a buddy or two to covenant together to do and discuss these 10 minute listening exercises. Help each other delve into listening more and talking less - discus how God is using the times to open your heart toward His love.

If you want to delve into some of Bernard of Clairvaux's writings on love click here. (They can be a bit dense, but they are classic.)

www.paulagamble.com

Starved for Mystery...intimacy...rest...quiet...

"We are a very busy, wordy and heady faith tradition.
Yet we are desperate to find ways
to open ourselves to our God
who is, in the end,
beyond all of our human constructs and human agendas.
With all of our emphasis on theology and Word, cognition and service
- and as important as these are -
we are starved for mystery,
to know this God as the One who is totally Other
and to experience reverence in his presence.
We are starved for intimacy,
to see and feel and know God in the very cells of our being.
We are starved for rest,
to know God beyond what we can do for him.
We are starved for quiet,
to hear the sound of sheer silence that is the presence of God himself."

(Ruth Haley Barton, Invitation to Solitude and Silence, 21)

Sit quietly with the Lord today and ask him, "Lord, what am I most starved for?" Listen for His invitations toward himself and his love.

www.paulagamble.com

Backsliding or invitation to more?

I just spent the past 10 days with a whole lot of really great people - people who have invested their lives in vocational ministry as church planters, campus ministers, and lovers of God and people. But I also had a half dozen conversations with these seasoned folks who felt like God had "disappeared" from them. In an effort to try to get God to come closer each person described how he/she prayed more, memorized more scripture and even fasted. None of these are bad things, but I was saddened that these dear people were trying to lure God out of hiding with their righteous deeds.

As I listened to this over and over again, I was able to share with them a larger vision of spiritual maturity - our goal is not to merely be organized, efficient and dutiful disciples; Our goal is to be lovers - letting ourselves be loved by Him and letting that well up and out toward others. (Think first and second greatest commands - all about love). Many of the great saints that have preceded us (Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Bernard of Clairvaux) actually speak of this awkward latter season of faith. It is a time where there is a deep inward draw toward intimacy with God, but also sometimes a seeming absence of Him. Thomas Dubay, a modern day Jesuit, has said that some of greatest spiritual growth is often discerned as backsliding. And indeed, these people felt like they were backsliding and had to come up with a horrendous self-effort to get back into God's graces.

Does that strike anyone else as odd? (This working really hard to get into God's graces which are unearned and generous gifts?)

Our longing for more is the best thing about us - perhaps the most sure thing about us. It is God drawing us into greater heights, depths, widths and breadths of His love that surpasses our understanding. This is the most wondrously precarious journey of faith we can be on.

Take courage friends - God is with us always, a neighbor to your fears and longings and unafraid.

www.paulagamble.com

Video of Budapest skyline from Buda castle

In Hindsight it's Good Friday

Here is a link to a previous reflection on Good Friday that I wrote 3 years ago.


In Hindsight, It's Good Friday


www.paulagamble.com

9 months til Christmas!

I know, I know, you're thinking that we're in Lent - we're going to celebrate Easter in a few weeks, why are you talking about Christmas? Because today is 9 months before Dec 25th - traditionally the day celebrating the Annunciation of the angel Gabriel telling Mary she would conceive as a virgin the Son of the Most High!

Whoa - I cannot even fathom this!

9 months - that's a lot of waiting! And a lot happened in those 9 months - imagine Mary telling her parents that an angel came to her and told her she'd carry God's son. Probably a 6 month trip to visit her cousin Elizabeth was a good idea - to get her away from the supercilious smiles and gossip. How did she endure in faith while also dealing with the scandal of her pregnancy? I admit at Christmas, I don't often ponder her 9 month ordeal!

Furthermore, her betrothed wanted a quiet divorce - and it's likely a few in Nazareth probably suggested stoning her for her supposed improprieties. In these 9 months, Joseph also has a dream - and also follows in faith - coming to accept and care for Mary and the baby. How many thought him a fool?

I am astonished at Mary's faith and perseverance to say "yes" to God - yes to this "way outside of the box" assignment - how could it be?

So often Christmas "sneaks up on us" - for Mary, it was 9 months of waiting and pondering and moving ahead despite the obstacles that stood before her.

God's invitation to Mary is so radical, amazingly scandalous, and required great faith. Sometimes I long for a similar faith - and yet I wince at the "cost" of following when it seems so outside of the box.

May we be like Mary today regarding any of our challenging circumstances or waiting on the Lord:

"Behold, I am a servant of the Lord, may it be to me according to your word."

If you'd like to contemplate this more, there's a great 12 minute prayer/spiritual exercise on this today at www.pray-as-you-go.org - take a listen...


www.paulagamble.com

The gospel of confession

"The gospel confession of sin is the most generous, secure, adventurous expression of the human heart. It is the risk that is only taken in the certainty of being acceptable and accepted. It is the full and final expression of that confidence. Only to your lover do you expose your worst. To an amazed world Jesus presents a God who calls for this confession only so that he may reveal himself in a person's depths as his lover. This confession in a context of divine acceptance releases the deepest energies of the human spirit and constitutes the gospel revolution in its essence."

~ Sebastian Moore, The Crucified Jesus is No Stranger, 100.

Who would have thought that confession (agreeing with God about my failures and foibles) would be a stepping stone to God revealing Himself in my innermost spirit as my lover? How opposite from the way the world works.

May we take time today to linger with our shortcomings that we might see His divine acceptance release a gospel revolution first within us - then flowing outward.

www.paulagamble.com

Loving much...looking foolish...

Look at this picture - what do you see and notice?

Then read the story in Luke 7:36-50.



Jesus is at the home of a Pharisee - you know, those ones that are all suave and seemingly put together on the outside, but resemble a white-washed tomb? The ones whose lips ooze pious religious phrases that sound perfect and pedantic, but whose hearts are a million miles away. The Pharisees who did much for show to create and maintain an image more than to bear one.

And in the midst of this dinner - no doubt with the finest food and tableware out to impress Jesus - comes a very unimpressive (except for her conspicuous sinfulness) woman. A woman who, because of her lifestyle and behavior (perhaps even her gender and ethnicity) was a social outcast. For a Pharisee who daily thanked God that he was neither a Gentile nor a woman, this was far outside the bounds of proper social decorum. She interrupts the "boys club," disregards the sneers and gasps of incredulity and proceeds to pour out perfume upon Jesus feet. Without rushing she methodically wipes his feet over and over with her hair and tears, which is a public display of intimate affection from which most of us, even today, would likely avert our eyes.

With a smug and snide demeanor, the host imposes his judgment not only on the woman, but on Jesus for allowing "this kind" of woman to touch him (Luke 7:39). Jesus, proceeds to tell a story about moneylenders and debtors (which in itself is interesting commentary on where the Pharisee's true heart was for in order to connect to the religious Pharisee's heart, Jesus has to use a story about money. Hmmm....)

The gist of the story was that the money lender canceled the debt of two people - one who owed 50 denari and the other who owed 500. "Which do you think will love (agapao) the money lender more?"
(Why in a story about money lenders does Jesus use the word agape?)

The Simon the Pharisee responds, "The one who had the larger debt."

And indeed, Jesus proceeds to point out that this outpouring of affection from this "sinful" woman was precisely because she understood the gravity of her shortcomings and failure, and the generosity of the canceling of her debt of it!

"Simon, do you see this woman?" seems almost comical - of course he sees her. How could you miss her? His persnickety response indicates that he not only sees her, but is outraged at her behavior! But Jesus is asking Simon a deeper question: "Do you see her..." Do you see her as a human being? Do you see the love in her. I want to tell you where that love comes from.

It comes not from following religious rules. It comes not from her station in life, her social poise, nor her choices, her reputation or her spiritual habits and disciplines. Quite simply, the "moral" of the story says that her love for Jesus came because she realized her depravity and the generosity of the One who could forgive. True Agape Love is born out of forgiveness: "S/he who is forgiven little loves little." The implication: "S/he who is forgiven much loves much."

Sometimes I read this story and I wonder - do I demonstrate, even at embarrassing cost to myself, my utter gratitude for the canceling of my sin debt? If not, is it because I don't realize the gravity of my sin by thinking/saying things like, "Well, I haven't murdered anyone" or "I'm not as bad as him." I can so easily justify my sin and avoid grieving how far my heart often is from him. Until I do, I will be placid in my devotion toward Him and others.

I desire and can strive in "religious" type disciplines and traditions to try and become a more loving person. But perhaps, it is less in the striving and more in the reflection of coming before the One who can forgive, letting Him point out and invite me to let Him forgive what I am utterly unable to overcome by my own actions or merit that will breed Love in my heart and deeds.

Again, I think that is part of what Lent is about. Choosing to order my life and free up some space so I can intentionally, with the Compassionate One, reflect upon my sin, my limitations, my failures, my neediness. And to bring them before God all sloppily and soberly. And he sits there and lets me weep on his feet. And forgives me. Not just 2000 years ago on a cross - but today. In this moment. For this moment's need.

And my heart, which is given this "aphiemi" (greek for forgiveness), feels more unbound and set free to love vs. judge. Can't explain it - but I experience it daily and it is beautiful!

www.paulagamble.com

Daily Lenten Emails from CRM

If you're interested in receiving daily Lent emails from Church Resource Ministries (the parent ministry I'm a part of) go to www.crmleaders.org/lent and sign up anytime between Feb 25 and April 12th.

Peace and Good
~paula

www.paulagamble.com

Avoidance Strategies

In the same way that I do not prefer to "remember" morbid thoughts like my finitude and the atrocious and brutal death of Jesus, I find that the disciples were disconnected whenever Jesus invited them to consider his impending betrayal, beatings and death. They, like me, don't want to dwell on such ugliness. Let's just get to the good part - the resurrection! The disciples did not have the luxury we have of knowing the end of the story.

Look at their avoidance strategies:

Peter's Rebuke of Jesus - (Don't talk like that....)
In Mark 8:31 Jesus begins to tell his disciples about his suffering to come. Mark 8:32 - "As Jesus talked about this openly...Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things." Of course, and in Peter's Jewish mind, the promised Messiah would never suffer (Peter had just declared Jesus as Messiah in Mark 8:29) Jesus' response to Peter, "You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's."

After this is the transfiguration - so how in the world would Peter, James and John ever believe that Jesus would be betrayed, suffer and die? But on the way down the mountain again, Jesus brings it up. They don't know what to do with it. Thankfully, (saved by the crowd in crisis) they encounter an argument and commotion about a man whose son was unable to be healed by the disciples. Jesus heals him and they move on through Galilee. But at least they didn't have to engage with Jesus' suffering. Well, not for long because...

He brings up his suffering again. "They didn't understand...and were afraid to ask what he meant." (Mark 9:32) And in fact, as they walked along they didn't even give a thought to this suffering that Jesus kept bringing up. Instead, they changed the subject and began arguing about who would be the greatest. Again, they are completely disconnected from this impending harsh reality...afraid to ask Jesus in the same way I feel stymied in asking questions to my friends who are suffering. "Let's change the subject...and talk about greatness." Talking about suffering makes me too uncomfortable.

In chapter 10 - they are now on their way to Jerusalem - setting out on Jesus' final "mission" - to be betrayed, suffer and die on a cross. Again he brings up his suffering (Mark 10:32) and again, the two brothers, James and John, completely disregarding Jesus' words about betrayal, death and suffering, come up to Jesus and ask Jesus a favor: to sit on either side of Jesus when he sits on his glorious throne.

Focusing in on Jesus' suffering and death is more important than we know. We can be accused of being morbid for "He is Risen!" But what if we didn't know the end of the story - like the disciples? Most likely we would avoid asking Jesus more about it - we'd change the subject to talk about who would be the greatest, or ask God to do us favors, or even try to focus on more positive aspects of Jesus' life.

But focusing on his death makes me have to focus on the reason he had to die.
Me.
Me and my finitude.
Me and my imperfections.
Me and my hurriedness.
Me and my pride.
Me who would rather avoid thinking about suffering and find a million other ways to anesthetize delving into it.
Me and my propensity to protect and hoard and store up treasure here on earth.
Me who is often rebellious - but in oh so subtle ways.
Me who would rather ask God for favors in order to avoid thinking about Jesus' death.

Oh my dear sisters and brothers - if we do not feel deep sorrow for our sins, we will never fully understand the thoroughness of His liberating forgiveness. Lent is the season that calls us to sit in the fullness of what we'd rather avoid. And, perhaps what we'll discover is this: She who has been forgiven much, loves much - more on that to come.

www.paulagamble.com

Ash Wednesday - an invitation to embrace our finitude

You'd think that growing up in the Episcopal church I would have understood Ash Wednesday by now. I am coming to appreciate what went unnoticed then. As Father Tony said on Wednesday night in his homily, Ash Wednesday is an invitation to remind us of our "creatureliness."

Put another way - we are invited to "embrace our finitude."
We have limited capacity,
we are imperfect,
we cannot do it all.

Maybe I understand this better now because I am in "mid-life" and realize my finitude and creatureliness now more than ever. And the crazy thing is that I was irritable much of this week because of this very finitude that I am now being invited to embrace. Irritable because I couldn't do it all, and others and myself were expecting me to do it all. How freeing to embrace my limited capacity today, to slow, linger, take deeper breaths and be okay with not finishing my to-do list that was completely unrealistic in the first place.

Walter Wangerin Junior, in his brilliant Lenten devotional echoes this sentiment of Lent calling us to remember our finiteness and death. He writes, "That sounds old in a modern ear, doesn't it? Fusty, irrelevant, and positively medieval! Why should I think about death [and my finiteness and limitations] when all the world cries out 'Life' and 'Live' [and you can do it all!]...didn't Jesus promise an abundant life?" (22). We don't want to be bothered by such "morbidity."

There is an excellent meditative prayer exercise at metamorpha.com on this very topic of embracing our finitude. (That's where I stole the phrase from). Here is the meditation, in part, below:

Spend 20 minutes acknowledging your finite nature.

• God has created me with limitations.

  • I cannot grant everyone’s wishes.

  • I will have to depend upon others to accomplish certain tasks.

  • I have limited knowledge and am prone to forget things that I have learned.

  • I will frequently not accomplish all the goals I have set before myself in a day, week, year, etc.?

• What is my reaction to experiencing my limitations?

  • Do I attempt to make a new plan to ensure I will prevail?

  • Do I attempt to move on to something else that I know I can succeed at?

  • Do I fabricate an answer to a question in order to maintain the appearance that I am all-knowing?

  • Do I simply give up?

• What is the driving emotion behind these reactions?

  • Do I experience deep anger, fear or sadness when I am faced with my limitations?

So perhaps you can join me over this season - acknowledge your inability to do it all and live in the freedom that brings.

Peace and good to you

www.paulagamble.com

A fresh attempt at lingering - I bought a dining table

I bought a dining table yesterday - for 13 years in my condo I've only sat at the kitchen counter to eat meals. The same counter where I sort piles of mail, and laundry and groceries. It is the largest flat surface in my house so it typically has some sort of "mess" on it - mosaics, bills, ingredients for my next meal etc. It is far too often a stopping ground for all the things I'll get to "soon." So, when (if) I "sit" to eat, it has been typically on a stool and looking at whatever the current piles of papers or groceries or things to do is. Not very relaxing.


So in an effort to be more intentional in lingering at mealtimes (as opposed to my typical routine of spending 20-30 minutes creating an amazing dinner and taking 5 minutes - sometimes even still standing - to wolf it down), I splurged. I went to the mecca of good, reasonably priced furniture, Ikea, and bought a table where no other messes will be allowed to gather. One where already I have felt the normal temptations to keep going at a breakneck speed and multitask during mealtimes, halted. I can look out my windows at the birds. I can relax and be fully present to every taste and texture. I never thought a dining table would help me cultivate a more worshipful attitude in my day. Go figure - the holiness of the ordinary.

www.paulagamble.com

Practicing the art of lingering

It's a snow day - and it completely renders my desire to do any work as unpalatable. So, I decided that today I would practice sauntering, lingering and frolicking. There is an edge of "guilt" to this - sometimes a fuzzy line between my lingering and laziness. Perhaps on this quest to become proficient as a "lingerer" I will have to unlearn the cultural admonitions regarding always working hard (and constant) to produce, amass, and feel accomplished. Who defines that anyway? So an unguilting needs to take place - I imagine it will come with practice.

Being a lingerer in a world full of bustling festinaters feels awkward - there is both internal and external friction to lingering - a contrariety between what is considered and expected as the "norm" of our work days and what we were originally created for. I bet Adam and Eve did a lot of sauntering, lingering and frolicking with God in the garden. Introduce sin - introduce guilt and blaming and hiding and rushing and agitation.

I imagine heaven being a place of sauntering, lingering and frolicking - that's why it feels so pertinent to practice it here. How can I integrate these three verbs into this day? Perhaps it's just as easy as choosing a "guilt-free" half hour on my schedule dedicated to nothing in particular except that which presents itself. Start by sauntering, which often leads to lingering, which often leads to a heart-full frolic (which in Latin (or old German?) means to rejoice/exult!) And one should never feel guilty doing something that leads to rejoicing right?

If Sauntering and Lingering and Frolicking lead to rejoicing - and we are to "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice" - then natural reverse logic says, "Saunter in the Lord always, and again I say saunter. Linger in the Lord always, and again I say linger. Frolic in the Lord always and again I say, frolic."

I know - probably too much liberty with that Biblical admonition. But how often I hear people say, "How am I supposed to choose joy? Do I just recite happy Bible verse until they sink in?" Well - perhaps. But what if rejoicing had little to do with words, indeed, what if rejoicing happens wordlessly as we saunter, linger, admire (Latin ad = near or towards; mirari = to wonder) and respond with a capriolic frolic.

Finding it hard to rejoice?
Slow down to a saunter.
Lean into linger.
Find time to frolic -
and somewhere along the way, you will find yourself rejoicing!

Three Verbs I want more of in my life...

Sauntering - Lingering - Frolicking. None of these seem to coincide with North American modernity which most people complain of but never do anything about. I even found out that June 19th is world Sauntering day - how cool is that? I can't wait! But I don't just want one day a year! So I am learning - to saunter, to linger, to frolic. In these things I find great delight.

Thoreau on "Walking"

So I discovered that Thoreau wrote a book on walking - yes, walking. I couldn't believe it as I have come to realize that I think sometimes the best thing I do to contribute to this world and becoming a better human comes from me walking in the woods.

He writes, "I have met but one or two persons in the course of my life who understood the art of walking, that is...who had a genius, so to speak for SAUNTERING."

He then goes on to explain that the word saunter derived from the middle ages - people who were wandering on their way to the Holy Land (Sainte Terre) and were thus nick-named "sainte-terrer" or Holy-Lander.

I, indeed, do find walking in the woods a holy activity - Thoreau says that the secret of successful sauntering could also come from the interpretation of "sans terre" meaning "without land" - as in "having no particular home, but [being] equally at home everywhere."

"No wealth can buy the requisite leisure, freedom, and independence which are the capital in this profession [of walking]. It comes only by the grace of God. It requires a direct dispensation from heaven to become a walker."

So - as I head out into the woods today, I will remember how wonderfully holy it is - and reap the capital rewards (not to be confused with the credit card) of this profession. Thanks Henry David - I like your style!

www.paulagamble.com

Why is loving God assumed?

Today I was out at a large missions conference in the Portland area - wow! It was a smorgasbord of amazing topics and seminars - 125 seminars total - how amazing is that? Like walking through a scrumptious buffet line, it would be easy to be overwhelmed by all the great choices. How in the world do you begin to decide what you want to go get a taste of? And - there was a throng of people in attendance - hard to walk from one side of the facility to the other. But would you believe it - out of 125 seminars, there was only 1 (at least from the titles and descriptions I read) on loving God. Why is that? Why is it that we spend so much time and energy talking about how to do ministry and merely assume that loving and being loved by God is happening? I know in my 21 years of ministry, it is assumed wrongly. It seems so much easier to measure "doing" than loving - and thus "doing" is emphasized and taught - it is the typical curriculum at most seminaries and conferences. Doing isn't wrong - but doing can be done in a loving manner, or not. It can sometimes be a clanging cymbal and noisy gong when it has not been done from and in love.
So my heart is a tad saddened today that once again, the emphasis on the 2nd command. I long to see ministry flowing from an overflow of intimacy with Christ...loving and letting ourselves being loved by Him and replicating that love to a loveless world.
Oh Lord, have mercy.

www.paulagamble.com

I said "no" today...

...No to something that I really wanted...No to an opportunity that would have developed my writing in really profound ways...No to remuneration that would have given me a some breathing room financially.

But it was Papa's no. And that means I said "yes" to Him.

Sometimes these life decisions get so complicated. I might not have even been chosen in the first place to be the writer for this project. That would have been someone else saying the "no." In a way, that would have been easier. I would have seen that as God "closing the door." But I needed to close the door. I needed to say no to obey him - whether or not I was chosen.

It is bittersweet - and I hear the enemy's annoying taunts that I'm a quitter or not brave enough to dive into this. I'm not sure how I feel fully about it but my tears are opening a doorway to something core going on deep within. I will pay attention to what He wants to reveal to me about me - the real me. I will let Him purge away the things that obscured my view and keep me bound.

So, I will continue to wait. To trust. I would rather say "yes" to Him by saying "no" to even something that is very good.

www.paulagamble.com

Robin dedicated her latest Christmas novella to moi

My good friend Robin Gunn dedicated her latest Christmas Novella, Engaging Father Christmas, to both me and her agent Janet. I've never had a book dedicated to me - and I am so humbled. About a year ago, Robin let me in on the earlier stages to help her get unstuck. I am amazed at how much work she put in (wrote in essence the equivalent of 4 novels to get just this one novella published!)
Check it out - it is second in the series of Christmas Novellas. The first one is Finding Father Christmas. And check out Robin's haps at www.robingunn.com


www.paulagamble.com

Happy St. Nicholas Day

Every year I celebrate St. Nicholas Day - St. Nick was a real person - born in Turkey and in his later years became a bishop in the church. St. Nick loved kids - and it is said that he hired people to make wooden toys, warm clothes and gingerbread treats that he'd go and hand out.

so - this morning I will make gingerbread men - but the old gingerbread cookie cutters had a bishops mitre (the pointy cap you see) as opposed to the roly-poly gingerbread men we traditionally see here in the states. So actually we're making gingerbread Bishops.

Later on some friends are coming over to decorate the cookies with me - at that time they will receive a stocking with something warm, something wood, something good to eat, and some chocolate gold coins. The gold coins come from a story about St. Nicholas hearing about a man who could not pay the dowry for his daughters wedding, so Nick snuck by at night, threw some gold coins into the house and the legend is they landed in the stockings hanging by the fire to dry.

In honor of St. Nick - it is great to do an anonymous kindness - Nicholas was motivated by the love of God to love others.

Here's is one pic of him:
My friend Beth, who discipled me in Corvallis, used to celebrate St. Nicholas day every year - it is when they gave their Christmas gifts. After St. Nick day, they'd put away the Santa stuff, and concentrate solely on the wonder of Jesus coming as an infant to bring the miracle of God Incarnate to us. Her daughter was asked by a lady at the checkout stand, "So, is Santa going to visit you this year?" And Lissa answered, "St. Nicholas has already visted, and now we are looking forward to celebrating Jesus."

So-I urge you to investigate more about the real St. Nick - a lover of God and others.


Oh - btw - it was Clement C. Moore's famous poem, "Twas the Night before Christmas" (1823) that gave us the first glimpse of the now U.S. version of Saint Nicholas. Then in 1931 - Coca Cola started using St. Nick for advertising with the tagline: "Thirst knows no season." Now, that I would agree with - but more along the lines of thirst for God...




Check out www.stnicholascenter.org for a whole lot more of details and ideas for how to celebrate.

And happy St. Nicholas Day!

Reparadigming Christmas - the Advent Conspiracy

I've been thinking of how my family can focus in on Christ at Christmas...seems the hubbub/pressure of gifts gets in the way. So, again, I've started making some gifts as well as thinking of how I can relate to my family and others in my neighborhood this Christmas.
I encourage you to watch this video and consider how you can re-paradigm your Christmas

3 mph in a 24/7 world

One of our guests at my ministry community's gathering last week shared about his need to slow down: ">The pace of my life is such I don’t have room for anything to go wrong, and when it does, the stress level goes through the roof... I hate that life. I’ve been contemplating the humanity of Jesus, amazed that he walked away from all the people that needed healing and instead, Jesus went away to be with Father. He did both well. Furthermore,he never walked more than 3mph - never borrowed a Roman chariot or horses to go faster. He just went 3mph all around Israel. And it's been said that if you walk more than 3mph, peoples' faces become blurred - I don't want to do that. I want to be present with people the way Jesus was.
How do you help someone fall in love with Jesus? I'm trying to be ruthless in controlling the pace of my life, trying to be a 3 mpg person in a 24/7 world."

yes - good questions and fodder for self-examination. How might I be ruthlessly unhurried (live 3mph in a 24/7 world) today?

www.paulagamble.com

The vow of Stability

I read about the Benedictine monastic vow of stability this week. Yes, the ones who vow this are committed to one piece of geography for the rest of their lives – but the vow is really about internal spiritual space which leads to stability of heart. Nouwen writes of how he wishes he would live: “Wherever I am, in a hotel, in a train, plane, or airport, I would not feel irritated, restless, and desirous of being somewhere else or doing something else. I would know that here and now is what counts and is important because it is God himself who wants me at this time in this place” (Genessee diary). Then this quote by Metropolitan Anthony Bloom, “…if you do not find Him here it is useless to go and search for Him elsewhere because it is not Him who is absent from us, it is we who are absent from Him…” (Seeing God, 65)

In meditating on this I have found it useful to accept this new phase of life with a dog – it sounds so silly and simple when I speak of it – but my “time” with Jesus in abiding looks and feels different now – I sometimes long for the leisure of uninterrupted time, but it is often interrupted. I am receiving this as neither good nor bad and believing that God is present in this newness as I adjust to it. He seems to be giving me more grace than I give myself – which is not uncommon!

There is an essence of "stability" that our entire nation is longing for - even with mantras for "change" it is change so that we can become more stable. In this election I fear much, and yet this vow of stability idea reminds me that regardless of whether (to quote my pastor) "an elephant or donkey is in a house that is white" I must believe that God is everywhere and still God. He is my stability.

Take a listen if you want

Last week (9/13 and 14) my pastor, Jeremy, interviewed me for the sermon. We were talking on "listening" to the Spirit. I love that my church leadership wants to listen to God and follow Him. At any rate, the mp3 is online for listening. Beware, we talk about unhurrying your life. So if you don't have time to listen - you're too busy. Just kidding.

May you hear the Good Shepherd's voice of love and leading.


www.thetablepdx.com


www.paulagamble.com

Listening to God

Most of us, even seminary trained folk, have not had any teaching on listening to God outside of our morning quiet times. I think North Americans translate John 10 (my sheep know me, listen to my voice and follow me) as this:
Jesus, as Shepherd, gathers his sheep in the morning - because of course that is the sanctified time of day to meet with Jesus. He gives some principles and instructions, "You can go here, don't go there. Do this, and don't do that. And... remember, I am with you always - and I'll see you tomorrow morning."

We know in Biblical times, that Shepherds were even with their sheep at night. The night of Jesus' own birth the angels appeared to the shepherds "watching their flocks by night." (Luke 2:8)

So, why do we doubt we can hear him? What are we most afraid of? Do we think God only speaks to tell us to do something that makes us feel way outside our comfort zones? Do we fear He only speaks to point out how we're screwing up? Do we believe, as the hymn writer penned, that God has "echoes of mercy, whispers of love" for us?

The first step to hearing is desire. Do you want to hear? Do you want to hear the voice of Love call you Beloved? Do you need to hear the voice of Love calling you Beloved? Have you ever sat with someone who doesn't really want to listen to you? I know when I am with someone like that, I stop talking. I don't compete with whatever else is distracting him/her. God is not in a hurry nor will He compete with a person not desirous of hearing His voice.

Like young Samuel, simply pray: "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening."
Then, as God prompts your heart...obey. Step out trusting He wants to reveal Himself to you.
Let me know how it goes.

www.paulagamble.com

Retreats North American Style vs Original intent

I was reading about the spiritual discipline of "Retreats" and the author says,

"Rather than going on retreats that slow us down to listen and focus on God alone, we go on 'retreats' filled with lectures, late nights, constant activity and interaction with all kinds of people. This sort of retreating is not a bad thing. It is simply not a retreat from the busyness and distractions of life. It is not time set apart with God alone.

"Retreating in the traditional sense, (i.e. in Historical Christianity) is not about gaining more information. It is not getting away to get things done. It is not a way to catch up on our reading or e-mail. Retreats are ways we pull back from the battle and rest. We take naps and go to bed early. In the presence of the holy One we enter into the silence and solitude and rest in God.

"We may feel that nothing really big or noteworthy happened on our retreat. The benefits in retreating often are not seen until we engage the battle again. Go away nad trust God with what happens in your soul."

From Spiritual Disciplines Handbook by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, 67-68.

She asks some questions:

1. What makes it difficult for you to get away with God?
2. Can you describe your desire to get away alone with God? What is your soul aching for?
3. When you go on retreat, what do you tend to do?
4. How does simply being with God sound to you?
5. How do doing and being fit together on your spiritual journey?
6. How might retreating with God address some dangers that surround your soul?

And I would add:
7. How might your ministry team and/or small group retreat together in a communal attitude of reflection (vs. the noisy/busy type of retreat)?

Feel free to post your thoughts for discussion and share ideas! And feel free to contact me if you're interested in getting some ideas for how to spend a day, half day or few days with the Lord.

Also feel free to consider joining me in a weekend Refresh retreat in Feb 2009 (dates to be announced.)

www.paulagamble.com

Adoption Video

A friend just sent me the link to this online video/photos... I do not even know the family, but I cried buckets in watching the welcoming home of this little baby into the family's arms. I wish that I would welcome others in the same way - that our churches would seek to invite people into "the family" with as much emotion and joy and wonder and with such sacrifice.

Click HERE to watch the clip

Have a blessed day

www.paulagamble.com

Brief Counseling Class

I'm taking a class at Fox on Brief Counseling...one of my classmates, Nathan, shared this helpful video in class today :)





www.paulagamble.com

Find Me

A poem prayer:

"You do not have to
look for anything, just
Look.
You do not have to
Listen for specific
Sounds, just
Listen.
You do not have to
Accomplish anything, just
Be
And in the
Looking and the
Listening and the
Being, find
Me."

~Ann Lewin in Lost in Wonder (by Esther DeWaal, 54).

www.paulagamble.com

Heart in a Feather

I've had a distracting day - distracted by hayfever, to-do lists, feeling behind, studies, worries etc etc etc.
I FINALLY stopped for a moment after classes - sat on my bench out front, took a deep breath and a little feather, the size of my thumbnail, caught my eye.

Take a look (and yes, I did look at it under a magnifying glass too!)




















For some reason, I sensed God's smile - that He was near. Coincidence. I doubt it.

www.paulagamble.com

Once a day...with a magnifying glass

I am reading a book called, Lost in Wonder: Rediscovering the Spiritual Art of Attentiveness by Esther De Waal. In it she suggests that once a day, we should look at something - anything - through a magnifying glass.

Stop...
Look...
Linger...

She writes, "It is important to use whatever comes to hand and stay with it, be happy with it whatever it may be, do not try to find something better somewhere else" (7).

Why do this? She wants us to practice being present - alive in all our senses in the ordinary, daily parts of our lives. Living with open eyes and open ears - they often open the heart as well! Let me know what you see!

Refresh @ Shepherd's Rest

What a joy to be out at Shepherd's Rest on Saturday - this place is amazing - You could join me on Sept 13th for some sweet time with God in a really amazing serene setting.
Check out the pics - and sign up for a Refresh retreat @ www.paulagamble.com

The Chapel







I couldn't resist going into the creek

The house...I know...it's roomy!

www.paulagamble.com

Nada te turbe...solo Dios basta (Let nothing disturb...God is enough)

Watch the youtube video below - and pray along!
This is a prayer found in Teresa of Avila's breviary:
Nada te turbe,
nada te espante,
todo se pasa;
Dios no se muda.
La paciencia
todo lo alcanza;
Quien a Dios tiene,
nada le falta;
Solo Dios basta.

Let nothing disturb you,
nothing surprise you,
all things pass;
God does not change.
Patience wins everything;
whoever holds onto God
lacks nothing;
God alone is enough.

www.paulagamble.com

Why I drink Coffee....

My friend Cheryl, who lost her phone to a terrible autoflushing incident at OMSI, sent me this picture :) I wonder if she had coffee before doing this?

Do you wear pearls when you drink coffee?

www.paulagamble.com

Helpful signage...

My cousin's kid took this picture at a recent family reunion.
Aren't you glad for helpful signs like this?
Don't you wonder how many people did fall (and perhaps even die) before they DID put up this helpful sign?

www.paulagamble.com

Love has no schedule

I am reading a book for my prayer class called, To pray and to Love by Roberta Bondi.
This week I was really delightfully shocked at Bondi’s comment, “Another characteristic of humility is its abandonment of purity as the main goal of the Christian life” (102). How often I have been taught not to dirty the knees of my pants on my way to heaven – rather than entering into the messiness of love vs. mere dutiful obedience. “Love is not about maintaining an ideology.” I’m saddened that the church has strayed so far from love. As I wrote the other day - this past weekend as I spoke to a Sunday school class re: fear and love within the context of my own journey, one woman came up to me and said, “When you spoke of what fear looks like I only saw my own constricted life. But tell me, how do I let God love me?” This woman has been at church most of her life – why has no one taught or modeled love (and letting themselves be loved) to her when it is the first and second greatest commandments? How did we get so messed up? I am getting angry as I write this – and ashamed of our churches and the lesser “goals” we hold as higher than love! And I do not even have a simple answer for her…because love is messy and I’m sure she has a mess of shame and habits and wounds that block her being able to receive.

Leonard Sweet said that his inability to receive is his greatest disability. I concur – I am needy, and oh so stubborn to be less than self-sufficient. I am protective, and oh so longing to be loved. I am hesitant to join community – yet desirous of connection. I am desirous to see my neighbors – the Baha’i gal, the yuppie, cynical couple whose cigarette smoke nightly invades my space and the desperate young woman giving away her soul to sleep with her boyfriend, the lonely divorced folk, the gay couple – (even here I label and am judgmental – Oh Lord have mercy!) I long for them to know this love that is liberating – for it to heal and cast out fears and dissolve hardness of heart.

Lord teach me how to walk in love. I have so much to learn. Thank you that you are in no rush! You are my shepherd, I shall not want – not even want to be more spiritual because love has no schedule. I love you Lord!

Those who are good

NLT of Psalm 125:4 “God is good to those who are good: to those who are in tune with you.” Think of that…those who are good in this passage are those who are in tune with God. (other versions say “upright in heart” or “hearts are right.”) I was thinking of some accountability relationships I’ve shared in the past – the questions were always, “Did you do x, y, or z or abstain from x, y, and z?” How dreadful they seem even in memory! What a kinder, gentler accountability when I don’t measure my or others’ goodness on behavior alone. Instead, there is this “in-sync-ness” of being in tune – of being with – of being near. And it is hard to be in tune with someone you don’t know or love or trust. I am grateful, today, that I sense this being in tune – even though I experienced a strong resistance of will in prayer this morning. I was yet with Him, and it was okay.

How do I let God love me?

This weekend I was speaking and leading worship at a church I was a part of in the early 90s. It was wonderful to reconnect with so many. As I spoke to the Sunday School classes, God had prompted me to talk about fear vs. love in the context of my own journey. As their own congregation looks ahead to the future, I challenged them to be a church that makes decisions out of Love, not fear. "Lean in and let the Perfect Love of God cast out all the fear you have..."

Afterwards several people came up and said, "We're not used to people talking so honestly - you don't talk about God in the same way as others."
I can only surmise this, perhaps, is because He is gifting me with His embrace that is setting me free from legalism and old wineskin tradition. His love is casting out my fears little by little.

I was most saddened, however, when a woman came up to me afterwards. Her face was deeply concerned - her eyes inquisitive, anxious and searching. Her face expressed the deep ache and longing of her heart: "Paula, when you spoke about what fear does, it resounded within me that I am a fearful person. I want God's love to cast out the fear - but how do I let God love me? I've never really even heard anyone talk about letting God love me."

Even now my soul aches for her - there is rich beauty in the longing expressed in her question. There is deep sadness to me that she, a lifetime church goer has NEVER heard anyone talk about letting God love her.

So - the question goes out to all of you - how do you let God love you?

True Worship

I read The Gift of the Red Bird by Paula D’Arcy last week. What a beautiful snapshot of a deepening spiritual journey. I’ve had a lot of ongoing reflections from the small, poetic testimony.
D'Arcy makes a comment about taking communion with a friend. She writes: "I was fully present in the moment, and so it is truly worship." As I've walked through my days this week, being "fully present" in various moments, it has been a delight to see all the ways I've worshiped the Lord. I was fully present with delight in watching the dogs frolic in the waves on the beach: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present in listening to a friend: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present in enjoying each bite of a chile relleno: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present writing in my journal: I truly worshiped.
I was fully present in listening to the sky crackle and thunder last night: I truly worshiped.
These acts of worship - simple, ordinary events made holy because God gifted me with the ability to be present.
Would that I would, in church, be fully present in song, sermon and fellowship.

www.paulagamble.com

How would you like to hang out with God here?

The third Refresh day retreat took place on June 24th - above is one of the spots that one of the participants hung out in.
Do you want to come hang out with God here too?
Check out www.paulagamble.com/refreshretreat.html for more info!

What does it take to be a poet?

A friend in my prayer class shared this about poetry and "musing" and I really loved it - so I'm sharing it with all of you:

"What does it take to be a poet?

"I remember being in grade school and the teacher trying to get us to write poems. At that age, we were all about rhyming…most of us were good at it because children are endlessly creative when it comes to making up rhyming nicknames for each other. But, after studying more in high school and college, I came to realize true poetry is a labor of love. It takes a deep love of something to make a person willing to spend the time necessary to ponder the depths or intricacies of that object – not just describing the “outsides” of that object, but getting to the core – the essence – that is loved. The greatest amount of work in poetry is not in the writing, but in the pondering/musing (otherwise we’re just trying to make words rhyme). I’m wondering how many of the early great poets were scolded by their parents for “daydreaming” or “wasting time” or “never getting anything important accomplished?”

And then the Lord says we are His poema - His poetry. How much pondering and musing went into the creating of me? Oh, it is lovely not being mere matter that was formed randomly by a large explosion!

www.paulagamble.com

Definition: Amusement

Muse: (verb) to reflect deeply on a subject; to ponder
Musement: The process of musing
A-muse-ment: the process of not reflecting

How much is the US's affection and addiction to amusement impacting our depth coming from the benefit of soulful reflection.

I'm just musing.

www.paulagamble.com

Centering Prayer Primer

I have been reading a lot of Father Thomas Keating's writings lately - he is a great advocate for the power of what has been traditionally called, "Contemplative" prayer - which, in his paradigm, is the only thing that fully heals us from our imposter selves which usually act and react to the world in defensive and striving postures. It is the only thing because in our "being still" we connect to the Trinity within us - the Trinity that has knit our innermost being and that loves us with expectancy. In the richness of this love alone, are we freed from the woundedness that has obscured our true vision of our true selves and of the True God (vs. who we imagine, fear or want Him to be.)

One of the disciplines to move toward this, which I prefer to call "abiding," is centering prayer. So - listen to Father Thomas Keating himself - and how he describes Centering prayer. He is delightful to listen to!



Let me know what you think.

www.paulagamble.com

Spiritual utilitarians

Seeking God experiences or insights turns us into spiritual utilitarians – we use and exploit disciplines and sermons and songs to gain a treasure – most likely one we will try to impart to others through our methodologies and marketing. If God chooses to give an insight or consolation – it can only be received, not gained. And in my undeserved state, He opens my heart to believe that I am loved, I do belong, which also gives me permission to appreciate and enjoy the gifts for themselves – not as something to mass produce. God is capable of wooing all 6 billion people on this planet without my help, though He may gift me with the privilege to do so. I dwarf my life when I meet God merely to get insight for my upcoming ministry tasks and responsibilities: O Lord have mercy on me – unmask my illusion that I am indispensible.

Eavesdropping like Matt

My friend Matt (of burning hearts revolution fame) and WSN director of the third (or is that 4th) epoch - likes to share his eavesdropping on his blog.

Today at Palio's I heard a guy say he had a miraculously bad night last night - it was a bit of an oxymoron to me, but he seemed all to eager to share the details of why it was a 3 shot morning of espresso: It turns out he got toasted and his date hooked up with a co-worker...I'm not sure which is miraculous and which is bad...you make the call.

Hope the 3 shots of espresso helped!

What will you do with your water?

No this isn't an environmental posting about clean water - A friend in class shared the following youtube video with me - thought it was beautiful and thought-provoking.



Have a blessed day

Unmasking the illusion of indispensability

I was talking with a young woman this week who was asking for my help in consulting her ministry leadership team. On and on I went - touting my experience and how I could help. What I really felt was that I needed to learn from her - she and her young contemporaries are starting a non-profit ministry to prostitutes. Now that is far more impressive than my blah, blah, blah.

Nouwen writes about how our abiding with Christ in wordless adoration helps “unmask the illusion of busyness, usefulness, and indispensability. It is a way of being empty and useless in the presence of God and of proclaiming our basic belief that all is grace and nothing is simply the result of hard work." Similarly, Evelyn Underhill says that adoration does a "disentangling" work. I have so much disentangling and unmasking to receive.

I have been taught to be indispensable because the sound of being dispensable (unnecessary, not needed, can be done away with) isn’t so appealing to my flesh. But it is not mine to choose – this being dispensable or indispensable. It is mine to choose to be obedient and the fruit of obedience is not even mine to choose (John 15:8, 16). This unselfing is good – it is what I long for. Here’s to the ongoing disentangling of my "self."

Whose Invitation?

Recently I was pondering the phrase, "I invited Christ into my life." I imagine Him contorting His body to come into such a limited and finite space. It feel arrogant to say this and I'm beginning to realize that it is not so much that I have invited Christ into my life, as He has invited me into His - which is far more abundant and thrilling!

Today I bought a basketball - hoops anyone?

In my journey to "recover" some fun and play in my life, I wrote down about 20 things that I have fun doing. As a kid I would spend hours in my driveway shooting baskets: Free throws, layups, reverse layups, working on equalizing ability with both hands. It's been years since I've done that. So today, I bought a basketball. Yup - a bonafide and official NCAA ball. I plan on taking it down to the covered baskets at the elementary school. I know it feels like it might snow today (where is spring?) but I am going to go imagine myself winning the final four with a buzzer shot! Care to join me?

Refresh - facilitated Day Retreats - coming soon!

I've been working to develop some day retreats for people.
Check it out @ my website
Refresh Retreats

Thanks!
~paula

www.paulagamble.com

Fearless Space

Henri Nouwen - he seems to have been given deep insight into the mystery of Christ:

“God alone is free enough from wounds to offer us a fearless space.”

...perfect love casts out all fear....

CRM Communitas - check out this video

What is God doing in Church Resource Ministries - here is one example ina 4 minute clip about the new ministry I'm a part of.

A Blessed Beggar

Enjoying Margaret Becker's "Just Come In" CD...
My favorite line that makes me worship:

"Like a beggar blessed, I stumble into grace….
reaching out my hand for what awaits…"

He is good

www.paulagamble.com

NEW Paula CD - almost here!!!

That's right - I just finished recording 11 songs...and am in the final process of preparing them for distribution. For sound samples go to my website www.paulagamble.com

And please let me know what you think!

Over the next month or so I'll post blogs on the stories/thoughts behind the songs...just in case you're interested.

Blessings & Joy!
~pg

First Magazine article published

I am laughing...laughing...laughing. It is fitting that this world traveler's very first in print ,published magazine article is in a language that I cannot read... German. A new and wonderful friend, Elizabeth Mittelstaedt, the editor of the Christian Women's magazine asked me to write about my adoption. For those of you who want to freshen up on your German skills, you can view part of it online at http://www.lydia.net/aktuelle_ausgabe/artikel3.html

Where I've been lately

Trapped in my music room - trying to crank out some new tunes! I love creating...maybe i'll post a blip somewhere soon...
back to my hermit hole.

www.paulagamble.com

Revival Coming to PDX?

This week a church in B’ton named, Solid Rock Fellowship, has held a week of fasting and prayer for revival. Each morning, about 100-150 people have shown up from 6:30 to 7:30 to pray…I joined them on 2 different mornings and it was really wonderful. On Sat, May 12th, they prayed together from 9-10 a.m. on top of Council Crest – there is a plaque a top the hill that shares how 30 Christian ministers took a 2 hour six horse carriage ride from Portland atop the hill in 1898 to pray over the city. History reveals that in 1905 - there was a revival in Portland. (Click here to read more about the 1905 revival.)

I joined with Solid Rock Fellowship’s prayer (day 6) atop Council Crest on Sat morning – once again over 150 people (mostly in their 20's) praying for revival for the Portland area. During the time a Chinese evangelist named Brother Yun (You can read his amazing story in the book, “The Heavenly Man”) shared that he believed revival was coming to Portland…

Then a gal named Brooke shared that a year ago she was living in Texas and asked God to send her to be a part of a revival in America. He told her to move to Portland.

On Friday night my friend Kathryn and I met another young gal (19) who said that she prayed and asked God for where to go to have impact in his kingdom – he sent her here…she’s from South Africa.

After the prayer time on Sat morning, some of the gals went downtown for coffee and to pray some more. They passed a group of African American men singing about Jesus on 10th and Yamhill and stopped to inquire about who they were, if they could pray for/with them, and why they were there. The men said that God put on their heart that he was starting a revival…and so in obedience they went to the street corners to pave the way with singing.

Dear brothers and sisters – something is afoot – let’s not miss it!



Love to you all

~paula

A New Hero

One of the greatest privileges I had in India was meeting a woman named "A". She is the only female pastor (out of about 25 pastors) who oversee about 3000 believers in the Minjur area of India. It was a privilege to be able to meet her and to be able to preach in her church on Sunday morning.

As the story unfolded, I found out from others that "A" has been arrested before...and no doubt she has had a difficult time being a woman pastor in a society that, as another male pastor jokingly said to me, "has only two castes: Male and Female."

I asked "A" what made her step out 7 years ago to start some churches?

"It was on my heart to do and I could not not do it. I had to do what God had put on my heart."

A didn't tell me this, but my translator interjected, "Yes, Pastor A, has about 600 believers in her church. They meet in multiple locations because there is no place large enough for them all to gather."

Quickly in my mind, I'm doing the math. "There's only 3000 believers among a population of 500,000 - and A pastors 600. That means 1/5 of them are under her shepherding. Wow! Seven years ago she started her church by sharing Jesus - seven years later, she has 600 people - 99% new converts!

Being a woman in ministry myself, and knowing that it is sometimes difficult to navigate and operate in a "married man's" world, I asked A, "How do you keep going in the midst of a culture that doesn't really accept female leadership?"

If she would have asked me this question, I would have given her a piece of my mind - how I'd been wounded, what I'd do differently, etc.

But A only had 2 words for me. She looked up heavenward, raised her right hand and pointed up, "Jesus leads!"

That's it.

Sermon over...two words that if all of us would take to heart and live by day to day would most likely revolutionize our lives, our ministries and the world.

Stripped to be Adorned

One of the things I like about being in India is wearing the traditional sari - 6 yards of brilliantly colored fabric draped around the body, pleated and pinned over the left shoulder. I never feel more beautiful nor feminine than when I am wearing a sari. There is only one problem - I cannot dress myself in a sari.

Thankfully, there are all too many eager Indian women who are willing to help and before the second day of the women's conference I recruited just such a volunteer. As we were walking to a room where she could dress me, she matter-of-factly stated, "I have another fat friend like you who couldn't make a blouse out of this fabric..."

Ouch - that sort of stung. She went on talking about her friend, but I didn't hear what she was saying because I was so surprised by this seeming dig.

Once we got into the room and she said, "If I knew you were going to wear a sari, I would have brought you a more beautiful one."

Ouch - once again, my heart deflated. Here I was, half way around the world to teach the Bible to these women, and I felt stripped of all beauty. I was going to stand in front of these women as a fat lady with a grievous fashion faux paus.

Even more interesting - the very message I was delivering that day was that the fallen beautiful one (satan) wants to steal our attempts as women to bringing beauty into the world. These "attacks" (though not meant as attacks from this woman) were so obviously connected and smacked of the fallen beautiful one trying to steal this messenger and her message.

Dressed in my "so-so" sari, I shuffled across the dirt courtyard to the church building where I was supposed to speak at 9:30...and I sat there. Sat and sat - one hour passed...then two. Various people got up to sing, pray and utter a lot of words in a language I couldn't understand. I felt like I was sitting at an "open mic" night.

As the minutes ticked away, I was getting so angry. I was eager to share the word of God...but I just sat. Then they brought tea and cookies - which delayed my teaching time yet another half hour. I was so frustrated and discouraged - one of those "I don't like this culture anymore" days. I had words of life to hold out to these women...and yet there were these ongoing stabs at my heart and delays for me being able to teach.

Finally - I got up to teach. I shared my testimony - how I was conceived in rape and in the eyes of God wasn't a mistake. And throughout the morning I shared how none of us are mistakes - and that we are all "raja kumari" (princesses in Tamil - literally King's daughters). I had the women turn to one another and introduce themselves, "Hello, my name is Paula Raja Kumari." (and the whole rest of the week the gals would come up to me and call me Paula Raja Kumari and then tell me their name, like, Bardi Raja Kumari. I said that God chose us to be royalty - so that we could declare His excellencies (1 Peter 2:10) and so that we could bring beauty and light to the broken places in our worlds. "But," I said, "This beauty will be opposed by the fallen beautiful one." For the one hour (out of 4) that I got to teach, I poured my heart out - and it felt good to finally proclaim the truth.

Upon finishing, my translator turns to me and says, "I cannot believe that you shared that story: I was born of rape too and was struggling with the meaning of my life. It was so oddly wonderful to have you be speaking directly to me...and then me having to process it, turn it around and translate it. I cannot tell you how powerful your words were today. Thank you so much - this was a message that we women in India needed to hear."

Words cannot describe the heart connection and gratitude I had with dear Beulah. God sent the perfect translator - not only to be ministered to, but also to transmit this God-given message to the other women present.

I handed her a small gift - 2 bottles of perfumed lotions, and she said, "Oh, I wish I had something for you."

"No need - it is not necessary. I just wanted to thank you for translating," I replied.

"Well, I want to thank you for teaching," she said.

Just then her 11 year old daughter, Mishal, walked up. "That's my middle name," I said joyfully.
Beulah replied, "Well, we will always remember to pray for you then...as we have a daily reminder."

I noticed a strand of pearls on Mishal's neck. "Those are beautiful," I said.

"Then you must have them," said Beulah as she reached to take them off of Mishal and put on my neck.



A floodgate of emotion burst out - I'm sure no Indian woman has ever seen a Western woman nor a "respected" teacher cry like that. I didn't even know all that emotion was in there. But after being stripped of my sense of beauty prior to the talk (on beauty), waiting over 2.5 hours for my chance to finally teach, AND seeing that it was not all for naught AND having this divine connection with my translator, I could only weep at God's generosity. As I retold the story to my teammates on the van ride home that night, Mike Parker got his big dimpled smile on his face and said, "Princess Paula, you were stripped, so that you could be adorned."

And that was the stunning beauty of the Lord on Saturday - letting me live the message I was to preach...letting me experience how the stripping leads (and will eventually lead) to full adornment.