my soul reFresh

Strengthening the Soul retreats -

2011-09-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

Strengthening the Soul - a package of seasonal day retreats to empower, anchor and enrichen your daily living

"Who wants to live a shallow, hollow existence

on the surface of things?

We downsize our souls

to achieve a safer bottom line

of religious acceptability...

to open up our souls and discover the fullness

of who we are in the stream of God's love

has not ever been an option for many Christians."

~Jeff Imbach

And it is an option now!

Introducing Strengthening the Soul - a series of 4 day retreats over the period of a year designed to open your soul to discover the fullness of who you are in the stream of God's love.

Over the last 3 1/2 years of facilitating people toward God's love I've noticed there is something about pulling away with an intentional focus on God in a “spacious and unhurried place” that unsticks and empowers people in a way “normal” spiritual habits cannot... I've witnessed it over and over again in profound, whether subtle or overtly miraculous, ways. I've heard many speak of longing to participate in such a time, but because of either cost, time, or our all too commonly overstuffed lives, it continues to be something "I'll get to one of these days.”

Well, one of these days is now here.

How about investing in yourself by committing to 4 Saturdays over the period of a year where you might build a regular rhythm of caring for and strengthening the "you" that longs to live a full, rich, gutsy, and perhaps even messy but meaningful, life?

These four Strengthening the Soul day retreats (1 per season over the year) meet a need for something in between an occasional day retreat and the more intensive 2 year commitment to the ACT Journey

Strengthening the Soul -
That's right - it's a quad of day retreats - a package deal - a "let's intentionally pursue soul care and soul strength this year with other people who long to do the same" type of thing.

The dates:

Once every 3 months over a year.
Sept 27th, Dec 3, 2011 & March 17, June 23, 2012
Each retreat will run from 9am-3:30p on a Saturday.

The Cost:

Only $149 for all four retreats - this includes lunch! That's only $37.25/retreat!

To put this in perspective: a "normal" day reFresh is $65. Though steep for some people, many of us still find the time and money to pay for a gym membership at $40+/month, and counseling...and massage...and sports tickets...and cable/satellite TV... Bottom line: we will invest in the things we think are important! What are you investing in your soul?

The Place:The Table Community Church campus out in the beautiful rolling hills of Stafford, OR (Wilsonville). The church is an historic, white-steepled sanctuary with room to roam or cozy up in a corner.

For more info and to register go click here.

If you are a member of the Table, GracePoint Fellowship, or Cru and want to participate,

please email me

Special Offer

The first five people to register and pay in full will receive a $25 refund. That amounts to $31 per retreat! What a deal!

These five spots are likely to go fast... there are only 15-20 spots available. Please feel free to forward this to friends!

The next day reFresh is around the corner!

Sept. 17th at the exquisite

DreamGiver's Inn

(only 2 spots left)

Fall dates for a day reFresh @ the wonderful DreamGiver's Inn

Oct 12th

Nov 19th (Sat)

Nov 30th (Advent)

ACT Journey III

Want to discover, recover or deepen your intimacy with Christ? Consider the 2012-2014 2-year ACT Journey. More info here.

Next weekend reFresh

Nov 11-13, 2011

Consider coming together as a small group to enter the holidays with God's guidance!

More info here.

I'd love to journey with you in this upcoming year of day retreats designed to Strengthen Your Soul...

~paula

Soul Artisan

creating unhurried spaces

to help others discover the art of living courageously and authentically in the stream of God's love

Trust me...

2011-09-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post.)

Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love,

he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ.

He did all this on his own, with no help from us!

Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next

to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus.

Saving is all his idea, and all his work.

All we do is trust him enough to let him do it.

It's God's gift from start to finish! (Eph 2 MSG)

This morning as I settled into Mt. Sinai - my big recliner chair where I go to still my soul in God's presence - I centered my heart with the word, "Embraced." Each time my wandered to my to-do list, pick music, do my reimbursement, groceries to add to the list, etc. - I would breathe deeply, utter "embraced" and come back to a place of peace. I'm not sure how many times I had to utter my word...but I remember that each time I do so, I am "consenting" to open my heart to the One who has immense love and showers grace and kindnesses on me (Eph 2: 1-7 MSG)

Finally my heart settled. And I sensed deep call to my deep: "Trust me."

Immediately my body tensed. "Uh-oh," I worried, "what's gonna happen?" immediately followed by "You don't think I trust you?" with a whimpering sense of self-pity.

I am a tad disturbed by my reactions. Why do I immediately fear difficulties and impending deficits upon hearing God invite me to trust Him? What are the things I am not trusting Him with? Which relationships? What aspect of reFresh? Provision of finances? His forming me and this ministry entrusted to me? And, my defensiveness wanted to tout to God all the ways I have trusted him...for multiple decades now, thank you very much!

No answers.

No specific applications.

No hint of anything on the horizon...but a plea to the depths of my soul to "Trust Me."

Today, I do not know what that will look like. In reality, I don't know what it looks like tomorrow either. But each moment, I will remember that I am in His embrace...He is trustworthy.

Breathe, Paula, breathe.

My greatest calling in life is to believe He is good. He is for me. He can be trusted with ALL of me.

Imagine hearing God say to you: "Trust me."

How do you react?
Pay attention to your physical, embodied reactions.
Do you get excited or fearful when you hear these words?
What aspect of God helps you return to peace - i.e. what does He want to reveal to you about who He is so as to deepen your intimacy with and trust in Him?

On your journey of "trusting God" - consider having your spiritual journey "companioned" by a trained spiritual director. Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice in the church – where a "soul friend" travels alongside and lends you courage to pay attention to all that your life – your true life – is voicing and longing to voice and contribute to a world in need. A Spiritual Director helps you engage with spiritual techniques that help you discover, recover or deepen your intimacy and enjoyment of the real God - not who you imagine, fear or want God to be. In Spiritual direction, the director does not direct or coach your life – but (s)he will help you overhear the nuances of your own soul in tandem with the True Director, the Holy Spirit. For more info or questions on how to find a Spiritual Director and/or ask what Spiritual Direction is all about, click here or on the links below.

creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Enjoying God

2011-08-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post.)

"The enjoyment of God should be the supreme end of spiritual technique..." J.S. Mackenzie

"The chief end of humankind is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."
Westminster Shorter Catechism

In the realm of spiritual formation - which is somewhat of a fad term these days (i.e. you'll get about as many definitions as there are people trying to define it AND "programs" that will help you be "formed" with three easy steps for $79.95) - there are many spiritual "disciplines" which are offered to help a person turn to God, to "contemplate God," in order to help one be more open to being conformed to His image. We hear from the pulpit that we are to be "like Christ" in the midst of our ordinary daily living. We are encouraged to invite others to "come and see" Jesus - but what are they seeing? How does true spiritual transformation happen? And is it happening in your life as you heed the "action steps" of a weekly admonition?

Primarily, true transformation happens because the Lord, who is the spirit, brings freedom - as we behold Christ, what "veils" us from true life is taken away - and we are transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory (2 Cor 3: 15-18). One of my professors at Western Seminary, Dr. J. Carl Laney, said often, "We are transformed to the level of our beholding." Therefore, spiritual disciplines are supposed to help us "behold" Christ and open our hearts to His love so that we may be like Him (NOTE: 1 John 3:2 - could it be that as Christ appears to us, not only in the 2nd coming, but in our everyday lives, we will become more like Him?)

Most people, however, when confronted with the idea of spiritual "disciplines," imagine ascetic, arduous and painful practices to "slay" the lusts of the flesh etc. In other words, to stop sinning; To alter behavior - don't drink or chew or go with girls who do. The end result - often a church comprised of people who look like they've been sucking on lemons. (I'm borrowing phrases from my former pastor!) I'm not convinced that most Christians are actually practicing disciplines that help them actually to enjoy God, to enjoy the generosity He lavishes upon us, and as a result, to mirror a life that brings glory to Him.

Furthermore, in what ways do you and I and our church bodies sense God enjoying us? Brennan Manning often says that he believes God loves him because God is theologically bound to do so. "But, do I believe He likes me?" This is much harder to believe, but if embraced would radically transform whole congregations.

Do you believe He enjoys and delights in you - likes you? Why or why not?

This week, I encountered more people seemingly enjoying God/life (at least His creation) while walking in the woods then I did in church. I received more blessings and kindnesses from "strangers" I passed then from people sitting in the pews. Why are people happier walking in the woods then sitting in a worship service? Hmmm.

What spiritual "techniques" do you employ in your life?

"Quiet Time" - a common term to describe a set aside time to study the Bible and discover timeless principles by which to order our lives. Why is it the "only" quiet time of our day? Why so compartmentalized? Regardless, if you have a "quiet time" - does it bear the fruit of enjoyment/joy in your day as you interact with others, yourself, your circumstances?
Prayer - In what ways do your prayers lend you enjoyment of God? Life? Living?
Attending small groups - Is there an honest enjoyment of being with God and others in your gathering - how does it impact the rest of your week?

There are many, many spiritual disciplines one can undertake to discover, recover or deepen their intimacy and enjoyment of God. A great resources is Adele Calhoun's book, the Spiritual Disciplines Handbook. In it she clearly denotes that it is not the disciplines (doing all of them, doing them in order, doing them "rightly") that are the goal. But choosing the ones that help you open your heart to trust His love - and that bear the fruit of enjoying God.

How is God inviting you to intentional cooperate with opening your heart to His love and to enjoying Him?

Mackenzie continues:

The enjoyment of God should be the supreme end of spiritual technique; and it is in that enjoyment of God that we feel not only saved in the Evangelical sense, but safe: we are conscious of belonging to God, and hence are never alone; and, to the degree we have these tow, hostile feelings will disappear..."

As you enter the fall season, evaluate your spiritual techniques...which are leading you toward an enjoyment of God, others and self? Maybe you need to "shake up" your current routine by asking God how He'd like to spend time with you. Please let me know what you discover.

If you are interested in or desiring to have a spiritual life more characterized by enjoyment of God, vs. a rote, uninspiring duty, consider having your spiritual journey "companioned" by a trained spiritual director. Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice in the church – where a "soul friend" journeys alongside and lends you courage to pay attention to all that your life – your true life – is voicing and longing to voice and contribute to a world in need. A Spiritual Director helps you engage with spiritual techniques that help you discover, recover or deepen your intimacy and enjoyment of the real God - not who you imagine, fear or want God to be. In Spiritual direction, the director does not direct or coach your life – but (s)he will help you overhear the nuances of your own soul in tandem with the True Director, the Holy Spirit. For more info or questions on how to find a Spiritual Director and/or ask what Spiritual Direction is all about, click here or on the links below.

creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

What's in a name? My thoughts on Campus Crusade for Christ's name change...

2011-08-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

My life was deeply influenced and developed by nearly 16 years (19 if you count my collegiate involvement) with CCC. I am grateful for so much gifted to me in the years both as new staff to being a regional director and from living in the states and overseas. May God Bless you Cru.

All opinions are my own...no one in Cru paid me for my testimonial :) Would love to hear your thoughts and comments - feel free to share.

www.mysoulrefresh.com

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part III

2011-07-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post. Being Gentle with myself in the Questions - Part I is here.)

What does being gentle with myself even mean?

Accepting my humanness...my struggle...my questions...my contradictions...and to stand in the Presence of God with all that I am – all that I cherish and all that makes me shudder. It is letting my current pain, the newness of this place in my spiritual and soul journey, reveal not only my questions but also my longings beneath the questions. Mostly, my pain reveals my need for God to be my all in all, and for me to abandon to His love and care. This is not a one-time act. It is daily. It is moment by moment. It is currently very tiring for I am not surrendering to the process...but fighting...perhaps like a soon-to-be born afraid to come out of the womb.

Surrender is...

...costly

...rewarding

...messy

...beautiful

...amazing

...miraculous

...painful

...yielding unparalleled joy

As I type, a heavy sigh emerges...my heart is pounding, I can feel it in my chest and my jaw/neck.

I am a stubborn woman, Lord.

This too I bring into Your Presence and ask that You will give me rest –

a settledness that likely won't answer my questions

or even quiet my insecurities,

but where I am free, at home, messy and miraculous,

able to be me without any masks, make-up, illusions etc.

Here am I, just as I am...

today with fear and hope...

wondering how in the world those two things can co-exist,

but they do because of Your kindnesses toward my heart and life.

---

If you are asking ultimate life questions - trying to “figure life out” - or ready to consider some of these deeper longings of your soul, please consider journeying with a soul friend – a trained spiritual director. Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice in the church – where you companion with a person who journeys alongside and lends you courage to pay attention to all that your life – your true life – is voicing and longing to voice and contribute to a world in need. A Spiritual Director does not direct or coach your life – but (s)he will help you overhear the nuances of your own soul in tandem with the True Director, the Holy Spirit. For more info or questions on how to find a Spiritual Director and/or ask what Spiritual Direction is all about, click here or on the links below.

creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part II

2011-06-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post. Being Gentle with myself in the Questions - Part I is here.)

I have so many contradictions:

I want to be wanted...I fear to be wanted.
I want to be useful...I don't want to have others' unrealistic expectations imposed upon me.
I love and thrive to be alone...I ache in being alone ...

Is this normal?

How can I invite others to deep places of these painful questions and contradictions, with an invitation also, to surrender even in the midst of unsatisfactory answers? I know the discomforts of living by faith with a nebulous, Mysterious Lover. The heights and depths and widths of His Love both surpass my understanding and whet my appetite for the more. But "the more" is daunting, and my doubts ebb and flow as constant and rhythmic as the tides. When the tide is low, so much in my life and soul feels exposed, stranded, stuck.

Breathe. I must remember to breathe.

I hear an echo of voices past and present urging me to be gentle with myself. I cannot hear this enough, It is easy to dispense similar advice to others, but honestly, I struggle to know what it looks like in my day to day life and calling. It makes me wonder if the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23) – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control – is as much a gift toward myself as it is toward others? In other words, how can I be gentle with my neighbor if a) I have not experienced God's gentleness and b) I have not been gentle with myself? Without these primary experiences, any gentleness I show to others is contrived and likely manipulative – existing only to portray my spirituality, not embody it.

How are you able to be gentle with yourself?
Or how have you experienced the gentleness of God?
What difference might it make to be more gentle with yourself?
Which area of your life do you struggle most (i.e. have high expectations of yourself) in being gentle?
What does your heart want to pray?

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part I

2011-06-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post)

So, what are my questions?

What is the “it” that I'm trying to figure out? What am I asking and hoping that if I do get an answer, will render my life more peaceful, meaningful, fulfilling, restful and in sync with God?

Honestly, at least currently, much of my struggles, doubts and insecurities stem from my “aloneness.” But indeed, it is the greatest paradox of my life. I love to be alone – to create alone – to enjoy stillness and solitude and quiet... I'm energized deeply by a leisurely, quiet morning in front of a fire reading, or gardening, reflecting, meditating, praying, sauntering. Typically, I do these best alone. I am the one who can't wait to go to a cabin in the woods/at the coast/in the gorge for a week by myself (with my dog and cat, of course.)

Though I have a preference for aloneness, I know I need community. I also have friends and communities with whom I intentionally share my life and even my struggles. Sometimes they are life-giving. At other times, the innate human temptation to “fix” one another predominates and I walk away even more discouraged. As a self-proclaimed selfish, finite, fumbling human I don't need a pep talk any more than a smoker needs to be told that smoking is not good for your health. I have a love/hate relationship with my communities, and as an extreme introvert who prefers monk-ish rhythms and thinks homesteading in simplicity on Walden pond, like Thoreau, would be idyllic, I struggle to be gentle with myself in giving me the space I need and finding the balance between alone/together so as to gift myself with what is appropriate for my sanity.

I know this about me...I need space to be alone. I cannot offer any "presence" to others unless I've regenerated in these abundant spaces - and for me, it seems to take a whole lot more than for others. And/or, I've been daring enough to re-align my life, live more simply, in order to take the space I need so I can be present and loving to God, self and others. In the midst there is a costly, beautiful ache in the aloneness. He has called me to be near...and I have devoted my life to be close to the Lord (Jer. 30:21) Regardless, beneath the aloneness I am not so much lonely as much as I wonder, “Am I desirable? Do I have value and beauty regardless of my capabilities? Am I wanted for more than what I have to offer? Can I be the monk-ish me in the midst of a world that feverishly pursues so much vanity?”

The world (nor the church) is set up well for those of us with contemplative monk-ish hearts. Oh to be gentle with myself and with the church...I'm not so good at either.

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART III

2011-06-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post - Living the questions - Part I is here.)

Only God can meet my haunting questions satisfactorily. I don't think He necessarily answers the question, but he promises to be with me – and that is [or at least was originally intended to be] enough.

The Lord is my Shepherd – I shall not want (ps. 23:1).

Oh to be so content and trusting that my every unanswered question dissipates in His Presence...that I don't need to know because His Presence that goes with me also gives me rest (a settledness/at-home-ness in His Presence) Ex 33

In Spiritual Direction with a compassionate listener, she, in her silent, attentive presence with me, gives me courage to be comfortable with unknowing. A good Spiritual Director, like a good river guide, has journeyed into the territory of the rough waters of the soul. She is engaged in the practice of encountering giant boulders of pain, swirling currents of questions and undertows of desire. She is one who is herself living the questions, surrendering to the heights, depths and widths of God's love that surpass her understanding (Eph. 3: 18-21).

The journey requires unknowing...a trustful surrendering of what I think I know to be true...this cannot be done in a nice, half-hour morning devotional where I extrapolate principles for bettering my life (behavior, attitudes, etc). For most North Americans bred on dualistic reasoning, linear thinking and with the internet at our disposal to gorge our brains with information – we think knowledge/info and "googling it" is power (perhaps even our means to 'salvation'). We believe answers will relieve our suffering. We are rarely invited to a journey of unknowing. Yet the One who is Mystery...well, He gently beckons...not to impart knowledge, but to be with.

Nouwen writes:
“Teachers can only teach when there are students who want to learn. Spiritual Directors can direct only when there are seekers who come with a question. Without a question, an answer is experienced as manipulation or control. Without a struggle, the help offered is considered interference. And without the desire to learn, direction is easily felt as oppression” (8).

Do you have vexing questions? Are you weary of living in a pathological busyness that is sucking love and life out of your days?

Again, Nouwen offers the value of spiritual companionship and guidance: “Spiritual guidance affirms the basic quest for meaning. It calls for the creation of space in which the validity of the questions does not depend on the availability of answers but on the questions' capacity to open us up to new perspectives and horizons” (9).

Oh how I long for people to experience relief – to companion others into the rough and glorious waters of the soul. reFresh was born out of this longing to created unhurried space for the soul. But just as not everyone will desire to go on a wild, white water rapid adventure for fear of being flipped out of the boat...not many desire to go into unchartered waters and canyons and rapids of the soul...where breathtaking, life-altering views and experiences lay waiting. I long for reFresh to be a place where people can ask the questions, to live the questions with God and one another, to let the questions (and God) open us to new perspectives and horizons.

Anyone interested and want to join me?

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART II

2011-06-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post - Living the questions - Part I is here.)

“Once pain or confusion is framed or articulated by a question, it must be lived rather than answered...The first task of seeking [spiritual] guidance then is to touch your own struggles, doubts and insecurities – in short to affirm your life as a quest. Your life, my life, is given graciously by God. Our lives are not problems to be solved but journeys to be taken with Jesus as our friend and finest guide.” (Henri Nouwen, in Spiritual Direction, 6).

Picture an iceberg...on the surface is what we know. Beneath is a mass of unknown. What presents as our compulsions (often in response to our pain/woundings), really, if we take time to pay attention, is an invitation to our deeper questions below the surface. But beneath (or perhaps within) our questions lies our longings...our soul, mind, body, heart yearnings, crying out for authentic and meaningful loving and living. Our compulsions mask our pain. Our pain leads to deeper questions – and our questions, sometimes disguised as dissatisfactions – always lead to our longings.When we let them lead us to our longings, they are Holy.

And my/your longing is the truest thing about me/you – whether we are conscious of it or not. It is a compulsory force for all we think, say, and do.

No doubt, these “ultimate life questions” are potentially charged with the type of glorious profundity that will sully life as usual. Life may still “look” mundane and perhaps even like a struggle, but everyday moments will be, as Gerald Manley Hopkins penned, be “charged with the grandeur of God.” Ordinary becomes extraordinary because we dare to live our questions and listen for His answers. People who face death and battle diseases know this...in the midst of the deeper questions many petty concerns and pursuits seem frivolous.

When we do dare to dig deeper and we have a taste that there is INDEED more – when we realize and embrace that ultimately our longing to be loved and significant is only met in the lavish embrace of God – our compulsions to attain enough affection, approval and security/control, dissipate. We no longer need to frenetically chase the "oh look that's shiny" shadows of reality. We are enough; Life is enough; Because He is enough. The pathway to “enoughness” seems to be by paying attention to our wounds, our questions and the deepest longings these reveal. Yes, even the longings which often feel threatening, out-of-control, untidy and “improper” for “nice” Christian people.

I wonder if that is why there is a pathological addiction to busyness in our culture.

If I stay busy, my life “looks” of value, for “busyness” is a modern day status symbol of success AND I can avoid the deeper longings that are often unpredictable and seem irresponsible. I can secure (aka manipulate) the affection I need, the approval I need, the control/security I need to feel good about myself. Busyness lends me the convenience of bypassing the pain so as to also ignore the underlying questions. But if I continue doing so, my life will continue “spinning” in the dreaded rut – where I do the same behaviors over and over expecting a fresh and effortless outcome (i.e. like losing weight without limiting my intake of food or exercising...)

I will never arrive at my soul's deepest longings – and the place where true, abundant and meaningful living emerges - without facing my pain and living my questions.

Here is God's invitation (in the context of bringing our thirsts to his living waters Is. 55:1-8):

“Pay attention, come to Me, and listen that your soul might live.” (Is. 55:3)

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creating unhurried space for the soul
soul care retreats, resources and coaching

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART I

2011-06-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post)

Spiritual writer Henri Nouwen, in his book Spiritual Direction, poses that people often go for spiritual guidance when they are unable to evade an “ultimate life question” which vexatiously festers around the corners of their lives. Some of those questions resemble these:

What is truth?
I'm so tired of being tired - isn't there more?
What do I do with my loneliness? My giftedness?
Can I be forgiven for _________?
Will I ever be truly loved? Am I loveable? Desirable? Wanted?
Why am I stuck in a cyclical striving for approval, affection and the need to control but never feeling I gain enough of any of these things?
How can I overcome my addictions, shame, lust, inadequacies, sense of failure, embarrassments, etc?
Where is God in all “this” suffering (pain, unclarity, confusion, loss etc)?
What is my purpose on this planet? Will I ever accomplish anything meaningful?

Where do you turn when you have some of these “ultimate” life questions?

I often don't “see” these questions on the surface of my life. The busyness of life can push most of them to the back burner. But they, nonetheless, commonly lurk beneath the dark surfaces of my conscious or subconscious pain and woundings. Sometimes it is easier to avoid and/or garner pity for the pain than to take a look at it and the deeper questions being revealed underneath. These questions are rarely gentle...they are more haunting...I think that is because some deep part of my soul is crying out to be truly freed to live fiercely and freely. But the doubts feel threatening...will they expose me as a fraud? a failure? a freak?

It is easy to see doubt (i.e. my questions) as the opposite of faith – where really, thinking I am certain of my own ability to answer/validate my life (and/or to avoid the questions while making up my own fictitious estimation of validation) is the opposite of faith.

Really our restless questions ARE the essence of our faith...will we turn to the Creator or culture for answers?

Consider slowing long enough to sit with some of your “pain” - underneath are your “ultimate life questions.” What are they?
Now consider paying attention to the core, soulish part of you – where God, your Lover and Maker reside, and ask, “Lord, what are the longings beneath my questions? What is my soul crying out for?” (just listen...do not journal during this time, be attentive to body, soul, mind...)
After 10 minutes of silence...journal your experience. What did this time reveal to you about God? About yourself? How do you feel about it?

No doubt, these questions are daunting to face alone. It is no wonder that few actually take the time to journey to these deeper places...I long to companion those who long to intentionally face and live their questions...I should not be surprised that so few are "signing up" to do so. This is NOT easy. But neither is getting your body in shape to climb Mt. Hood.

---

If you are asking ultimate life questions - trying to “figure life out” - or ready to consider some of these deeper longings of your soul, please consider journeying with a soul friend – a trained spiritual director. Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice in the church – where you companion with a person who journeys with you and lends you courage to pay attention to all that your life – your true life – is voicing and longing to voice and contribute to a world in need. A Spiritual Director does not direct your life – but (s)he will help you overhear the nuances of your own soul in tandem with the True Director, the Holy Spirit. For more info or questions, click here or on the links below.

creating unhurried space for the soul
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For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Hoping to God that God is God - Part IV

2011-06-10T03:00:00.000-07:00

Regardless of my understanding or ability to control, I felt free to bring my weary and melancholy self into God's presence...again. I am, indeed, powerless to truly solve my humanity with all my innate compulsions to defend, affirm and advance myself. The more I try, the more deeply vested and mired is my ego in itself and its addictions.

The whole Christian journey truly seems to be about God lovingly "un-ning" my false ways of navigating life, and inviting me to union with Him. This isn't just belonging - but joining - becoming one with, having my life hidden with; it is the no-longer-I-who-live-but-Christ-who-lives-in-me sort of stuff. It is the marrow of saints and mystics and martyrs and people who take vows of poverty and chastity and preach sermons to birds and care for the dying in the slums of India - right? Or is it the pith of me, you, the ordinary folk in the 21st century living in a glut of impotent spirituality?

I am woefully inadequate (and not to mention way too selfish and controlling) for union. And yet, I both long for and likely subconsciously sabotage this soul yearning in response to Divine Invitation. My inadequacy, at least in this corner of "my" life, ought to be the greatest cause for celebration. And yet, because my eyes are still too much on me, and what others might think of me, I struggle with feeling morose and discouraged.

Once again. Again. And again...Just as I am, I come. And for a brief moment a warm breath dissipates the despair. For a moment. Then once again, again, and again...just as I am, I come. Abiding, centering, veering off, re-centering, hoping to God that God is God...and flavoring me well in the midst of the marinating.

creating unhurried space for the soul
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Hoping to God that God is God - Part III

2011-06-08T03:00:00.001-07:00

It seems like nothing spectacular happened during this time of sitting in silence with God - or perhaps I was on the verge of sleep - who am I to distinguish? I'm told by "dead friends" (medieval monastics and early Desert Fathers and Mothers who write on such things) that whether I feel anything or gain any insight, or not, is not the goal. Letting God do a deep, wordless work is my hope. Indeed, all I can do is hope to God that God is God...and good. Calm and Great; Fierce and gentle; Relentless and Tender.

I usually don't recognize that something happened til later - sort of like the two walking on the road to Emmaus - "Were not our hearts burning.....?" (Luke 24:32) or Jacob awaking from his sleep: "Surely the Lord was in this place and I did not know it." (Gen 28:16). Or how grapes appear from doing nothing much but being connected to the vine or how a flank steak absorbs its teriyaki flavor by marinating for hours on end. Transformation only becomes obvious when I inadvertently notice that I didn't react over-dramatically to something that normally gets my goat. Somehow I absorbed the flavor. Somehow the fruit develops. Somehow I notice that I once merely scurried across the dirt and now have wings to fly. Somehow all heaven and earth are moving in the depths of my soul - and I am unaware of it til later. Hmm, maybe something IS happening as I sit with God. What I don't like about it is that I'm not in control of it.

creating unhurried space for the soul
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For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Hoping to God that God is God - Part II

2011-06-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

I long to belong.

I am scared of belonging.

What does that actually mean anyway? That I'm accepted? Wanted? Fit in? Or am I merely a bona fide card-carrying member because I passed some weird initiations and have a few seminary degrees and certificates and can spout off some odd creeds and Bible verses and look and spend like most of the others who belong to my particular flavor of Christianity?

That I "heard" the God of the Universe say that I belong to Him both thrills and threatens me. But I don't really know all of what this means. Who am I? Meaning I am both in awe and confused. I didn't think that was possible.

Tell me about a time when you were both in awe AND confused at the same time...
What "threatens" you about belonging? How do you prevent yourself from being yourself in your efforts to belong?

creating unhurried space for the soul
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Hoping to God that God is God - Part I

2011-06-03T03:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I attempted to sit in silence with God. I am longing for my heart to be healed and know that unflummoxed peace, confidence, and the lack of defensive and judgmental postures from encountering the world in fear. This can only come as Deep calls to deep and melts away all my ingrained compulsions and lusty attachments. In this I am hoping to God that God is God...and good.

So I sat with Him - or more appropriately, squirmed in my attempt to settle my soul while using the "centering" phrase, "I belong to you" every time there was a "distraction" (only about 6000 times...). A few times I heard (not audibly, but assuredly in my core) in response, "Yes, you belong to me."

Those five words brought simultaneous comfort and terror.

What does "belonging" mean to you?
How do you respond to belonging to God?

creating unhurried space for the soul
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For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Offering some loaves and fishes...

2011-06-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

I've been reading through a compilation of Henri Nouwen's thoughts on Spiritual Direction in a book of that same title. In one of his chapters, he speaks of the importance of writing as a spiritual exercise/discipline to help us "discover what lives in us." Here are some of his thoughts:

"For me, to find God in the word often requires writing. Spiritual writing has a very important place in spiritual formation. Even so, writing is often the source of great pain and anxiety. It is remarkable how hard it is to sit down quietly and trust our own creativity...even after many years of writing, I experience real fear when I face the empty page. Why am I so afraid?

"The writing itself reveals to us what is alive in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey of which we do not know the final destination. Thus, writing requires a great act of trust. We have to say to ourselves: 'I do not yet know what I carry in my heart, but I trust that it will emerge as I write.'

"Writing is like giving away the few loaves and fishes we have, trusting that they will multiply in the giving. Once we dare to 'give away' on paper [or electronic blog] the few thoughts that come to us, we start discovering how much is hidden underneath these thoughts and thus we gradually come in touch with our own riches and resources" (99).

As I have journeyed with Jesus over the past several months, I've encountered spaces and places within my soul that are new to me. The newness presents both a thrill and a threat...and often as I've shared with others what I'm experiencing (mostly a deep unraveling of much of what I thought was important) I get cockeyed looks of concern or meddling formulaic fixes for my seemingly off-kiltered gait. I had one person ask me, "How do you want us to pray specifically for you in the weird place you are in?" As if I wasn't already feeling like a freak - I am tempted to feel out of place: too serious, or arrogant, or perhaps verging on, dare I say, heresy.

So, Henri has challenged me...dared me.

The blank page scares me. Sharing the blank page scares me even more. But do I believe that the few loaves and fishes that I'm stumbling upon - wondering how in the hell they will ever feed me - will somehow, when distributed via the hands of God, more than adequately feed 5000? I am dared to believe, but help my disbelief.

In the Biblical story (Matt 14:15-21) people ate as much as they wanted. It wasn't necessarily measured out equally nor fairly. People took what they wanted. Ate what they wanted. Until they were satisfied. There was no judgment or constraint on how much or little anyone took. At the end of the day the disciples aren't bummed because "So-and-So" didn't get his fair share or that Mrs. Farmer ate more than her fair share and pocketed some rolls. Their job was to distribute the goods. There was no "comment form" to register anonymous complaints. As far as we know, there were none because everyone ate until they were satisfied.

I am sheepish to offer/distribute what I've been given - to open myself up for critique, to be vulnerable, asking questions that I think I "should" know the answers to by now - especially as a career "religious" person. Or to ask questions that will likely make too many waves and/or draw too much attention to me or to those questions that we just don't ask in church. I prefer to wrestle in obscurity. Yet I feel invited, and compelled, to offer the doubt-riddled, inadequate loaves and fishes reflections (actually mostly questions)...about ministry, loneliness, spiritual union with God, women in ministry, spiritual direction, shame, inner healing - all without concern of who eats, how much they eat, if they criticize me for not offering steak and lobster instead and for not cooking their fish to perfection (ha - I don't even like seafood, raw or cooked!). How God multiplies, satisfies and/or unnerves people ... well, that is Her job. (I know - I offered that pesky gender pronoun on purpose...)

Join me on this pilgrimage if you'd like ...please. I am running across too many people who feel alone in the struggle. So, ask your questions with me... offer your loaves and fishes with me...and we'll see how God might just feed us and lead us to discover who we are and what is alive in us, and who we are being invited to become. May we come to discover and live more in touch with the lavish, fully satisfying riches and resources of God in the ordinariness of our daily questions.

creating unhurried space for the soul
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For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

2011-04-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

Easter Wednesday - April 27, 2011

A Meditation from Henri Nouwen

Two of the disciples of Jesus were on their way to a village called Emmaus... Jesus himself came up and walked by their side; but something prevented them from recognizing him... But while he was with them at table he took bread and said the blessing; ...and their eyes were opened and the recognized him. ...They said to each other 'did not our hearts burn within us as he talked to us...?'. (Luke 24)

The resurrection stories reveal the always-present tension between coming and leaving, intimacy and distance, holding and letting go, at-homeness and mission, presence and absence. We face that tension every day. It puts us on the journey to the full realization of the promise given to us.

www.mysoulrefresh.com

Jesus can find us in our dead ends...

2011-04-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

Just as Jesus found the disciples fishing after his resurrection,

Jesus comes to us in our dead ends. Jesus can find us,

even when we’ve tucked ourselves away, in a secluded spot —

feeling ordinary and empty.

~Bonnie Gray

Read John 21 then Selah: Pause and consider this:

What are your seeming "dead ends"?
In what ways are you tucking yourself away - secluding yourself for protection?
In what ways are you feeling ordinary and empty?

Take 3-5 minutes to ask God, "Lord, will you give me your perspective on these places of "stuckness" and "emptiness" in me. How do you feel now, as you emerge from opening your heart to God in this space?

www.mysoulrefresh.com

Living into resurrection

2011-04-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened

in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you,

the riches of his glorious inheritance in his people,

and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted

when he raised Christ from the dead

and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,

far above all rule and authority, power and dominion,

and every name that can be invoked,

not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

The Holy Bible : Today's New International Version. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005), Eph 1:17–21.

What does it mean to live into the resurrection?

For a moment, put yourself in the disciple's shoes - in Peter's shoes. The one of whom he said, "I will never betray you - I'll die for you" did betray his master. Three times, no less. Peter not only suffered through the arduous, guilt-filled hours between his betrayal and Jesus' death...but now, how would he live?

What will we do now? We have followed Jesus for three years - we abandoned our fishing nets to follow and give our lives to our Rabbi. And what just happened.

We are now hiding in a room - afraid the authorities will come after us. All we thought we knew to be true about Messiah has been undone - the One who would never suffer, submit or serve has done all three over the past week...and he's gone.

The disciples went back to fishing. It's what they knew. It was something they "could do" - even though the interior parts of their lives had been radically re-altered by hanging out with Jesus over the past three years. They went back to what was familiar, known, comfortable...they didn't know how to navigate life without their beloved Rabbi...at least not yet.

Resurrection means...

....you emerge as a butterfly - you cannot go back to being a caterpillar.
....you have escaped from Egypt - and that though you are a bit foggy and wandering through a desert based on a seemingly thin Promise of a better land that you cannot see - you need not go back to the comfortably familiar environment of oppression.
....you have been given sight - you no longer need to go out on the street corner to beg for your living. Lean into learning how to live as a "sighted" person.
....you cannot put old wine into new wineskins - otherwise the "container" will burst open...resurrection means being willing to flex, adapt, move with the Spirit who is unpredictable and seemingly sometimes counter-cultural.
... you cannot put Jesus behave how you wish...you let Him lead; you let life flow out of His love within you.
... you are a new creation - the old has gone, the new has come. This isn't "new" like a New Year's resolution - a goal you decide to crank out of your willpower and discipline. This is "newness" that flows out from within as naturally as your body, properly nourished, grows specifically shaped hips and noses and hairlines, skin coloring and freckles.

Let His love - the love of a willing surrender to death on a cross - the love of a resurrected life, invite you forward...not settling...not trying to shove new into old.

Selah:

What are the "new" things God is inviting you to consider?
What are the ways you are tempted to "go back to fishing" - to the things you could do but don't necessarily want to do? What does "fishing" provide for you (security, stability, familiarity etc) that most lures you to go there?
What do you long to be resurrected in your life? Talk to God about that...

Live with courage! He is risen - and as Paul writes:

And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. (1 Co 15:14)

Resurrection Day has finally arrived

2011-04-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

The story ... the Promise... before the curse of the fall was three seconds old, God made a provision.

Joy to the World
He is risen!
hallelujah!

Happy Resurrection Day!

If we didn't know tomorrow was coming...

2011-04-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

The One accused of insurrection (rising up against)

will soon reveal Himself in resurrection (rising up again).

But for those stunned by the violence of His death, the now silent void, the agony of internal regrets, the wilting hope and arduous waiting and futile wondering, this day is hell. Sorrow, ambiguity, second-guessing, denial, replaying the scene over and over again...

"What if we could have done differently?"

"If only we knew...If only I had listened"
"If only I...

...hadn't waited to tell him I love him
...hadn't fought with the others about who was the greatest when he was suffering
...hadn't fallen asleep in prayer
...hadn't deserted him and fled."

Without knowing the end of the story - it'd be easy to be angry at Pilate, the Pharisees, Judas, and even Jesus and God the Father who "willed" such a horrendous obedience. Or anger at myself for all I wish I would have done. Holy Saturday, it seems, is therapeutically designed to give us space to take a real, hard, honest look at our souls, our regrets, the things we wish we would have done differently, the places of unrest in our souls. To live this day knowing and jumping ahead to the end of the story robs us of the sanctifying work of grieving and, in modern AA language, an opportunity to admit our weaknesses as we take an honest, fearless moral inventory of our lives. We placate our pain, and our redemption, by bypassing the tomb.

But today's the day to feel the lostness of my life without him. To honestly admit my struggles - my addictions to knowledge, food, affirmation, comfort, reputation, control, my savings account, privacy, measuring my success by the important and reputable people whom I know, busyness, numbing myself with media (fb, twitter, netflix, email, blogging), red wine and chocolate etc.

It is a day to admit my powerlessness and meager attempts to manage my human condition which prefers to worship me over all else. It is a day to realize how often I live in denial each time I avoid taking a courageous moral inventory because "at least I'm not as bad as him..." It is a day to believe (though, Lord, help my disbelief) that there is a Higher Power, a Greater Plan, a need to hold on to any thread of hope that's left outside of myself.

I'd much rather work in my garden, have a picnic in a park, live life as "normal."

But "normal" isn't an option today.

I can try to deny, hide, justify and rationalize my humanity's foibles...busying myself with something else or say I'll get around to this later or forget all this morbid introspection and jump ahead to the good stuff of tomorrow's victory.

But if I didn't know tomorrow is coming...that tomorrow would bring not only relief, but change everything as I now know it...you, I, would be sober with our reality, the very reality we try to escape by our addictions and busyness. We'd take this day to feel deeply the extent of our misgivings, our questions, our restlessness, our mistakes. The silence of the tomb scares us. A fearless moral inventory is for other addicts...I don't have a problem. I can quit anytime...

But tomorrow will mean nothing, if I do not, today, let the deep scarring within my humanity reveal my need for a Savior. I must be aware of the ways I live in illusions of control, knowledge, and the priorities of my agendas. I need to be willing to surrender my need to know, control and figure out defend and procure a life of my choosing.

On this side of the resurrection I can go there because I know Someone Else knows how to sympathize with my weakness and offers mercy and grace in my time of need. I am not alone. I have no idea how the disciples endured these hours!

If ever there was a time of need, it is when Jesus has seemingly disappeared into a cold, dark, musty grave hewn in the side of a hill...and his followers who gave their all to become like them are left to wonder what life is really about. All those arguments about who would be greatest don't seem so important anymore.

If I do not let my "self" - with all its fears, vulnerabilities, idiosyncrasies, dreams, illusions, preoccupations and ego-driven propensities toward jealousy, winning, being right, protection and control be crucified with Christ - I will not ever experience the reality Paul described in Col 3:3 and Gal 2:20. How can my life be hidden with Christ if I do not let myself die and be crucified with him?

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret,

but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Cor 7:10

or as Eugene Peterson's Message puts it:

"Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation.

We never regret that kind of pain.

But those who let distress drive them away from God

are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets"

If we didn't know tomorrow was coming, we would live today distressed. And the miracle of Christ's resurrection would utterly undo us in the morning, because it would leave us with all our regrets delivered! We would run to the tomb, to see for ourselves, that real life, given to us in His death and resurrection, is our greatest gift! But unless a kernel of wheat dies...it cannot bear fruit (Jn. 12:24).

Where is your distress leading you?

Lord, have mercy;

Christ, have mercy;

Lord, have mercy.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #40

2011-04-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

The quiet...

All of Jerusalem shaken by a trial, a beating, a hanging, an earthquake...

...and darkness...

...and desertion...

...and betrayal...

...and denial...

...and loss...

...and weeping...

...gut wrenchingly trying to wrap ourselves around what just happened...

...and fear.

In the quiet hours since his death we replay what just happened...is this really happening? Is he really gone?

Replay what you witnessed...

Is he really, really gone?

How will we go on? What will life be like without him?

Consider, for a practice between now and Sunday, closing your drapes, using no technology, including only lighting candles for light. How does it feel to lose your friend...your Lord...the Promised One that you thought "come through" so differently? Now what?

Save Yourself! A liturgy for Good Friday

2011-04-22T15:00:00.001-07:00

Reposting from 2009

A Responsive Reading:

NARRATOR:
Two others, also, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with Jesus. And when they came to the place which is called Golgotha (The Skull), there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on the right and one on the left. And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

And they cast lots to divide his garments. And the people stood by, watching; but the rulers scoffed saying,

CROWD
Save yourself! Save yourself!

NARRATOR

And over his head they put the charge against him, which read, “This is Jesus, the King of the Jews.” And those who passed by derided Jesus, wagging their heads and saying,

CROWD:
“You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself! If you are the Son of God come down from the cross. Save yourself! Save yourself!”

NARRATOR:

So also the chief priests, with the scribes and elders, mocked him, saying,

PRIESTS:

“He saved others; he cannot save himself. He is the King of Israel; let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe Him. Save yourself! Save yourself!

NARRATOR:
The soldiers also mocked him coming up and offering him vinegar, and saying,

SOLDIERS

"If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself! Save yourself!"

NARRATOR:

One of the criminals who was crucified with him also reviled him in the same way, saying,

CRIMINAL:
"Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!"

CROWD:

Save yourself! Save yourself! Save yourself!

“Save yourself!”

It is practically a North American mantra! Prove yourselves by defying the odds, overcoming your weaknesses, saving time, money, hassles, pain…

Our iconic American heroes are those who have saved themselves (and therefore have the right to “save” others): Oprah, the Donald, Dr. Phil have all discovered the secrets to riches, success, beauty and a life of maximum leisure. They are the epitome of self-salvation.

Even within the family of faith, why is it that we tend to see God as being “with” those who have testimonies of overcoming trials and temptations and failures, but we don’t see God “with” those who are willfully letting their flesh be put to death? Those who are in a counter-cultural stream of surrender may, just as Christ did on the cross, look like a dismal failure for not “saving themselves.”

“Save yourself” – do what it takes to be smart enough, self-sufficient enough, pretty enough not to be mocked nor taken advantage of.

“Save yourself” = prove yourself sufficient, adequate, worthy, powerful, capable, smart, and even lovable. If you can save yourself, then I can follow you.

Why do we mock and ridicule the poor, the uneducated and those who look and act different than us? Could it be we are accusing them of not being smart enough, hard-working enough, and sufficient enough to save themselves unlike the way we have?

New Year’s resolutions – millions of people every year resolve to “save themselves” by organizing, exercising, eliminating debt, pounds, those extra pairs of shoes in the back corner of the closet, as well as unhealthy habits. But will they/we let God save them/us? Will they/we say, “Not my will of personal salvation, but yours be done!”

God never ever says, “Save yourself!”

Amazon.com has almost 58,000 self-help titles in their library. If you read one book a day, it’d take you nearly 159 years to read them all.

Does anyone see the irony in this mocking cry?

God never ever says, “Save yourself!”

But He invites us, “Come to me to live. Die to self, and you will gain abundant life!”

Personal Meditation

Look at Matthew 27:27-44

Consider: God’s solution for salvation.

Pray: Lord, let me accept Your death for my salvation.

Repent: Lord, these are the ways I try to save myself…

Trust: Lord, these are the ways I will trust you to save me…

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #39

2011-04-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take three deep breaths -

On inhale say, "Not my will"

On exhale say, "but yours be done."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of how you feel.
As you consider uniting your life with God's will,

what emotions, pictures, current events come to your mind and heart.

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

When Jesus said, "I am he" the soldiers all fall to the ground...

Read John 18: 1-8

¹HAVING SAID these things, Jesus went out with His disciples beyond (across) the winter torrent of the Kidron [in the ravine]. There was a garden there, which He and His disciples entered.
    ²And Judas, who was betraying Him and delivering Him up, also knew the place, because Jesus had often retired there with His disciples.
    ³So Judas, obtaining and taking charge of the band of soldiers and some guards (attendants) of the high priests and Pharisees, came there with lanterns and torches and weapons.
    ⁴Then Jesus, knowing all that was about to befall Him, went out to them and said, Whom are you seeking? [Whom do you want?]
    ⁵They answered Him, Jesus the Nazarene. Jesus said to them, I am He. Judas, who was betraying Him, was also standing with them.
    ⁶When Jesus said to them, I am He, they went backwards (drew back, lurched backward) and fell to the ground.
    ⁷Then again He asked them, Whom are you seeking? And they said, Jesus the Nazarene.
    ⁸Jesus answered, I told you that I am He. So, if you want Me [if it is only I for Whom you are looking], let these men go their way.

As I think about God's love demonstrated to me during his last week of life, this scene is one that stirs awe in my soul. I've visited Israel - and the Garden of Gethsemene is just across from Jerusalem through a narrow little valley. Surely the detachment of soldiers sent with lanterns and torches (some commentators estimate up to 200 soldiers were on their way) could be easily seen by Jesus as the soldiers marched their way toward him. Jesus could have easily slipped away over the Mt. of Olives into oblivion.

Instead, Jesus, now betrayed by a kiss from Judas, goes straight out to the troops and says, "Who is it you are seeking?"

They answer, "Jesus of Nazareth"

He answers, "I am he."

I am he - I am. The very name of God. And at the very name of God being spoken into this moment, the soldiers were knocked over and fell to the ground. Two words...I am.

Then, comically, he asks them again. You'd think they would have high-tailed it out of there. You'd think having Jesus speak two tiny, little words, "I am" that flattened them on their backsides would have made them think twice about answering again. But they do...perhaps this time with a stutter:

This time Jesus says it again - but without the previous display of power. "If you want me, let these men go."

How does this demonstrate Jesus' love and power?

He doesn't run away when given the opportunity.
Fully knowing all that will befall him, he lets himself be betrayed by a kiss, but not without letting Judas know exactly what he is doing.
He exerts his authority, yet does not usurp his arrest.
He asks for his beloved disciples to be "let go" (even though they deserted him and fled.)

What else do you notice?

On this, Good Friday, the day Jesus is arrested and soon to be tortured, mocked, spit upon, beaten, falsely accused, abandoned and hung on a cross... thank him for his willing obedient love.

Then take 3-5 minutes in paying attention to how your heart wants to respond Jesus' love for you.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God to give you the grace to embrace his sacrificial love for you.

Amen.

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Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #38

2011-04-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take three deep breaths -

On inhale say, "Not my will"

On exhale say, "but yours be done."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of how you feel.
As you consider uniting your life with God's will,

what emotions, pictures, current events come to your mind and heart.

Tell God honestly how you feel about offering your heart fully to Him...

your fears, longings, what you hope for, what you're hesitant to believe.

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Jesus, agonizing in prayer in the garden.

Look at the picture...as you consider Jesus, the night he would be betrayed with a kiss, handed over to mockery, humiliation, scorn, false accusations, beatings and death, what do you notice in this picture?

Ask God, "Lord, what do you want me to pay attention to?"

Let there be silence...take heed of what you're drawn to...pay attention to what comes to your mind/heart.

Now ask God, "Lord, how does this connect to my current life circumstances?"

Again - let there be silence, paying attention to what current or past events, people or issues come to the forefront of your mind. Embrace whatever comes and ask God, "Grant me the eyes to see/know the connection."

Finally, "Lord, what are you inviting me toward?"

Then take 3-5 minutes in paying attention to how your heart wants to respond to God's invitation via this picture/story of Him in the garden.
What might you like to say to God in response.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God to give you the grace to open your heart and life toward His heart,
no matter the cost.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #37

2011-04-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take three deep breaths -

On inhale say, "Not my will"

On exhale say, "but yours be done."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you consider uniting your life tell God honestly how you feel

about offering your heart fully to Him...

your fears, longings, what you hope for, what you're hesitant to believe.

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:
Read the following out loud - pausing for a breath at the end of each comma or period.

³²Then they went to a place called Gethsemane, and He said to His disciples, Sit down here while I pray.
    ³³And He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be struck with terror and amazement and deeply troubled and depressed.
    ³⁴And He said to them, My soul is exceedingly sad (overwhelmed with grief) so that it almost kills Me! Remain here and keep awake and be watching.
    ³⁵And going a little farther, He fell on the ground and kept praying that if it were possible the [fatal] hour might pass from Him.
    ³⁶And He was saying, Abba, [which means] Father, everything is possible for You. Take away this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You [will].
Mark 14: 32-36 (Amplified)

What words capture your attention as you read this?
What emotions arise in you as you read this?
How do you want to respond? Is there resistance to enter the scene? Amazement? Sadness?

Where does Jesus learn to pray, "Not my will, but yours be done?" Surely we can play the "Well, he's God" card. It is easy to assume that it was an easy prayer for him because he's God. The description of this garden scene tell us otherwise.

"Struck with terror and amazement"

"Deeply troubled and depressed"

"Exceedingly sad (overwhelmed with grief)"

"Take away this cup...yet not what I will, but what You will"

But his prayer sounds suspiciously like someone else's - prayed over three decades earlier. When confronted with an opportunity to trust God in a radical, life re-orienting way, Jesus' own mother, Mary, prays, "May it be to me as you have said."

Did Jesus learn how to surrender by watching his mother's prayer life? Even in "The Lord's prayer" he teaches his disciples to say, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Personally, though I know Jesus is God, in his humanness, he had to learn to pray. I think he learned it from his mama. I think his ability to agonizingly surrender in a radical, life (and death) re-orienting way, was modeled for him. And thankfully, he caught it and incorporated it into his entire life and ministry! Moment by moment the little "surrenders" leading him to this big one.

Then take 3-5 minutes in paying attention to how your heart wants to respond to Jesus.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, think of someone who has modeled prayer or surrender to you.
Write him/her a note of thanks for their example.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

If you are enjoying these posts and would like to make a tax-deductible donation toward reFresh ministries, click here

All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #36 -

2011-04-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take three deep breaths -

On inhale say, "Not my will"

On exhale say, "but yours be done."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of how you feel.
Are you eager, tired, distracted, joyful, full of doubt, dry?
Believing that He welcomes and loves you just as you are, not as you think you should be,
present your "just as I am" self honestly before God:

"Here I am Lord...no pretense...no demands...

open my heart to trust Your love."

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Mark 14: 9-11
And surely I tell you, wherever the good news (the Gospel) is proclaimed in the entire world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.
¹⁰Then Judas Iscariot, who was one of the Twelve [apostles], went off to the chief priests in order to betray and hand Him over to them.
¹¹And when they heard it, they rejoiced and were delighted, and they promised to give him money. And he [busying himself continually] sought an opportunity to betray Him.

The woman who anoints Jesus -

it is the only time Jesus says someone has done something beautiful for him.
It is the only time Jesus says of someone with whom He interacts, "What she has done will be told alongside the good news..."
She did what she could - and it was considered "foolish" (1 Cor 1:18)

Shocking, the contrast presented us in verse 10:

"Then Judas Iscariot...

the one who scolded her for her wasteful indulgence (John 12:4);
the one who was holding back funds (John 12:6)...
the one known as "The Betrayer" ...

....went off to the chief priests to betray him..."

The woman at His feet - kissing and anointing him.

Judas - who would soon have the Messiah washing His feet - preparing to betray Jesus with a kiss.

Oh the irony.

And when they - the chief priests - heard that one of Jesus' closest disciples would betray Jesus, they rejoiced and were delighted. The delight at capturing another human being because of their own insecurities and power-hungry souls.

Beauty or betrayal - in what ways will we do both of these week as we turn our attention to Jesus on His way to suffering and death on a cross?

Then take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen to what He might want to say to you.
What might you like to say to God in response.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God to make you aware of the ways

over the next 24 hours that you might bring Him a beautiful sacrifice. Also, ask Him to show you, even in subtle ways of attitude or action, how you are tempted to and/or actually betray Him.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #35

2011-04-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

At the beginning of Jesus' ministry, he heard his Father's words:

"You are my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased."
(Mark 1:11)

Sit for 5 minutes repeating, "Jesus, you are the beloved..."
Every time your thoughts get distracted, come back to center your soul with this phrase - adoring him, turning your attention to him.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

Several places in the Bible also tell us that we are God's beloved children (Rom 8: 15-17; 1 Jn 3:1) and that nothing can separate us from His love (Rom 8:38-39).

So, for the next five minutes, gently repeat the truth: "Jesus, I am your beloved son/daughter..."

Pay attention to any internal, cynical "yea, but's" that you make: "Yea, but, I really haven't...I should...I'm not sure...if only I was more...." etc.

For each "yea, but..." whisper, "I am Your beloved, and nothing that I feel in this moment can separate me from your love."

Take note of how you are able to embrace or how you resist this truth. What happened as your perception of yourself encountered God's perception of you?

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Read Mark 14:3–53And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. 4There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that? 5For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they scolded her.

If you recall, Blind Bartemaeus was scolded for screaming impolitely for Jesus. Now we have a woman busting into a "good ol' boys' dinner and making a scene by pouring out her costly perfume on Jesus.

As you read the verses above again - imagine yourself in the story. What would it feel like to walk into a room of men reclining at the dinner table. What would it smell like? How would you feel? Pay attention to your body as you imagine yourself in the scene - either watching or being the woman or being someone watching her. Did your pulse quicken? Are you tense anywhere? Breathing differently? Ask God, "What is it that is making me respond this way?"

What do you notice as you imagine yourself in that scene? How does the "vibe" of others indignation and scolding stir you? How do you want to respond?

Now read the rest of the story - Mark 14: 6-9 - imagining yourself hearing Jesus' words about you.

6But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me. 8She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial. 9And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.”

Again, imagine yourself hearing Jesus' defense of you. How does that feel? Are you able to embrace that your actions, though scolded, are beautiful? Again, pay attention to your body as you hear Jesus interact with you - or watch Him interact with the woman in the scene. Is your body different? The same? How so?

As you engage with this scene, what in your own life did it stir up in you?

Take 3-5 minutes and listen to what God has to say to you re: how this connects to your current life/circumstances.

Now, breathe deeply and ask God, "In what simple ways have I done beautiful things to you?"

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God to help you "to do what you can" - no more, no less - as you seek ways to demonstrate your gratitude for Him this week.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter - Palm Sunday Sabbath

2011-04-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lent is 40 days not including Sundays...Welcome to the sixth Sunday in Lent.

           Thank GOD because he’s good,
                 because his love never quits.
                 Tell the world, Israel,
                 “His love never quits.”
Psalm 118:1-2

Selah: Pause and consider this...

He is good not because he does stuff the way we want (like triumphantly entering in to Jerusalem on our hoorays of hope that he has come to save the day and right all our wrongs.) He is good, even when two days from now, the joyous celebration I feel for him is absent. He is good, even when I will consider the ways I've betrayed him. He is good and his love NEVER quiets! Hallelujah, indeed!

Enjoy pausing today - and worshiping with your local community of faith. How have you experienced his love this past week? How do you need to experience his love "never quitting" in your current life circumstances?

Enjoy a reFreshing Sabbath!

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #34

2011-04-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

"Excessive busyness, particularly in the service of a good cause,
is an effective way of hiding from God
and from our own deepest self.”
Margaret Guenther

So, we've come to the sixth Saturday in Lent - is your weekend excessively busy with things you are looking forward to or things you are dreading? In what ways do you think busyness in your life contributes to your hiding from God and self?

Take a few minutes and ask God and listen: "Lord, how do you want me (and my family) to cooperate with you this weekend?"

Today - rather than a devotional thought for Lent, consider gently "acting" upon some truth God has revealed to you so far this week:

What is something creative you've done or want to do? Join with a friend and talk about creative things you hope to do this year.
Enjoy a "tech fast" for 24 hours - no TV, radios, google maps, internet or phone calls.
What has being honest with yourself about your emotions revealed to you about you? About God? Share this with one person you trust.
Express bodily how you are feeling. Are you angry? Go chop some wood! Are you joyful? Crank up a family favorite and have a dance in your living room together? Are you sad? Ask someone you love to hold you.
Start a family list of all the ways in which you have seen God's goodness and faithfulness. Perhaps each morning at breakfast, or at dinner, or before bed, share your "sightings" of God. Record them and revisit them when you feel like you are struggling.
How are you seeing your life affected by your spending time leaning into God's heart? What is different than a month ago? Share this with a friend.
Is there any suffering in your own or someone's life that you're avoiding?
Take 10 minutes to stand outside with your hands "open" - asking God to help you live open-handedly.

Enjoy - and I'd love to hear how God prompts you toward action...please post a comment!

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #33

2011-04-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Think of a recent "stress" - it might be vocational, relational, financial, personal, medical etc...

Clench your hands as if you're holding onto that stress. As you tighten your fists, pay attention to where you feel the stress in your body. Is it manifesting somewhere besides your fists?

Notice your breathing - as you think about this stress, what parts of your body "tighten" - does your heart beat faster?

Now, take a few minutes and imagine God walking toward you. What is He inviting you to do with your burden?

Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale, slowly release your hands:

"Lord, I consent to your love and care today."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you imagine God coming toward you and as you release your grip on your burdens, what else are you feeling? How would you describe to Him your "just-as-I-am" self? Take a moment, and without any pretense or masks or candy coating, tell God how you feel. Maybe even consider expressing it bodily (i.e. do you feel happy - get up and dance a little jig; are you angry? Slam your fist into a pillow. etc)

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

¹ You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. ² Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. ³ So when you, a mere human, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? ⁴ Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Romans 2: 1-4

During this Lent season I've been very convicted about my judgmentalism...it is especially evident when I'm behind the wheel of the car. I can't believe what other people do (drive into "my" lane to avoid hitting a pedestrian (that's good) and nearly killing me (that's not so good). Why doesn't that person just slow down until it's clear? A few miles later - I do the same thing. Sheesh.

I have caught myself judging the people I'm standing next to in the checkout line, the neighbors who smoke like a chimney, the weather forecasters, the others sitting around me in church, and lock my door when I see a "sketchy" looking character walking my way. Such arrogance. No, I'm not committing murder or adultery - but these little things evidence the insecurity of my soul. These judgments condemn me at worst, but convince me that I'm not as needy of a Savior as her...as him...as them... In essence, they evidence my unawareness of His Kindness toward me.

A significant point of Jesus' death and resurrection is that my life must be radically reoriented - not just in the big things. Not just in me going to church, tithing, being involved in ministry and being moral on the "big" issues. But these little judgments of my soul - how they reveal a subtle but cancerous contempt for (trifle with) the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience. I am walled away from Him and others as a result.

How does this radical reorientation (toward Him) happen?
How might I embrace His kindness today?
Do I even want to have His kindness radically reorient my life?
Take a moment to imagine yourself being free of the need to make judgments...unflustered by others' "idiocy" or not needing to measure your own superiority (or inferiority) based on your assumptions of others. What does that feel like? What words describe living that way?

Take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen to what He might be inviting you toward in regard to embracing His kindnesses toward repentance (turning toward Him).

Pray to God your heart's response.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God for the grace to notice when you are judging others - turning quickly to embrace His kindness and live without the need to defend your ego.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #32

2011-04-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

How have you been able to sense God welcoming you over the last 24 hours?

In what ways has this opened your heart to trust His love?

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take a clear glass of water...

swirl it a few times, set it down and watch it settle.

As you do, pray God would settle your own soul.

If any distractions (to-do's, people, etc) come, simply utter,

"Lord, settle my soul"

and refocus.

Once you feel more settled, move on.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of how you feel.

With what is your heart most preoccupied?

Quietly lift this preoccupation into His hands and pray:

"Help me to be open to what you want to reveal to me today
about your real self and about my real self."

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

"If God is fundamentally a creator, then whatever would destroy creative work or keep us from it is not of God." - Sara Zarr

I have been madly involved in creative work - a kitchen remodel including tiling/grouting a wall and painting my countertops! You could say that I have been busily resurrecting my kitchen - it has pleased my creative bent more than I can say - a deep satisfaction in expressing myself and making it flow together has connected me to my Creator in a delightful way.

God, our Creator, invites us to be creatively involved with His work.

God, as Creator, creatively came up with a renovation plan for humanity - Jesus' death and resurrection. He laid out a plan for this renovation - before the curse was 3 seconds old, God had a plan to restore His people unto Himself. It would be costly - but the end result would be worth the "sweat" equity. And over a couple millenia, God put the pieces together, all leading toward the cross and resurrection! Brilliant and beautiful creativity at its best!

In what ways do you find joy in expressing your creativity? Cooking? Gardening? Art? Music? Writing? Scrap booking? Auto repair? How you organize stuff? Helping others learn? Woodworking? Crocheting? etc.
What is it you like about that?
Is there anything keeping you from partaking in it?
How might you use a creative project as a reminder to thank God for His creative "solution" of redeeming you through his death and resurrection?

Take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen to how God delights in your creativity.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

Take note of how you feel after interacting with God over creativity.
In what do you sense God is inviting you to express your creativity this week?
How do you want to respond to God as you leave this space?
Ask God for the grace to creatively engage with life - bringing beauty and new life as you go.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #31

2011-04-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take three deep breaths -

On inhale say, "Not my will"

On exhale say, "but yours be done."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of how you feel. Are you eager, tired, distracted, joyful, full of doubt, dry?
Believing that He welcomes and loves you just as you are, not as you think you should be,
present your "just as I am" self honestly before God:

"Here I am Lord...no pretense...no demands...

open my heart to trust Your love."

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

"We judge the fruitfulness of prayer by how we live, not by how we feel in prayer."

Katherine Dyckman S.N.J.M. and Patric Carroll S.J.

We have spent over 30 days with unhurried attentiveness to God in prayer. For a moment, reflect how paying attention to God in these moments over these past weeks - how quieting your heart, how opening your hear to trust his love - has effected how you "live." What are you experiencing in your days that is emerging from your choice to be with him in these moments of listening prayer?

Then take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen:
As God, "How has this time spent seeking you effected how I live?" What are you inviting me to notice?

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God to help you pay attention in thought, word and deed to how He is leading. How are you aware of "reacting" differently in your daily life as a result of carving out space to be with Him?

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #30

2011-04-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Grab a blanket or shawl and wrap it around your shoulders.
Imagine this is God's love, enfolding you.
Sit, or walk, pulling the blanket tighter.
Pay attention to how you feel as you sense His presence around you.

Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale,
"Lord, your love surrounds me."

Write down one word or short phrase of how you feel as you come to this time.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

In many of the Psalms, the writer is overcome with praise at God's amazing work. Then, in an instant, he is filled with anger, hatred, loathing, fretfulness, questioning. "How long, O Lord, how Long?" Do you have any seeming contradictory thoughts and feelings today? Frustration and Gratitude? Overwhelmed, yet secure? How do you feel as you honestly open your heart to God today?

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:
Read
Mark 10:31-37

But many [who are now] first will be last [then], and many [who are now] last will be first [then].

They were on the way going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking on in front of them; and they were bewildered and perplexed and greatly astonished, and those [who were still] following were seized with alarm and were afraid. And He took the Twelve [apostles] again and began to tell them what was about to happen to Him,    [Saying], Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be turned over to the chief priests and the scribes; and they will condemn and sentence Him to death and turn Him over to the Gentiles.
    And they will mock Him and spit on Him, and whip Him and put Him to death; but after three days He will rise again [from death].
    And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, approached Him and said to Him, Teacher, we desire You to do for us whatever we ask of You.
    And He replied to them, What do you desire Me to do for you?
    And they said to Him, Grant that we may sit, one at Your right hand and one at [Your] left hand, in Your glory (Your majesty and splendor).

This is the third time Jesus reveals to his disciples what lies ahead for him. This is the third time they are unable to "handle" or be present with him in his pain.

Read the passage again - and imagine what it would be like to hear Jesus talking about his death to you. What emotions do you have?

Sit for a moment and take in the scene - how do you feel.

Read the passage again. Slowly.

As you continue to journey toward Jesus' death and resurrection - how difficult is it to stay present to His suffering? What would you rather talk to him about?

Take 3-5 minutes in silence. What God might want to say to you.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

Do you feel differently than how you came into this time? How so? or not?
How do you want to respond?

As you leave this space, ask God to help you be aware of His desires - even in the midst of your own aspirations.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #29

2011-04-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Light a candle to echo your heart prayer:

"God of light, please shine in the darkness."

Take a few deep breaths and listen to the sound the candle makes...
Ask the Lord to fill you with a gentle, steady light.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of what feels noisy in your life/world?
Is it internal, or external?
What part of your life is noisily demanding your attention? (Is it vocational noise? relational noise? conscience noise? financial noise? busyness noise? health noise? etc)

How do you feel about that "noisy" part of your life?

Take a few breaths and pray...

"Here I am Lord...come and quiet me with Your Love..." (Zeph. 3.17)

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

"What deadens us most to God's presence within, I think,

is the inner dialogue that we are engaged in within ourselves,

the endless chatter of human thought.

I suspect that there is nothing more crucial to true spiritual comfort

than being able from time to time to stop the chatter,

including the chatter of spoken prayer"

Frederick Buechner

For the next 5 minutes - set a timer. This is so you won't have internal chatter about when is this five minutes going to be over....

Take a few deep breaths - and be still. If a to-do or a person or a thought comes floating across your brain quietly utter, "God of light," as you inhale and "Please shine in me." This will help refocus your heart to God alone.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

How was that time? Distracted? Calming? Did you hear anything?
If there was silence, how did it effect your soul? Your body? Your emotions?
If you had to use your phrase multiple times, rejoice that you chose to center your soul on Him in these moments. Each time you did, you were loving Him!
As you leave this space, ask God for the grace to re-center your soul in the midst of the normal frenzy of your day.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter - Sabbath day #5

2011-04-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lent is 40 days not including Sundays...Welcome to the fourth Sunday in Lent.

Selah: Pause and consider this...

Enjoy pausing today - and worshiping with your local community of faith. Enjoy a leisurely meal with a neighbor, enjoy a day of not spending any money (i.e. no running around doing errands, buying groceries etc - just use what you have), turn off or restrict the TV, call a friend and ask them to share what is occupying their heart these days, anonymously give a gift card or donation to someone you know in need.

Enjoy a reFreshing Sabbath!

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #28

2011-04-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

"Excessive busyness, particularly in the service of a good cause,
is an effective way of hiding from God
and from our own deepest self.”
Margaret Guenther

So, we've come to the fifth Saturday in Lent - is your weekend excessively busy with things you are looking forward to or things you are dreading? In what ways do you think busyness in your life contributes to your hiding from God and self?

Take a few minutes and ask God and listen: "Lord, how do you want me (and my family) to cooperate with you this weekend?"

Today - rather than a devotional thought for Lent, consider gently "acting" upon some truth God has revealed to you so far this week:

How might you intentionally linger and frolic with a child this weekend? In what ways do you experience God's welcome as you do?
Enjoy a "tech fast" for 24 hours - no TV, radios, google maps, internet or phone calls.
What has being honest with yourself about your emotions revealed to you about you? About God? Share this with one person you trust.
Express bodily how you are feeling. Are you angry? Go chop some wood! Are you joyful? Crank up a family favorite and have a dance in your living room together? Are you sad? Ask someone you love to hold you.
Start a family list of all the ways in which you have seen God's goodness and faithfulness. Perhaps each morning at breakfast, or at dinner, or before bed, share your "sightings" of God. Record them and revisit them when you feel like you are struggling.
Share with a friend something difficult that you feel you can't escape from. Ask them to be with you in silence (vs. giving a pep talk or trying to convince you to feel differently.)
Pick an activity with a friend that integrates work, play and love - volunteer to make a meal for a neighbor, or to finish cleaning out a garage interspersed with a fun "reward" when you're finished.
Take 10 minutes to stand outside with your hands "open" - asking God to help you live open-handedly.

Enjoy - and I'd love to hear how God prompts you toward action...please post a comment!

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #27

2011-04-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale,
"Lord, your love surrounds me."

Write down one word or short phrase of how you feel as you come to this time.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:
Read
John 7:1-2, 10, 25-30

After this Jesus went about in Galilee. He did not wish to go about in Judea because the Jews were looking for an opportunity to kill him. Now the Jewish festival of Booths was near.
But after his brothers had gone to the festival, then he also went, not publicly but as it were in secret.
Is This the Christ? Now some of the people of Jerusalem were saying, 'Is not this the man whom they are trying to kill? And here he is, speaking openly, but they say nothing to him! Can it be that the authorities really know that this is the Messiah? Yet we know where this man is from; but when the Messiah comes, no one will know where he is from.' Then Jesus cried out as he was teaching in the temple, 'You know me, and you know where I am from. I have not come on my own. But the one who sent me is true, and you do not know him. I know him, because I am from him, and he sent me.' Then they tried to arrest him, but no one laid hands on him, because his hour had not yet come.

One thing is certain about Jesus - people are divided about him - always trying to figure him out. Is he really trustworthy? But he's not behaving how we expected - surely the Messiah wouldn't be from Nazareth! And, when He is audacious with words, words that feel threatening to the established status-quo contemporary theological thinking and way of living - people want to arrest him, plot to kill him, yell out against him.

What are the current controversies about Jesus? What are the controversies in your own heart about him?

Take 3-5 minutes - and listen to the Shepherd say to your heart: "You know me..." In what ways does he attend to you in the midst of your own controversies and questions?

Take 3-5 minutes in silence. What God might want to say to you.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

Do you feel differently than how you came into this time? How so? or not?
How do you want to respond?

As you leave this space, ask God to help you be aware of His Presence even in the midst of the questions and controversies you have in your life

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #26

2011-04-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take three deep breaths -

On inhale say, "Not my will"

On exhale say, "but yours be done."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of how you feel. Are you eager, tired, distracted, joyful, full of doubt, dry?
Believing that He welcomes and loves you just as you are, not as you think you should be,
present your "just as I am" self honestly before God:

"Here I am Lord...no pretense...no demands...

open my heart to trust Your love."

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said,

“Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

He took a little child whom he placed among them.

Taking the child in his arms, he said to them,

“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me;

and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

The Holy Bible : Today's New International Version. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005), Mk 9:35–37.

Jesus is ever patient with the disciples' inability to connect to and be with him as he walks toward his impending suffering. As the twelve argue about who is going to be greatest, Jesus uses the moment to extend an invitation. "First equals last. Leader equals servant. Welcome the child...you welcome God."

Pretty clear and simple. But just a few verses later:

People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them,

but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant.

He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,

for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child

will never enter it.”

And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

The Holy Bible : Today's New International Version. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005), Mk 10:13–16.

It is easy on this side of the story to criticize the disciples. How could they just hear Jesus talk about welcoming children...and then rebuke people bringing children to Jesus? What kept them from hearing and entering into these moments with their Master? But likely, I'd have joined right in for lack of understanding and lack of desire to have my perceived "greatness" diminished. Upsidedown from everything my culture teaches!

What keeps me from hearing and entering into moments with my Master? Did his ongoing discussion of his impending death throw them off? Why did they feel the need to "protect" Jesus from this onslaught of children? What is going on inside of them that they cannot connect to what Jesus is inviting them toward?

Then take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen: What has Jesus revealed to you lately that you would rather ignore? Ask him, "What is my core fear? Of what am I unwilling to let go?"
How does He welcome you toward Himself? What is He inviting you toward?

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God to help you pay attention in thought, word and deed to how He is leading. Look for people you might welcome - regardless of your own agenda, lists, needs, distractions. How does it feel to set aside your own "greatness" to welcome another?

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #25

2011-04-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Think of a recent "stress" - it might be vocational, relational, financial, personal, medical etc...

Clench your hands as if you're holding onto that stress. As you tighten your fists, pay attention to where you feel the stress in your body. Is it manifesting somewhere besides your fists?

Notice your breathing - as you think about this stress, what parts of your body "tighten" - does your heart beat faster?

Now, take a few minutes and imagine God walking toward you. What is He inviting you to do with your burden?

Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale, slowly release your hands:

"Lord, I consent to your love and care today."

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Jesus Predicts His Death a Second Time

30They left that place and passed through Galilee.

Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were,

31because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them,

“The Son of Man is going to be delivered over to human hands.

He will be killed, and after three days he will rise.”

32But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.

The Holy Bible : Today's New International Version. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005), Mk 9:30–32.

Jesus, for the second time, tells his disciples about his impending death and resurrection. He has pulled them aside so that they will not be distracted from the ongoing demands of the crowds. He wanted their full attention because he wanted to teach them about his suffering and rising.

They were not distracted by the needs of the ministry - but they were distracted by their own hearts. The disciples did not understand and so they didn't risk speaking up and looking foolish or perhaps having Jesus rebuke them again like he did to Peter the first time Jesus told them about his death. Why was he bringing this up again? This was a topic better left unchallenged, pushed aside. Do we really have to talk about this death stuff teacher?

So what did they do instead?

33They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them,

“What were you arguing about on the road?”

34But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

The Holy Bible : Today's New International Version. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005), Mk 9:33–34.

Evidently, rather than ask Jesus about his death and what "rising again" meant, they chose, instead, to argue about who is the greatest. Classic deflection. Brilliant avoidance. Perhaps the only better strategy would have been to talk about who would win the World Cup - but that hadn't come into being yet.

The dynamics of these scenes are sad to me. Sad mostly, because of the fear that isolates: Jesus is left to think about his suffering alone. And frustrating because the disciples avoided questions that could have possibly transformed them on the spot. Instead, they resort to immature bantering and ego-posturing.

I am not too dissimilar. I can count many times in which when I have been confronted with something I didn't understand, or flat out didn't want to hear or deal with. But because of my fear, ego, or protectiveness, I zip my lip. Rather than ask and live into questions that might not have answers (but will transform me merely in the living of them), I resort to other activities that might bolster my confidence and ego - like arguing with others about who was the greatest. Or changing the topic...or giving an inspiring little pep talk to encourage the other to think more positively, to pull up their boot straps or take a deep breath, "cuz it'll all work out for the good." Coincidentally, I don't ever see/hear God giving pep talks in the Bible.

Recently I shared a topic that was tender to my soul - about some confusion I'm experiencing as I encounter a new season in my walk with God. I shared some doubts and some fears...and I felt like others were looking at me with great concern - maybe even wondering why I should even be in ministry. One person started to affix a Scriptural band-aid about God's sufficiency in my weakness. Not really helpful to hear - in fact, I felt more alone and misunderstood. Another came in with a pep talk, "You must never believe that, you know God is good...and He'll hold you up." There were no questions about how I felt about being in this place...no one willing to sit in the confusion with me or just say, "I love you." Then, when my allotted sharing time was up, we turned to the next person: "so, Suzy (not a real person involved) how can we pray specifically for you?" Suzy didn't say much. And the topic abruptly changed: "Aren't you sick of this weather....?"

Why is it so difficult to be present with pain? Why do I choose silence when I cannot understand? Why am I afraid I'll be overwhelmed by it? Mostly, because I don't want to show any ignorance. And I don't like being out of control. And it is far too often about my own ego wanting to be in control or having answers or able to fix it. Truth is, I cannot be present with another's pain unless I can be free of my own ego needing to be right, smart, or acknowledged. And fear of not understanding another's pain makes me feel out of control and not very useful - neither of which are called for to come alongside one who is suffering. In other words, when I am suffering, or wandering, or pondering things outside the box of the "tidy" and sanitized version of Christianity that God seems to be inviting me to explore, I do not need you to try and fix or control me. I want you to grab my hand, open your ears and listen. Just be with me.

I wonder how much Jesus longed for that. Instead, he encountered a fearful bunch unable to share with him as he courageously walked toward this painful future.

The disciples are afraid because they do not know. Oh how our not knowing disables us. It is easier to turn a deaf ear then to really pay attention and enter the messy fray. In their fear they turn to frivolous banter but I don't blame them...I see myself in them far more than I care to admit. But I want to learn, better, how to be present to my own and others' sufferings in a way so as to provide safety and welcome even when nothing gets "fixed" or "solved" or "answered."

I find that I want to skip past these "suffering" meditations and get on to the resurrection. Yes, the resurrection is coming, but without staying in the angst of the suffering - which seems to be one of the few things in life that truly diminishes my ego and all it's protectiveness and frivolity - I will merely skim life and be more lonely - unable to be present to God, myself and others.

Imagine yourself in this scene - Jesus wants to tell you something difficult.

How do you want to respond to Jesus' words?

How do you feel about the disciples' response - have you ever responded like them?

Have you ever had others respond to you like them?

What fear might have been at the core of the response (either by you or others)?

What suffering are you currently enduring - in what ways is it helping to diminish your ego?

Take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen to what He might be inviting you toward.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God for the grace to be present to your own and others' difficulties without skipping to "lighter" less painful topics. Pay attention to how you are able to be present to yourself, God and others or how you "avoid" this when it's difficult.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #24

2011-04-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Light a candle to echo your heart prayer:

"God of light, please shine in the darkness."

Take a few deep breaths and listen to the sound the candle makes...
Ask the Lord to fill you with a gentle, steady light.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

"Here I am Lord...come and quiet me with Your Love..." (Zeph. 3.17)

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Jesus asks a simple question:

"Who do people say that I am?"

“Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
Peter answered, “You are the Messiah.”

Mark 8: 27-29

The very next verse, after Peter's high and holy declaration of Jesus being Messiah, Jesus begins to teach his disciples how he will soon suffer. Peter, who just decidedly declared Jesus as the Messiah, now decidedly rebukes Jesus for talking about suffering. And from his perspective, rightly so. As a good Jewish boy, Peter was taught the Messiah would never suffer, never submit and never serve. In one sentence Peter declares Jesus as Messiah - in the next He is rebuking the Messiah.

More often than not, I find my faith as fickle as Peter's. One minute I feel able to fling out my whole life in complete abandoned trust of God. I sing about how much I want to love and follow Him in full surrender and I earnestly pray for a life of love and generosity and trust, opening my hands and heart and life to Him with sincerity. Then two hours (or sometimes twenty minutes) later I can't even have patience with the "idiot" who cuts in front of me in traffic! I withhold stopping to listen to my elderly neighbor because I'm in a hurry to get to my Bible Study. On a whim I justify spending money that I sensed that God was asking me to share with the hungry on a new book - that will go into a lineup of about six new books that will help me to become a better minister.

Peter gives me hope. Peter who has such great and boisterous faith...fails boldly...often... And we who've read the story know there are more failures to come for Peter. Though in some moments Jesus' words to Peter are harsh and shocking...overall, even Peter's bold failures are unable to mess up Jesus' love for him.

Lord, in the midst of the ongoing contradictions

of my desired and actual faith,

Have mercy.

Take me as you find me...all my fears and failures...

And fill my life again...

In what ways have you seen great faith in your life?
In what ways have you failed (maybe even boldly)?
Can you for a minute, hold both of these, your failures and your faith, in God's presence.
Ask God, "Lord, what do you want me to pay attention to here?"

Take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen to what He might be inviting you toward.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God for the grace to be with him in great faith
and to turn to him in great failure, even when these are on the heels of one another.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #23

2011-04-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

How have you been able to sense God welcoming you over the last 24 hours?

In what ways has this opened your heart to trust His love?

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Find a quiet, comfortable space.

Take a clear glass of water...

swirl it a few times, set it down and watch it settle.

As you do, pray God would settle your own soul.

If any distractions (to-do's, people, etc) come, simply utter,

"Lord, settle my soul"

and refocus.

Once you feel more settled, move on.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

As you come to be with God in these moments, take heed of how you feel.

With what is your heart most preoccupied?

Quietly lift this preoccupation into His hands and pray:

"Help me to be open to what you want to reveal to me today
about your real self and about my real self."

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

O that today you would listen to his voice! Do not harden your hearts... Ps. 95:7-8

Today - will I listen to His voice? or harden my heart? How will I know the difference? And why is it so difficult to listen?And can I say that if I am not listening, I will live with a hardened heart - a heart that prefers to steel away in protection against life's sorrows and pain. But also a life that cannot be opened up and transformed. Here are my top three distractions from being attentive to His voice:

Busyness - typically driven by my compulsions to appear competent, to do productive things, to possess people and things that bolster my sense of self...or I'm just afraid of what I might hear if I am quiet.
Fearfulness - of what others will think of me; of myself, of being criticized; of not knowing.
Forgetfulness - that God is for me and not against me; that nothing can separate me from His love; that I am His beloved and His desire is for me.

Ha - hopefully not my bff! How I'd rather have unhurried attentiveness, love (which casts out fear) and remembering to characterize my moments.

How do I open my heart to listen? How do I stay pliable, and not harden? Here are some Henri thoughts:

"Prayer is the discipline of the moment. When we pray, we enter into the presence of God whose name is God-with-us. To pray is to listen attentively to the One who addresses us here and now. When we dare to trust that we are never alone but that God is always with us, always cares for us, and always speaks to us, then we can gradually detach ourselves from the voices that make us guilty or anxious and thus allow ourselves to dwell in the present moment.

A person who prays is one who stands with his hands open to the world. he knows that God will show himself in the nature which surrounds him, in the people he meets, in the situations he runs into. He trusts that the world holds God's secret within it, and he expects that secret to be shown to him. Prayer creates that openness where God can give Himself to humankind...

"This openness [to God], however does not simply come of itself. It requires our confession that we are limited, dependent, weak and even sinful. Whenever you pray, you profess that you are not God and that you wouldn't want to be...you must constantly stretch out your hands and wait again for the gift which gives life." Henri Nouwen

Lord, how does my busyness effect my ability to listen?
Lord, in what ways am I afraid to be known by you, by others? (I'd hate to be seen as...) will usually help you discover your fearful compulsions.
Lord, what do you want me to remember about you today? What do you want me to remember about me? What are you inviting me toward?

Take 3-5 minutes in silence to listen as you ask these questions.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

Take note of how you feel after interacting with God over these questions.

How do you want to respond to God as you leave this space?
Ask God for the grace and courage to stand with your hands open and heart attentive over the next 24 hours. Ask Him to teach you to dwell with expectancy in each moment - whether mundane or magnificent.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter - Sabbath day

2011-04-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lent is 40 days not including Sundays...Welcome to the fourth Sunday in Lent.

Selah: Pause and consider this...

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #22

2011-04-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

"[S]he who hurries
delays the things of God”
St. Vincent DePaul

So, we've come to the forth Saturday in Lent - will it be a day of catch-up? Will it be a day for projects? In what ways might you, this day, unhurriedly cooperate with God vs. delay the things of God?

Take a look at your weekend "list" of things to do...now, cut it in half. And consider cutting it in half again.

Today - rather than a devotional thought for Lent, consider "acting" upon some truth God has revealed to you so far this week:

Enjoy a "tech fast" for 24 hours - no TV, radios, google maps, internet or phone calls.
What has being honest with yourself about your emotions revealed to you about you? About God? Share this with one person you trust.
What has your restlessness revealed to you about your intentionality - in what ways is the Lord inviting you to cooperate with Him in His work?
Express bodily how you are feeling. Are you angry? Go chop some wood! Are you joyful? Crank up a family favorite and have a dance in your living room together? Are you sad? Ask someone you love to hold you.
Start a family list of all the ways in which you have seen God's goodness and faithfulness. Perhaps each morning at breakfast, or at dinner, or before bed, share your "sightings" of God. Record them and revisit them when you feel like you are struggling.
Volunteer to help unclutter a friend's house and/or to help tidy up an elderly neighbor's tool shed.
Pick an activity with a friend that integrates work, play and love - volunteer to make a meal for a neighbor, or to finish cleaning out a garage interspersed with a fun "reward" when you're finished.

Enjoy - and I'd love to hear how God prompts you toward action...please post a comment!

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #21

2011-04-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

Take a few deep breaths and as you exhale,
"Lord, your love surrounds me."

Write down one word or short phrase of how you feel as you come to this time.

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Read Genesis 28:10-17

¹⁰ Jacob left Beersheba and set out for Haran. ¹¹ When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep. ¹² He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. ¹³ There above it stood the LORD, and he said: “I am the LORD, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. ¹⁴ Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. ¹⁵ I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
¹⁶ When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” ¹⁷ He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.”

Imagine yourself in the scene - walking along in the desert. You've traveled all day, your feet are sore, your tongue parched and now because the sun has set, you have to stop. But you're ready to stop. I like how this text says that Jacob came to a "certain" place - that really wasn't "certain" at all. It's not like Jacob made reservations or called ahead for a room. He stopped because, well, it got dark and this rock would do as well for a pillow as any other. Jacob lived in sync with the rhythm of nature. He set up camp and slept under the stars...I wonder if it made Jacob think of the promise made to his grandfather while Abraham heard the Lord under a starry sky?

Despite the stone pillow, Jacob fell into a deep sleep with a full on vivid dream. One in which the Lord reiterated the blessing given to Grandpa Abraham regarding the land, the seed and the blessing. Upon awaking, Jacob is suddenly aware that his rather plain accommodations were, instead, the very house of God and a gateway to heaven! If he were Celtic, he'd probably refer to it as a "thin space."

"Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it!"

Oh how many times hindsight is 20/20.

It was an ordinary event (laying down to sleep under the stars) in a seemingly random, not to mention inconvenient and rather uncomfortable place. But it was no ordinary place - the LORD was there!

I wonder what kept Jacob from being aware of the Lord being there? Was he tired? Distracted? Hungry? Thinking about what his marital prospects were once he reached Haran?

In my own journey, I have to wonder how many seemingly "random" or "inconvenient" and "uncomfortable" places that I walk through in my day that the Lord is "in" but in which I am completely unaware? Or the places that I am forced to "stop" - not because I choose to, but because something outside of me is forcing me to stop (like the sunset forced Jacob to stop in a certain place). Where is the Lord present in the things that feel "stopped" or "stuck" from matters beyond my control? More often than not, I feel that the stopped/stuck places are place the Lord is absent. But perhaps I can attune my eyes to be aware of him where I least expect.

I don't merely want 20/20 hindsight awareness. I pray the Lord will help me with a childlike expectancy, be aware of the ways he might want to reveal himself in the most ordinary of my daily life chores.

Think over the past 24 hours - has there been a place that has felt random/disjointed or inconvenient or uncomfortable or stuck in your life?
Carefully revisit the memory of that space...what did/does it feel like? How did you attempt to cope with it (or deny it altogether?)
Now ask the Lord, will You show me how you were present there?

Take 3-5 minutes in silence, perhaps even laying your head on a pillow, or the hard floor, and listen to what God might want to say to you.

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

How did you experience God in this exercise?
What is your sense of how He is present in your daily life?
Do you feel differently than how you came into this time? How so? or not?
How do you want to respond?

As you leave this space, ask God to help you be aware of His Presence even in the random, ordinary and inconvenient places of your life

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

If you are enjoying these posts and would like to make a tax-deductible donation toward reFresh ministries, click here

All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

Unhurryup!™ into Easter #20

2011-03-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lean into God's love, centering your attention and focus toward Him.

At the beginning of Jesus' ministry, he heard his Father's words:

Evaluate honestly how you are as you come into His presence.

Notice what stirs your soul as you interact with the following:

Read Proverbs 16:9

"The heart of a man plans his ways,

but the Lord establishes his steps."

Last night I called my mom to check in and see how her day had gone. And some of the first words out of her mouth were, "D@3!mit Paula, you screwed up my whole day!"

Shocked, I wondered, "How did I do that seeing as we were a good 60 plus miles apart from one another!?" She recounted how she had read the morning devotional (Unhurryup!™ into Easter #19) and decided to tackle a shelf in the house full of memorabilia from her dear mother. She didn't plan on spending the whole day immersed in memories...she didn't plan on not getting to the other things that she was hoping to accomplish...she didn't plan to have the emotions that flooded in, both wondrous and painful in the reliving. Old sermons of my great-grandfather's, family history, treasures from her mom who was an avid and beautiful lover of God and family!
Somedays are like this. We don't plan on getting distracted and detoured while digressing to what we thought might only take a few moments of our day. Things happen, life happens, interruptions happen, a lifetime of memories of a beautiful relationship with one whom we love, yet dearly miss, happens. Our facade of control is so easily shattered.
Naturally the day felt "screwed up!" But in a deep, resonate space, my mom was given an abiding gift by her detour yesterday. Who's to say, really, that this day was screwed up? What is the measure? If it was love (1 Corinthians 13:1-3), I think there was no clanging cymbal or noisy gong as a result of her time spent lingering with part of her journey. She loved well, letting her heart encounter a pile of papers and trinkets and memories and feelings that took her on a journey of love. It was more than she bargained for...but it seems to me, that is what we all really want. But then when it happens, and takes us by surprise, and is uncontrollable and feels like it screws up our days and our emotions and our plans...

I find the ongoing tension (and sometimes outright pain) of struggle between accomplishing and receiving life both infuriating and invigorating. I could hear the two co-mingling like a dna double helix in my mom's retelling of her day. Sometimes those paradoxes are the marks of true love.

What have been your detours? Might somewhere, in the midst, you find a treasure? Open your heart. Open your eyes. Take a deep breath. Look for the gift the Lord wants to give in the midst of the tension of doing and being.

As you read this, what in your own life did it stir up in you?
Take 3-5 minutes revisiting the past 24-48 hours: What has been an "infuriating, yet invigorating" task (whether a detour or not) as of late? As you think about this circumstance, pay attention to your body...are you tense? Relaxed? Laughing? Feeling tension in your neck?
Now, breathe deeply and ask God, "In what ways have you been trying to reveal your love to me?"

Trust Him to open your heart toward fully receiving and living into His love.

As you leave this space, ask God to help you receive even what feels like a distraction, detour or digression as a gift of His love.

Amen.

For more info about reFresh - go to www.mysoulrefresh.com

Unhurryup!™

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All written material unless otherwise noted copyrighted 2011 Paula Gamble.

my soul reFresh

Strengthening the Soul retreats -

Trust me...

Enjoying God

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Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part III

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part II

Being Gentle with Myself in the Questions - Part I

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART III

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART II

LIVING THE QUESTIONS – PART I

Hoping to God that God is God - Part IV

Hoping to God that God is God - Part III

Hoping to God that God is God - Part II

Hoping to God that God is God - Part I

Offering some loaves and fishes...

Jesus can find us in our dead ends...

Just as Jesus found the disciples fishing after his resurrection,

Jesus comes to us in our dead ends. Jesus can find us,

even when we’ve tucked ourselves away, in a secluded spot —

feeling ordinary and empty.

~Bonnie Gray

Read John 21 then Selah: Pause and consider this:

What are your seeming "dead ends"?

In what ways are you tucking yourself away - secluding yourself for protection?

In what ways are you feeling ordinary and empty?

Take 3-5 minutes to ask God, "Lord, will you give me your perspective on these places of "stuckness" and "emptiness" in me. How do you feel now, as you emerge from opening your heart to God in this space?

www.mysoulrefresh.com

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